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THAT STUPID TEXT THAT But that was Star Wars. This is
something a lot sillier. EXT: SPACE VOICEOVER : For the benefit of those wise people who do
not know Sailor Moon, I shall tell you a story. A long time ago, there was a
great empire of a thousand years that lived on the moon. They were called the
Silver Millennium and they ruled the entire solar system, making quite a fuss
of it despite the fact that our solar system is the equivalent of a molecule
sized needle in a planet sized haystack. Regardless, their empire was a
powerful one, self-sustaining and stable. a
The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover "PRETTY
SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON" by
Steven Scott / GKScotty from
an idea by Rich Wilson /
Cuteswan Images
drawn by Marco Berzacola unless
otherwise noted. INT: SIMPSONS TV ROOM, DAY CUT TO: TV SCREEN CUT TO: STREET IN CARTOON Close-up of Scratchy
glaring at Itchy, for about 2 seconds. Close-up of Itchy
glaring at Scratchy, for about 2 seconds. Close-up of Scratchy
glaring at Itchy, his eye twitching, for about 4 seconds. Close-up of Itchy
glaring at Stratchy, his eye twitching, for about 4 seconds. Close-up of Scratchy
glaring at Itchy, his face turning red and shaking his fist, for about 8
seconds. Close-up of Itchy
glaring at Stratchy, his face turning red and shaking his fist, for about 8
seconds. Scratchy snarls, and charges Itchy!
Itchy charges Scratchy! Scratchy holds out a palm! A huge laser beam - about 4
foot wide - shoots at Itchy! Itchy flies out of the way and starts throwing a
million breadknives! The breadknives cut scratchy into many little bits and
embed themselves in his noggin. CUT TO: THE SIMPSONS TV ROOM LISA: Uh, Bart... what's happening now? Bart gets up from the couch, and
runs to the kitchen. CUT TO: KITCHEN BART: Ah, they're finally done... just in time
too. Lisa appears at the doorway. LISA (suppressing a smile): Bart... have you been
(grin) baking? (SFX: Bus horn) Lisa glances
up at the wall clock. LISA: Oh no, we're late? We're gonna miss the bus!
Bart and Lisa run for the door, pull
on their shoes as fast as possible, and grab their bags, but by the time
they're out the door the bus is already pulling away. They stand on the
sidewalk for a moment, panting, then turn to each other. BART/LISA: MOM! CUT TO: KITCHEN LISA: Mom, we missed the school bus! Can you give
us a lift? CUT TO: CLOSEUP OF LENNY LENNY: Huh? Where am I? He looks down, and sees that he's
hanging from a tree branch that's caught in his pants. Springfield Gorge
stretches out below him, and Homer's car is still burning at the bottom. CUT TO: SIMPSONS KITCHEN MARGE: Homer took my car to get to work today, so I
don't have one. You'll have to walk. Lisa sprints off, dragging Bart with
her. BART: Urk! CUT TO: BART AND LISA RUNNING LISA (angry): Hey, you little brats! Leave that
cat alone! She rushes toward the kids, and they
scatter. She gets the cat - it's black, and has some band-aids stuck on it's
forehead in an X shape. The cat claws at the band aids, trying to get them off.
LISA: Hey, relax kitty... did those bad boys put
these band-aids on you? Here, I'll get them off. She peels off the band-aids. A white
crescent moon is under them. As it is shown, the cat's eyes open wide and it
looks directly at Lisa. She's startled and drops the cat. It lands on its paws
for an instant and then does a backflip about 7 feet up into the air, landing
on a car roof. And it stays there, looking closely at Lisa. LISA (Weirded out): O...kay... well, glad to see
you're better now. (starts to turn away, to self) Weird cat. (sudden panic) Oh
no! Now I'm even later for school! Lisa sprints away. The black cat
just stays on the car, watching her go. INT: BIG BLACK SCAREY PLACE (DARK
KINGDOM THRONE ROOM), DAY (PROBABLY)
BERYL: We need far more power to awaken our great
ruler, Queen Metallica, queen of RAWWWK! Jimboite! Where are you? JIMBOITE teleports into the room
in-between the Queen and the Youma's. He looks just like JIMBO, but in a JIMBOITE: Yes, Queen Beryl? INT: SKINNER: I never thought I'd see the day - Bart
Simpson on time, (To self) by about 2 seconds, (shouts to Lisa) Lisa Simpson
late! CUT TO: MS HOOVER'S SECOND GRADE
CLASSROOM MS HOOVER: Ah, so glad you could join us Lisa. I wasn't
sure whether I should put today down as an absence or a tardy. She scribbles on a piece of paper,
and hands it to Lisa. REPORT CARD : NAME : LISA SIMPSON CLASS : 2A 1st sem 2nd sem 3rd sem Arithmetic A+ A+ A+ Social Studies A A A+ English A+ A A+ History A A+ A Art A+ A A P.E. D- C F Attendance - Present 179 - Absent 0 - Tardy 1 Lisa gasps. MS HOOVER: Sorry, but I'll have to give this year's
best attendance prize to... (she checks her attendance log) Ralph. RALPH gasps, and grins broadly. RALPH (jubilant): I won, I won! What do I get? She hands Ralph a very large ham on
the bone. RALPH: Hooray for ham! Lisa sighs and looks dejected. CUT TO: PLAYGROUNDS JANEY: Cheer up Lisa... it's not the end of the
world you know. Pan to Ralph. He's sitting against a
wall with a blank expression on his face, sucking at the thin end of the ham
like it's a lollypop. MILHOUSE: Huh hey Lisa... how was your report card? I
got the attendance prize this year! They gave me a Wal-Mart voucher and a
packet of lemon and pepper steaks! Lisa just slides her face down into
her knees. JANEY: Uh, Milhouse... now's not the time. CUT TO: 2nd GRADE CLASSROOM CUT TO: DETENTION CLASS LISA enters, sits at a desk, and
opens a textbook. After a moment Bart sits down next to her. BART: I guess you're here because you were late,
huh? Bart doesn't reply, he just hands
her a card... REPORT CARD : NAME : BART SIMPSON CLASS : 4B 1st sem 2nd sem 3rd sem Arithmetic F D- F Social Studies D+ F F English D- F+ D History F F D- Art F- D D+ P.E. D+ F D+ cookies F F Ha! Attendance - Present 96 - Absent 24 - Tardy 60 Lisa just looks at Bart. BART: I don't know what I did wrong Lis! Maybe I
put too much Kiwi Fruit and basil in. Show the detention clock CLICKing to
EXT: STREET (DAY) LISA: Really, the perfect attendance thing doesn't
bother me that much... I'm more worried about this terrible P.E mark! How did
that happen? I joined the hockey team. Lisa just glares at her. CUT TO: HIGH ANGLE VIEW OF THE CITY LISA (OS, yelled): D'OH! A flock of birds takes off after the
sound. CUT TO: BACK TO THE STREET LISA: I knew I was forgetting something... hey,
what's going on over there? Pan over to show the new Wal Mart.
