Review: The Replacements

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Gulliver63
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Review: The Replacements

Post by Gulliver63 » Thu Feb 09, 2012 1:51 am

I always love talking about the origin of my stories. Last fall I sat down one night and watched two shows in a row on black holes, and came away with some interesting ideas...the main one was that time moves differently around the outside of these things. While this doesn't make me an expert, and I hope no deep space researcher is reading this, I tried to incorporate one of these things into a Futurama story. After surviving an encounter with one of these beasts, the Planet Express crew find themselves declared dead by the bureaucracy. What's worse is that they've been replaced at their old place of employment. Will they find their way back home? Will they be forced to live as "non-living persons" under the thumb of Morgan Proctor? Read on and find out. And, by the way, have fun while doing it... :fry :amy :leela

BTW, this story is pretty much canon and pretty much PG with only a couple of swear words.
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c_nordlander
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Re: Review: The Replacements

Post by c_nordlander » Fri Feb 10, 2012 9:29 pm

Typoes and grammar problems: "They lined up in front" should probably be "They'd", since the previous sentence establishes that they're already standing there staring; I'm sure "perspective new employee" should be "prospective"; "anymore" should be "any more"; "indenticode" should be "identicode" (unless it's a pun); "force march" should be "forced march".

I like this story a lot. The way they first find out something is wrong after their return is original. The middle part about the bureaucracy didn't really grab me (though I like the plot element of the crew being declared dead), but it picked up with the final third of the story. Also, the way the crew
Spoiler
was very funny. I didn't see that coming!

Everyone seems to be in character. Leela gets to use her brains a lot, which is nice. I very much like how you gave Cubert a large part in this story; I like him a lot, and he doesn't seem to appear in a lot of fanfics. I like the original characters you introduced, too, especially Nelson. He had quite a bit of depth to him. Brighteyes is cute. (Love the title card and the art inside the story, too.)

I felt quite emotional at the end, with
Spoiler
Well-written drama. The very last scene is excellent.

While the story wasn't really focused on comedy, you've got some funny bits, many stemming from character reactions rather than regular jokes: for example Bender "bawling just like a person".

The only downside I could find is that the writing style felt a bit sparse and short on descriptions: for example, the attempt to escape the black hole at the start is supposed to be a nightmarish experience, but it's over in just about three lines of narration. The style gets better in the ending flight, though.

A nice concept, gets a bit dull towards the middle, but with nice new characters and a satisfying, emotional ending. A-
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Gulliver63
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Re: Review: The Replacements

Post by Gulliver63 » Fri Feb 10, 2012 10:42 pm

Thanks! I had a lot of fun with this story, although I felt a bit bad that I couldn't spend more time building up the character of the new crew. I've actually thought about splitting off a separate adventure at some point, focusing on the culture of Felana V (Dr. Daysleeper's homeworld). As usual, I enjoyed throwing in a few tidbits and homages. Robot DD 214 was an inside joke; on Tuesday I celebrated 30 years out of the army, and in the US a DD 214 is a military discharge form (I just picked it because it sounded good). The Amy monument is based on a similar monument for mariners in Gloucester, Massachusetts. The test question in the end of the story came almost verbatim from the Private Pilot's Written Test - I ran across it as I was testing myself one day. The weapons-grade bolognium comment was the only catchphrase I could dig up on Cubert from the show. Finally, I loved the closing quote by Admiral Hymen Rickover - I had the wonderful opportunity of hearing him speak at Ball State University in 1982.
The other thing I enjoyed about this story is the ability to showcase Bender and Zoidberg a bit more...unfortunately, in most of my stories the both of them end up hiding in the backround somewhere. Bender got to strut his stuff. I'm really itching to crank out a Simpson's story, but it's been slow going for me. Maybe I'll stumble on that "thingee" that I found with the Futurama stories. Thanks again. :fry
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