There is a gigantic crowd out the front. JANEY: Wow, that sale must really be working. CUT TO: INSIDE WAL MART J-MOM (shouting): EVERYONE, PLEASE ENJOY
YOURSELVES! THIS IS THE BIGGEST OPENING The background darkens, and EVIL,
EVIL CLASSICAL MUSIC starts to play. Janey's Mom glares around. J-MOM (thinking): Yes, spend you fools... A brief shot of the REAL JANEY'S
MOM, who is bound and gagged in a dark room, then a close-up shot of the
jewels. A WEIRD EERIE EVIL LIGHT starts swirling around on them, drawing itself
into the center of the jewel. J-Mom must really be a FAKE MOM! FAKE MOM (VO): Little do you know of our evil plot...
these bargains are direct from hell itself! These jewels will steal your
energy, and send it to our great queen! CUT TO: SOME REALLY DARK PLACE JIMBOITE: It's too easy... the energy of stupid women
who want jewels... CUT TO: THE DOORS LISA: This is madness! If I know FAKE MOM is still laughing to
herself a little, and glaring around at the fools. Janey runs over, followed by
Lisa. JANEY: HEY! Mom! She snaps her fingers in front of
FAKE MOM's face until she stops laughing and notices Janey. FAKE MOM (doesn't know Janey): OH! Dear... you,
you're out of school already... dear? She heads over behind the jewelry
counter, and points out a genuine pearl necklace. FAKE MOM: This is a genuine, high quality pearl
necklace. Normally it would sell for at least $89.99, but since it's a sale and
since it's you, Lisa, I could let it go for maybe... $9.99, including tax. Lisa gets a purse from in her bag,
and starts counting out money. LISA: 5 dollars... 5.75... Hm. (depressed) Sorry,
I don't have enough... I'd better leave it till later... Lisa wanders off to have a look
around the rest of the shop. CUT TO: SWEET COUNTER RALPH: Oooh, sweets! He glances away and the gun counter
placed right next to the sweets catches his eye. There's a gun with the price
tag " RALPH: Oooh, a gun like Daddy's! Ralph hands the teen a note. TEEN (reading): This is my son. Refuse him a sale
at your own risk! Signed - Police Chief Wiggum. (looks around nervously) Uh,
I'll have to ask my manager... He walks off, leaving Ralph looking
at the gun. Lisa sees Ralph looking up at it, sees the voucher in his hand, and
gasps. LISA: Ralph? What are you going to buy? Zoom in to Lisa's forehead. LISA (thinking): Uh oh... Ralph with a gun, not a
good idea... gotta think of something. Zoom back out. Lisa looks around,
and looks at the sweet rack. She grabs a candy bar. LISA (persuasive): Ralph, I'll buy you a Mars Bar
if you give me that voucher... Lisa buys him the candy, gets the
voucher, and Ralph skips off happily. Janey walks up behind Lisa. JANEY: Lisa, that was cruel. CUT TO: JEWELLRY COUNTER FAKE MOM: Thank you Lisa... you don't know how happy
you've made me... Fake mom puts the necklace in a
case, and gives it to Lisa. Janey and Lisa start to head for the door. LISA: Wow, I can't believe I got a real pearl
necklace for 10 dollars! All the other SHOPPERS freeze. MRS KRABAPPEL: Ten dollars? The shop turns into a frenzy as
everyone descends onto one counter. Lisa and Janey sprint for the door and
eventually end up having to crawl out of the shop. They head outside. LISA: Janey... your mom's crazy. CUT TO: LISA: Well, that was a little strange... but it
was a great deal. I can't wait to get home and try this on! She starts to run. As she goes, the
BLACK CAT from the parking lot looks at her from around the corner... CAT (thinking): So this is Lisa Simpson? INT: SIMPSON HOUSE, GROUND FLOOR
HALLWAY (DAY) LISA (shout): MOM! I'm home! She runs upstairs. CUT TO: LISA'S ROOM LISA: Wow, it really is genuine... it's shinier,
and heavier than my usual one... but why do I feel tired all of a sudden? She removes the necklace, sets it in
its box, and puts her old one on. LISA: Coming! (to self) Hm, I feel better already. CUT TO: MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE WAL-MART... MRS KRBAPPEL: This is strange... I feel dizzy... JANEY looks around at everyone
passing out. JANEY: What's going on? Everyone's falling ill.
Mom, I think something is wrong! SUSPENSEFUL SHOT of FAKE MOM JANEY: Mom? FAKE MOM turns around. She looks a
teensy bit more evil than before. Janey gasps. CUT TO: SIMPSON DINNER TABLE HOMER: Okay, I got a phone call from Skinner
reminding me that it's Bart's report card day today, so quit stalling boy, hand
it over. Bart groans, and hands the card
over. HOMER: Now lets see... F,F,D,D-,D+,D+... you got a
HA in Cookies? Why you little! If you're going to rely on sucking up, you
should at least do it well! LISA hands it over. HOMER: Ah, much better. A+,A+,A+,A,A... F? you got
an F? How could you get an F in P.E? Even I got better marks in P.E! CUT TO: LISA'S ROOM LISA: Stupid sports... why do they think I have to
be good at everything? I can make friends no problem... I've got my brains, I'm
friendly, and I can play music too! (She looks over at the stand with her
saxophone) Yeah right, run on the spot... I'll just quietly practice my sax. She gets the sax, and starts to
play. SFX: A creak, as the window opens a crack. But
Lisa doesn't hear. She just sits on her bed playing, and then looks down at the
bed. The BLACK CAT is there. LISA: Hey... how did you get in here? You must be
one clever cat to follow me like this... Lisa just gapes at the cat for a
moment, before screaming, and springing over to the other side of the bed. She peeks
over the top of the bed at the cat. LISA (startled): AAAAGH! A talking cat? What the heck? Lisa just hides behind the bed,
looking at the cat. LUNA: Ah... thank you for getting rid of the band
aids. Someone put them on me to trick me, I couldn't talk with them covering my
crescent moon birthmark. It was pretty cruel, but it did mean I found you, so
it wasn't all bad. Anyway, nice to meet you. Luna walks toward Lisa. Lisa just
stares at her. LISA: Wow... I must be hallucinating! Maybe that
sickness I felt earlier was really something bad! Luna turns away and starts crossing
over to the other side of Lisa's bed. LISA: You think so? You're not the one talking to
a cat! Luna does a big twirly backflip, and
a sparkling item appears at the apex of the flip. It falls onto Lisa's bed -
it's a gold brooch. LUNA: Here, a present for you. Lisa picks it up and starts
inspecting it. LISA: Wow, more jewelry. It looks expensive... is
it really for me? Lisa just stares at Luna. LISA (in shock): Moon prism power - make up? Lisa looks at Luna, and sighs. LISA: Oh, alright. (grabs brooch, poses) MOOON
PRISIMU POWA - MAKE UP! Nothing happens. LISA: There! I knew it! (suddenly, with a SWISH
her dress morphs into a leotard. She jerks into an odd pose in shock) AGH!
(SWISH and jerk as her shoes become knee-high boots) Waugh! (SWISH and jerk as
elbow-length gloves appear) Eek! (SWISH and jerk as tiara and earrings appear)
What? (One final SWISH and Lisa goes into a pose with her left hand on her hip
and her right fingers over her eye, as the skirt and bows appear) Woah! What on
earth? (she falls over onto her butt) Ow! My, my clothes! (angry) What the heck
have you done to my clothes? What is this? MOON-LISA: How can I be a soldier if I look more like a
sailor? Luna dives out of the way onto
Lisa's desk. As she lands, she dislodges the box with the new pearl necklace,
which falls out and onto the ground. The evil mist that is drawn into it can
clearly be seen. LUNA: What is this? Luna leaps down, claws unsheathed,
and cuts the string between some of the pearls. Moon-Lisa grabs something heavy
and smashes it down on the necklace a few times, breaking some of the pearls.
As Moon-Lisa removes the heavy object, the mist dies away. MOON-LISA: What on earth was that? Moon-Lisa gapes at Luna. MOON-LISA: Me? What can I do? We need to call the
police! Luna heads over to the open window
and leaps out. Lisa watches her. MOON-LISA (shout): But I can't go outside dressed like
this! (to self) Or jump out of a window for that matter... (sigh) this is
getting weirder all the time. Well, here we go... She jumps out the window and runs
across the garden chasing Luna. They both clear the fence at the end in one
jump. INT: THE EVIL WAL-MART, NIGHT JANEY (struggle): Huh... ggh... mom, why, what are
you doing... MOON-LISA (OS): Stop right there! Quick pan to the door, where
Moon-Lisa and Luna stand. FAKE MOM: Who are you? Close-up of Fake Mom as she morphs
into MORGUE. Morgue is a zombielike youma, somewhat androgynous, with stretched
gray skin, no nose to speak of, and long and decidedly evil black hair. Luna gasps in shock, Moon-Lisa
screams in horror. MOON-LISA: It's Michael Jackson! All the SHOPPERS get up, possessed
my Morgue. MOON-LISA: Hey, what's wrong with you? (to MORGUE) What
have you done to them? She doesn't get an answer, as AGNES
SKINNER charges at Moon-Lisa. Moon-Lisa screams and tries to run, but Agnes
manages to get a grip of her ankle. AGNES (groaning): Skinner tries to shamble over,
Zombie style, but Moon-Lisa manages to pull free before he gets there. AGNES (groaning): You... call... that...
shuffling??? That's... the... worst... shuffling... I've... ever... Moon-Lisa ignores them and runs
further into the shop away from the crowd. But MRS KRABAPPEL and MS HOOVER
block her way. MRS KRABAPPEL (groaning): You... should... not...
disobey... your... elders! 10... years... detention! Moon-Lisa is paralyzed in shock. HOOVER/KRABAPPEL (groaning): We... have... her... now! They dive at Moon-Lisa, attempting
to grab her. But she manages to jump backwards and they fall on the floor. She
jumps over their bodies and keeps running. Morgue covers it's eyes with a hand.
MORGUE: My Queen, these slaves are useless...
unless... (turns to CLETUS) You, redneck! Here's the key to the gun cabinet! CUT TO: COUNTER MOON-LISA: What's happened to them? That monster must
be controlling them. It's a good thing they're not very fast or they'd already
have me by now. LUNA runs up to her. LUNA: What are you doing sitting here, Sailor
Moon? Get out there and destroy that youma! Moon-Lisa thinks to herself for a
moment, and turns to Luna. MOON-LISA: Okay... She stands, and looks over the
counter. MOON-LISA: Okay Youma, set these people free or I will
AGGH! We see Cletus looking at her down
the barrel of a shotgun. Moon-Lisa freezes in fright. Close-up of Cletus's
finger pulling the trigger... The gun fires, but in a blur
something slams into the side of the gun, forcing it over a bit to the left.
Cut to Moon-Lisa, who appears to be in shock. There are some holes in the wall
a few inches to her right, and the shot has clipped the end off a hair spike.
It falls to the ground. MOON-LISA: What was that? Show the shotgun. A rose is in it,
the stem having passed through the barrel. Everyone follows the path of the
rose and looks up. A second-story window is open, and a MAN stands in it. He
wears a tuxedo, cape, mask and top hat, and carries a cane. MAN: I am Tuxedo Kamen! You can't win if you
don't have faith in your powers Sailor Moon! Just trust the damn cat already...
(looks closer) hang on a moment, are you...? He jumps down from the window,
landing next to Moon-Lisa. She has her hands clasped together, and is looking
up at him with starry eyes. MOON-LISA: You saved me! He jumps back up to the window, and
leaves. MOON-LISA: Hey, where are you going? Show Morgue and some of the
possessed people sitting around having coffee. MOON-LISA: Um, I guess so... Morgue stands and stretches out her
arms, which get longer so that her hands are stretching towards Moon-Lisa
rapidly. LUNA: Do it now Sailor Moon! CUT TO: REPETITIVE CUT-'N'-PASTE TIARA
ATTACK MOON-LISA: MOOON TIARRA ACSHUN! She throws the tiara/disc like a
frisbee. CUT TO: WAL-MART MOON-LISA: Wow! That's incredible! Morgue crumbles into dust. CUT TO: A REALLY DARK PLACE JIMBOITE: Oh no, the Queen ain't gonna be happy about
this... that wiener Morgue must have failed. INT: LISA'S ROOM - NIGHT LISA: I can't believe I really did that... It's
impossible, isn't it? FADE TO BLACK LISA (voice over): Luna was right. It seemed like
from that point on, a new youma appeared every few days to set up a new con and
steal people's energy. They must have tried everything... Show still picture of Moon-Lisa
fighting a batlike youma in the broadcast mast of KBBL Talk Radio. LISA (voiceover): hijacking radio stations... Picture of Moon-Lisa running on a
fast treadmill as a Youma laughs at her. LISA (voiceover): taking over fitness clubs... Pic of Moon-Lisa gasping at Bart,
who is holding a nasty looking guinea pig. LISA (voiceover): even selling possessed animals.
It was hard work, sometimes I wound up staying up really late to destroy a
youma. Fortunately, I got an ally pretty soon. EXT: The school bell rings, and
swarms of KIDS run out. LISA walks out calmly with JANEY and
ALLISON TAYLOR. (episode "Lisa's Rival." Information for those who
don't watch much Simpsons... : Allison was a first grader who got moved
up into Lisa's class due to her intelligence. As an
extremely smart person and an excellent saxophone player, she started
beating Lisa at all the things Lisa used to be best at, but she was too nice a
person for Lisa to hate her. When Lisa tried to sabotage Allison's
"The Telltale Heart" diorama, she bottled out due to guilt and returned it.
After Lisa admitted what she'd done Allison took no offence, and since
Ralph won the diorama contest anyway with his Original Star Wars
figures, the two made up and became good friends. Allison was
voiced by Winona Ryder, but has shown up in several eps since then
without her original voice.) JANEY: I'm
telling you, Sailor Moon's real! I was there, remember? ALLISON: I'm
not saying you're wrong, it's just that you were only halfway conscious at the
time. Maybe what you saw wasn't what you thought you saw. I mean,
you'd just heard of that Sailor V character on TV the previous day. JANEY: So
you're saying I'm crazy. ALLISON: I'm
not saying that, I'm just saying that girls can't do magic, cats can't talk,
and nobody would go into a battle wearing a leotard covered with bows.
Right, Lisa? LISA (embarrassed): Well,
I wouldn't say anything is strictly impossible.
a The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover
"PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON"
Part 2 : Genius Girl vs. Stupid, Stupid Youma!
So you thought school was brainwashing you?
by Steven Scott / GKScotty / Steveite
Steven.Scott@btinternet.com
from an idea by Rich Wilson / Cuteswan LISA (voice over): Allison
had been going to a nearby cram school that was taken over by a
youma... CUT TO: CRAM SCHOOL CLASSROOM Allison is unpacking her
schoolbag in front of a computer. The TEACHER stoops down by her desk to
talk. TEACHER : Make sure you
study hard with that crystal disk, Ms Taylor. It would be a shame to let
a mind like yours go to waste. ALLISON:
Okay... The teacher leaves, and
Allison rummages through her school bag. ALLISON:
Huh? The disk is missing! Well, I don't need it to study, I always get a headache
while using that thing anyway. LUNA (voice over): But she
didn't know that we had got her crystal disk, after she dropped it
at school. CUT TO: BART'S ROOM LISA and LUNA sit in front
of Bart's computer. Lisa puts the crystal disk in the CD tray, and
closes it. LISA: Hm, I
really should learn how to use this thing properly someday. LUNA: You
can't use a computer? LISA: Well,
I can use Word and play Minesweeper... but this looks like something else... LUNA: It's
for DOS. Hmph, you'd better move over then... Luna stands on Lisa's
chair, and starts typing like mad. The screen flashes all sorts of colors. LISA: Hey, I
didn't know cats could use computers! LUNA: J00R
|\|0T L337 e|\|uf 4 m3, g!rl!3... well, here it is! Some strange patterns
start to flash on the screen, and "Enter Sandman" by Metallica starts
playing. Lisa looks a little woozy. LISA:
Wha...? I feel funny and tired... it's just like when I had that necklace on! LUNA: It's a
program for brainwashing people! JIMBOITE (from computer):
Come on dudes, give up your mental energy for our Queen Metallica!
You don't need it, really! And when it's all gone go buy a Metallica
Album too! Luna quickly turns the
speakers and monitor off. LUNA: I knew
it! I was sure I was getting a strange feeling off of that girl, and this proves
it! Lisa, she must be a youma sent by the enemy! LISA: Who,
Allison? That's impossible, I've known her for months! LUNA: It
could be impersonating her! The real Allison's probably tied up in a basement
somewhere, they like that tactic it seems. LISA: I
guess you're right, we'd better get over there... SFX: (KNOCK
KNOCK!) BART (OS):
Hey, can I come in my own room already? Jeez Lis, what are you doing on that
computer, I want to play Quake! LISA: We're
just done! She opens the door and
leaves, followed by Luna. BART enters and turns on his computer. He is
immediately hypnotized. BART (sings
slowly): dreams of war, dreams of liars, dreams of dragon's fire... LISA (voiceover):
We left immediately, and headed straight for the cram school. CUT TO: CRAM SCHOOL CORRIDOOR Lisa and Luna look through
a door. LISA: Okay,
here's Allison's class! Lets go in! LUNA: Don't
you think you should be Sailor Moon before you go in, Lisa? LISA: Hm,
good idea, I wouldn't want to have to change in front of all those people. MOOON
PRISIMU POWA, MAKE UP! (pause, then with a SWISH her dress morphs into a
leotard. She jerks into an odd pose in shock) AGH! (SWISH and jerk as
her shoes become knee-high boots) Waugh! (SWISH and jerk as elbow-length
gloves appear) Eek! (SWISH and jerk as tiara and earrings appear) Woah!
(SWISH and pose as the skirt and bows appear. She holds the pose
for a moment, then glares at Luna) MOON-LISA:
Can't you arrange a more comfortable transformation method? LUNA: You'd
rather be spinning, glowing and naked? MOON-LISA
(dismissive): Forget I said anything. (boldly) Okay, lets go in! She opens the door. CUT TO: CLASSROOM Moon-Lisa bursts in
through the door. MOON-LISA:
Quick, everyone get up and away from those computers! They're stealing your
energy for the The STUDENTS look up at
her, confused and disbelieving. MOON-LISA:
Um... that is... if you don't get away from them now, you could get eyestrain and
carpal-tunnel syndrome! The students look MUCH
more concerned at this, and start talking to each other. STUDENT 1:
Hey, my hands do feel a bit sore, now that you mention it! STUDENT 2:
Oh no, I never noticed how bad my vision was getting until now! STUDENT 3
(panicky): Help, I think sitting on this seat has sent my legs to sleep! ALLISON
(stands up): Don't be hypochondriacs, everyone! We don't use computers for that long,
we're not at risk from those things! (to Moon-Lisa) How can you
just charge in here and disturb everyone's study? LUNA: There,
I knew it! She wants them to go back to using the computers, that girl must
be the youma! MOON-LISA: I
didn't believe it, but I guess it must be true! Don't worry Allison, I'll
destroy the youma impersonating you and set you free! ALLISON: A
youma? Who, me? No, you've got it all wrong... A hand is clamped over her
mouth. It's the TEACHER! TEACHER:
Close girl, but no gold star! Instead of protecting it's
identity and just letting Moon-Lisa accidentally kill Allison,
the STUPID, STUPID YOUMA reveals itself. STUPID, STUPID YOUMA: I am Garaben, the youma of knowledge, but not intelligence apparently! All the students are
scared by the monster and flee the classroom. MOON-LISA
(to Luna): Luna, I thought you said Allison was the youma! LUNA:
Whoops... I wonder what it was I felt then? GARABEN:
You're too late! This girl's mind is the richest I have seen, I'll take all her mental
energy and then dump her in a trailer park somewhere! MOON-LISA: I
don't think so! (poses) I am the pretty soldier (pose) of love and justice (pose)
Sailor Moon! (pose) In the name of the moon (pose) I'll punish you!
(pose, pose) Garaben holds up a finger. GARABEN:
First question... MOON-LISA:
Huh? GARABEN: A
question about the genius Isaac Newton! Why did the apple fall from the tree? Garaben throws several
sheets of notepaper at Moon-Lisa, like knives. MOON-LISA:
What the... agh! The paper sticks in the
wall by Lisa's head, and she runs to the side. GARABEN: If
you can't answer, you're dead! MOON-LISA:
Hey, stop that! It was the force of gravity! GARABEN:
Correct! Second question! Explain the force of gravity in less than 50 words! MOON-LISA
(quickly): Gravity is a result of the electromagnetic attraction between matter
that draws masses toward each other. The strength of a masses'
gravity is dependant on it's size and composition. A small mass
like a stone has nearly no gravity, while a large mass like Earth has
higher gravity. Garaben looks confused.
She looks down at Allison (she still has her hand over Allison's mouth) GARABEN
(clueless): Is she right? ALLISON
(muffled): Eif finc soe. Itf clofe enofe. GARABEN:
Alright, correct! Third question! Politics - who was the father of Socialism? MOON-LISA:
Karl Marx! GARABEN:
Correct! Fourth question! History - whose death was the cause of the first world war? MOON-LISA:
Archduke Franz Ferdinand! GARABEN:
Correct! Fifth question! Networking - what is an error 404? MOON-LISA:
um... LUNA: File
not found, Sailor Moon! MOON-LISA:
File not found! GARABEN:
Correct! Sixth question... FADE OUT,
and back IN AGAIN. SUBTITLE: An
hour later... MOON-LISA:
200 Job Points gets you Ifrit! GARABEN:
Correct! Fifty-second question! Mythology - who wrote the Odyssey and the Iliad? MOON-LISA:
Hom... wait... that can't be right, can it? GARABEN: Ah,
I have you! Garaben throws more paper,
which manages to pin Moon-Lisa to the wall. MOON-LISA:
Agh! Luna, help! GARABEN:
Now, I can send this girl's mental energy to my master! Garaben pushes Allison's
face up against a computer screen. Nothing happens. ALLISON:
Urk! What are you doing? (distressed) I'm getting static electricity off this thing! Garaben is zapped by a
little bit of electricity. GARABEN: Ow!
I don't understand... (ranting) the program should be taking your mental energy! Why isn't
it working! A small blue symbol starts
to glow on Allison's forehead. It looks as if someone mashed a love
heart and a O+ symbol together and gave it ears. LUNA: (gasp)
That's it! The strange energy I felt! GARABEN:
Well, if I can't take your energy, I'll just take your entire brain! Garaben throws Allison
down to the ground. Luna does another Big Backflip, and an odd pen appears
at the apex. She slides it over to Allison. LUNA:
Quickly, Allison! Pick up that pen! ALLISON:
(gets the pen) What? A talking... LUNA: Yes, I
know I'm a talking cat, I've already been through it with Lisa. Just hold up the pen
and say "Murcuri Powa, Make up!" ALLISON:
What? Allison gets up, and looks
at Garaben. It morphs it's arm into a really big axe. Allison glares at
it. ALLISON:
okay... (raises pen) MURCURI POWA, MAKE UP! A thick layer of water
covers her, and when it subsides Allison is wearing a fetching
boots-leotard-skirt-bows-tiara combo similar to Sailor Moon's. The bows
and skirt are all blue. LUNA:
Allison is the second Sailor Soldier, Sailor Mercury! (NOTE : Like Moon, Allison
shall be referred to as MERC-ALLISON when she is Sailor Mercury) LUNA: Quick,
Sailor Mercury! Use the Shabon Sprayy! MERC-ALLISON
(twiddles her ears): Sorry, what did you say? I can't hear, I've got water in my
ears. LUNA: USE
THE SHABON SPRAYY! MERC-ALLISON:
Okay... SHABON... SPRAYY! Merc-Allison POSES, TWISTs
a little and POSES again as she throws out lots of little bubbles,
creating a dense fog. GARABEN:
What the... I can't see anything... so cold... The papers pinning
Moon-Lisa to the wall go soggy, and she is able to get free. MOON-LISA (awestruck):
So Allison is another Sailor Soldier? That's great! But... where is she? I can't see
anything here... Garaben is still searching
for Merc-Allison. It suddenly sees her in the distance. GARABEN:
I've found you now! You'll pay! Garaben charges and
dives... and goes flying through a plate glass window. The image of
Merc-Allison was merely a reflection. Merc-Allison steps out from the fog. MERC-ALLISON:
I can't believe it was so easy to outsmart it! (calls) SAILOR MOON! Over here! MOON-LISA:
Coming! (steps out of the mist) I heard glass breaking, where'd it go... (sees
window) oooh... (smirk) CUT TO: A large open-top truck is
parked outside the school. Its cargo is cabbage. A pair of youma
legs stick out the top. Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison stand in the
school window. MERC-ALLISON:
Do we do anything else, or is that punishment enough? MOON-LISA:
Leave this to me. CUT TO: REPETITIVE CUT-'N'-PASTE TIARA ATTACK Moon-Lisa appears before a
trippy background with bubbles and stuff in it. Close-up of her tiara.
She picks it off her head, and POSES. Then she holds it in front of
her and SPINS twice on one leg. The tiara starts to glow becoming a
disc of white light. She POSES. MOON-LISA:
MOOON TIARRA ACSHUN! She throws the tiara/disc
like a frisbee. CUT TO: STREET Garaben (shouting): I hate
cabbages! AAAARGH! There is a bright flash of
light. Merc-Allison shades her eyes. When it subsides, most of the
cabbages are vaporized, and the rest are covered in the dirt and dust that
Garaben was transformed into. Merc-Allison looks at her gloved hand. MERC-ALLISON:
I'm... I'm... MOON-LISA:
You're the second Sailor Soldier, Sailor Mercury. MERC-ALLISON:
That's strange, I was sure it was impossible this morning... I guess I can't
be right about everything. MOON-LISA:
Don't worry about it, I still have trouble understanding how all this can be real. LUNA (stern):
Sailor Moon... MOON-LISA (apologetic):
Okay, okay, no more. But there's one thing I don't understand. Why didn't the
computer steal your energy, Mercury? MERC-ALLISON:
I had lost my crystal disk, so I wasn't running the program at the time. I
think that must be what prevented it. MOON-LISA:
So what were you doing on that computer then? Moon-Lisa goes over to
take a look, Merc-Allison chases her. MERC-ALLISON
(worried): Nothing, it was nothing. MOON-LISA: (smirk)
You were writing fanfic? Wow... I thought I was introverted, but I guess
you're still a step ahead of me... MERC-ALLISON:
Hey now, that's art! MOON-LISA
(funny look): Right... CLETUS (OS):
Hey, what in the durn heck happened to mah cabbages? The two girls look
guiltily at each other. BOTH:
Whoops... They run away. CUT TO: Lisa and Allison sit on a
bench, talking to Luna. (they are muted) Luna does a backflip and a slim
blue case appears, dropping to the ground. ALLISON
(voice-over): It took me a while to get used to the magic, so Luna gave me a great
miniaturized super-computer as well, to use in analyzing enemy powers and
weak spots, and devising strategies. LISA (voice-over):
It is a nice computer, I'm sure it'll be useful. So Luna, will we be getting
any more friends? LUNA (voice
over): Yes, we should. And my feline intuition says it will be quite soon...
although "friend" is debatable... Continued in Part 3! PS. Something very strange
happened with this fic. It turns out that not only do Usagi and Lisa
have the same voice actress in Allison and Ami also have
the same actress there! I was pretty shocked to find out. :-) EXT: LISA (voice-over): Oh no, not her... CUT TO: NEAR BACK DOOR LOVEJOY: Look Chief, all I know is they left their
bridge club meeting at the hall, got on the bus, and never arrived at their
homes. LISA (voice-over): It was the talk of the town at
the time - entire buses full of old people were going missing from the bus stop
near the church. Of course, we suspected the LUNA (whisper): Sssh, Lisa, not so loud! Do you
want them to hear us? a
The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover "PRETTY
SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON" by
Steven Scott / GKScotty /
Steveite from
an idea by Rich Wilson /
Cuteswan Images
drawn by Marco Berzacola unless
otherwise noted. Lisa and Luna turn, to see JESSICA
LOVEJOY (episode "Bart's Girlfriend") standing over them. They both
scream briefly, then start shaking their heads rapidly. LUNA: Meow, meow meow, meow meow, meow, meow. (about Jessica... A trip to church
suddenly became interesting for Bart, as he caught sight of Reverend Lovejoy's
beautiful daughter Jessica. But his attempts to woo her met with failure until
he started misbehaving - unknown to anyone, Jessica was the biggest hellion JESSICA: Humph, I knew you were a goody-two-shoes
snitch, Lisa, but I didn't know you were crazy enough to talk to animals. What
are you doing here? Lisa walks off toward the front of
the church. Luna takes a last look at Jessica, and follows. CUT TO: FRONT OF CHURCH LISA: That obnoxious, stupid, stuck up...
criminal! I wouldn't be surprised if she were behind this, I really wouldn't. She pulls a mobile phone out of her
bag, and dials a number. LUNA: Didn't I give you communicators? SPLIT SCREEN - show ALLISON waiting
at a bus stop. ALLISON: Hello? A CREAM PIE comes out of nowhere and
smacks into Allison's face. KRUSTY (OS): Oops, sorry! Automatic reaction! Allison glares offscreen, and tries
to wipe cream out of her eyes. LISA: Hey, what was that? Are you okay? They hang up, and the screen goes
back to just being Lisa. LISA: She's on her way. CUT TO: FRONT STEPS OF CHURCH JESSICA: Huh, look at her, trying to act all smart
and resourceful. Little Lisa Snitchy has as much chance of figuring this out as
you do! Jessica walks back to where she'd
talked to Lisa and Luna. JESSICA: Unless... boy, I bet it would really piss
off Lisa if I found out what's going on before her. It'd be a great way to get
back at her for tattling on me... (looks down) hey, what's this? She finds a fancy red pen on the
ground. JESSICA: She must have dropped it. Oh well, I'll just
keep it. (puts it in a pocket) Well, that's it then. I'll just start my own
investigation. CUT TO: CHURCH PARKING LOT LISA (voice-over): We met up with Allison, and
got on the bus. While MOON-LISA looks around,
MERC-ALLISON uses her computer and touches her right earring, and a blue visor
lowers out from her tiara to cover her eyes. She looks around, scanning the
bus. LISA (voice-over): But as far as we could tell,
it was just a normal bus. The girls are hidden under the seats
when old people start getting on - among the oldies are Grampa Simpson, Jasper,
the Crazy Old Man and Mrs Glick. OTTO also gets on. OTTO: Okay, old dudes! I know you're probably all
worried about the kidnappings of your friends... The old folk cheer. JASPER: Now that's forward thinking! He waves the gun, and accidentally
shoots out the back window of the bus. The oldies are quiet for a moment, and
then cheer again. CUT TO: MOON LISA UNDER A SEAT MOON-LISA: This is a farce... A foot is put down next to her
face... its wearing sandals. Moon-Lisa screws up her face, and pinches her
nose. MOON-LISA: Oh god... CUT TO: ARIEL VIEW OF THE PARKING LOT The bus pulls away, and heads down
the street. Suddenly, a black portal materializes down the street from the bus,
and fills the otherwise empty street. CUT TO: THE BUS - VIEW FROM THE BACK,
FACING TOWARD THE FRONT LUNA: That sounds like our cue! They get out from under the seats,
and Merc-Allison strikes a pose. MERC-ALLISON: Quick Otto, stop this bus or we'll all be
kidnapped! Moon-Lisa just tries to breathe
again, and ends up almost having a coughing fit. LUNA: Sailor Moon, this isn't the time... She runs up to the front of the bus,
Merc-Allison following. MOON-LISA: Otto, stop the bus now! That portal must be
what somebody is using to kidnap these buses! Merc-Allison scans the portal with
her visor and computer. MERC-ALLISON: I don't think that's very accurate Otto, my
computer says it's a pan dimensional non-harmonious rift in simultaneous 4-day
cube space. Shot of everyone looking at the
portal, which is right in front of the bus now. Merc-Allison, Moon-Lisa and
Luna scream. OTTO: All right, this is getting good! CUT TO: OUTSIDE THE BUS MOON-LISA (OS): It's going in! Everyone hold onto your
tiaras! The bus goes all the way through the
portal. CUT TO: FRONT OF CHURCH JESSICA: (sigh) Oh, this is hopeless... I don't have
any idea where to start. I'll never find any clues at this rate, and I'm too
proud to ask that dog on Nick Junior. Jeez, there must be SOMETHING around
here, just under my nose or something... I can't shake the feeling that it's
something nearby. CUT TO: JESSICA'S POV JESSICA: Hey, that looks like fun! But I'd never get
away with doing it too. Hey... wait a minute! CUT TO: FRONT OF CHURCH JESSICA: But that's... Creepy Jimbo gets up from washing
the steps, and goes inside the church. JESSICA: I should have known! CUT TO: INSIDE THE CHURCH JESSICA: Hey, you! Faker! C-Jimbo's clothes shimmer, and
change to the uniform of a JIMBOITE: But now that you know kid, I can't let you
live! (waves an arm. A black portal appears!) You can go in too, then! The portal sucks a screaming Jessica
in, and closes behind her. INT: WEIRD DIMENSION CUT TO: ON THE BUS MERC-ALLISON: Great, now where are we? Moon-Lisa "Hmmmm"'s, and
heads to the back of the bus. MOON-LISA: Attention old people! Do not be alarmed at
your new, unfamiliar surroundings, we are trying to find a way back to your
usual dimension and your afternoon Matlock as soon as possible! CUT TO: OUTSIDE MOON-LISA (testing the ground): Hmm, seems solid
enough. Merc-Allison, Luna, Otto and the Old
Folks follow her out. JASPER (satisfied): Well I'll be jiggered. It looks like I've
finally died. Jasper dives at the COM. They
struggle, and roll along the ground, in front of the two Sailor Soldiers and
Luna. MOON-LISA: So have you figured out where we are yet? Everything is silent for a moment. A
spooky wind blows. LUNA: If that's right, we're in big trouble. That
had better not be right. There is a THUNDERCLAP, and thanks
to either coincidence or contrivance JESSICA falls out of a portal directly
above the two soldiers, falling on them. JESSICA/MOON-LISA/MERC-ALLISON: OW! She sees who she's landed on, and
gapes at them for a moment, before standing and helping them up. JESSICA (gushing, to Moon-Lisa): oh my god oh my god
it's you! (to Merc-Allison) And you! I can't believe it, I am your biggest
fans, I mean fan! Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison look at
each other, and smile. MOON-LISA (sly): Let me get this straight. You,
Jessica Lovejoy, are our biggest fan? After a brief pause, Moon-Lisa and
Merc-Allison burst out laughing. JESSICA: What? What is it? Hey, what's so funny? Everyone looks at Jessica, who steps
backward. JESSICA: What? I'm not a youma, I swear! If I was a
stupid, stupid youma, I would have revealed myself at the slightest suspicion,
right? They glance sideways at Mrs. Glick,
who turns into a lizardlike youma. STUPID, STUPID YOUMA : Okay, you got me! But you'll never defeat
me! Moon-Lisa turns to her, angrily. MOON-LISA: Will you shut up about that? This isn't a
cartoon! (back to Youma) Youma! I won't forgive you for kidnapping people and
bringing them to this kind of place! (pose) In the name of the moon (pose) I'll
punish you! (pose, pose) CUT TO: REPETITIVE CUT-'N'-PASTE TIARA
ATTACK MOON-LISA: MOOON TIARRA ACSHUN! She throws the tiara/disc like a
Frisbee. CUT TO: WEIRD DIMENSION YOUMA : Ha, you think I could be destroyed with
this toy? I was a world Frisbee champion in my youth, you know! She raises a hand, and the tiara
moves, binding the youma's wrists and ankles together. It's trussed up like a
turkey. YOUMA : Hey! Waah! Woaaahhhh... (falls over) Merc-Allison uses her computer. MERC-ALLISON: Sailor Moon's attacks will not be able to
destroy this youma! Moon-Lisa slaps a hand over her
forehead. MOON-LISA: The appeal of fame is starting to wear
off... Luna sees that the pen Jessica is
holding is the transformation pen she left. LUNA: Hey, the pen found you, Jessica! Quickly,
hold it up and say "Marsu powa, make up!" to become Sailor Mars, the
soldier of flame! The youma breaks it's bonds, and
Moon-Lisa's tiara returns to her. LUNA: Do it now, Jessica! (NOTE : And she's henceforth
referred to as MARS-JESSICA when appropriate) She TWIRLS and clasps her hands,
pointing her index fingers out together. A spark appears just above the tips of
her fingers. MARS-JESSICA: ... SOUL! She shoots a great big fireball at
the youma. It hits and the youma is surrounded by a huge pillar of flame,
eventually throwing it into the sky. YOUMA (flying into the air): Aggh! If this is
chastise, what's punish like? Moon, Mercury, Mars and Luna get in
a huddle, and whisper among themselves for a while. Mars-Jessica pokes her head
up. MARS-JESSICA: I don't know, Sailor Moon... it sounds
pretty embarrassing. The soldiers line up, Mars-Jessica
at the left, Merc-Allison in the middle and Moon-Lisa at the right, and start
to do the can-can. MOON/MARS/MERC: Da, diddy-diddy da da diddy-diddy da da
diddy-diddy da da-da-da-da-da-da-da Da, diddy-diddy... All the old folks and Otto line up
behind Mars-Jessica, and start doing the can-can. (badly) Moon-Lisa starts
leading the line toward and then onto the bus. JASPER: Heh, this reminds me of my own time in the
navy... ah, good times, sweet nights... They can-can their way onto the bus,
and Otto drives it out through the portal, towing the other bus behind it.
Grampa continues his story as they do so. GRAMPA (cont): Unfortunately, after that I was double
teamed by Hercule Poirot and Hieronymus Bosch, and not even my mastery of the
art of Anything-Goes Abeyball Martial Arts could win the day. I returned to CUT TO: THE STREET CUT TO: ROOFTOP MERC-ALLISON: Wow, I'm relieved we managed to get out! Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison smile at
each other. MOON-LISA: Okay, if you want to know... Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison change
their uniforms back to their regular clothes. There is a brief pause, then
Mars-Jessica's jaw drops. MARS-JESSICA: My teammates, Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury
are... nerds? Another pause, then... CUT TO: VERY, VERY HIGH VIEW OF LISA (voice-over): Needless to say, we saw
fangirl Jessica rarely from that point on, and she returned to her normal nasty
self. As a variety of unrelated
soldier-fight scenes play on the screen, Allison giggles on the voiceover. JESSICA (voiceover): That was a cruel trick, Lisa.
In the name of Mars, I'll REALLY punish you! CUT TO: JESSICA (voiceover): Oh, he was easy! We ran him
over with a jet! Sure enough, the front plane wheel
goes over Jimboite. SQUISH. JIMBOITE: Owww... (leg twitches) CUT TO: A JESSICA: This is what you get for tricking me! She moves inbetween them, and Lisa
and Jessica stop fighting. LUNA: Now, I think we all know that the INT: BIG SPOOKY
MANSION. NIGHT NELSONITE: The stars know everything. The life of
humans is governed by the stars, and at one point in their lives the energy of
a human will rise to a great level due to celestial intervention... I shall
take that energy for our ruler. Stars, grant me the mystical power, show me the
next target! He sits down, and opens a newspaper.
NELSONITE: Okay, I'm a Sagittarius - (reads) Chance
encounters and mistaken identities will bring love. Your confident attitude
finds you favour with your boss, but beware of jealous co-workers trying to
kill you. A set of badly dressed schoolgirls may cause problems. Regardless of
everything else, you have a cool car despite being only 10, so you're doing
fine. Your lucky colour is grey, lucky number is 3, the victim of the week is a
tennis player. a
The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover "PRETTY
SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON" by
Steven Scott / GKScotty /
Steveite from
an idea by Rich Wilson /
Cuteswan Images
drawn by Marco Berzacola unless
otherwise noted. LISA (Voice-over): Unfortunately it all ended in
tragedy, as Nelsonite's colleague, Dolphite caught up with him... CUT TO: WOOD - NIGHT Nelsonite leans against a tree. He's
somewhat worse for wear, as he has about 6 3-foot-long thorns stuck through his
chest. JANEY is kneeling beside him. JANEY: No, don't die! MOON-LISA, MARS-JESSICA and
MERC-ALLISON watch from a vantage point some distance away. MARS-JESSICA: I guess it's the same old story. Boy meets
girl, girl gets crush, boy mistakes girl for Sailor Moon, boy steals girl's
energy, girl doesn't seem to mind, boy uses girl to steal crystals, girl still
doesn't seem to mind, boy uses girl to find out Sailor Moon's secret identity,
girl STILL doesn't seem to mind, girl is kidnapped, boy finally gets a damn
conscience, boy rescues girl, boy wants chocolate parfait, boy is killed by 3
foot thorns, girl is heartbroken. Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison shake
their heads sadly, tears in their eyes. MERC-ALLISON: So sad... It's always the same. JANEY (voiceover): It took a while, but I
eventually did, and I got myself a new boyfriend. The boy who'd stuck by me the
closest when I was sad... CUT TO: THE BENCH IN THE LISA/ALLISON/JESSICA (in unison, surprised): Woah! When did you
two get here??? They get up and leave. The girls
climb down off each other and sit on the bench. LISA (disturbed): Anyone predict that those two would get
together? INT: THE BIG BLACK SCAREY PLACE. BERYL: Our collection of energy is proceeding far
too slowly! The A small white dog wearing glasses
enters. DOGBERT: Right here, Queen. He pulls the cord on a curtain
behind him, revealing a luxuriously decorated cardboard box, roughly the size
of a penthouse. KEARNEYITE/DOLPHITE: Oooh... Fade out, and show caption "Two
weeks later" Fade in to show Beryl, Dolphite and Kearneyite slowly
staggering into the throne room. Dolphite and Kearneyite both carry a heavy
backpack. KEARNEYITE: Correct me if I'm wrong, your highness, but
did we just pay $2000 a head to walk from CUT TO: ANOTHER PART OF THE DARK KINGDOM KEARNEYITE: Die! NABIKI TENDO (filtered): I told you this was a bad idea. Dogbert disappears in a flash of
light, just as the KEARNEYITE: Damn! We missed him! Beryl glides over. BERYL: Kearnyite, hunt down that consultant and
destroy him! The rest of you, forget what he said... we're going back to
basics. Dolphite... Beryl waves a hand over the orb on
her staff. A black crystal comes out of the orb, and throws itself over to
Dolphite, who catches it. BERYL: Forget about human energy... if we had the
Ginzoushou, or Silver Plot Device, we would be able to awaken our great ruler
instantly. The Ginzoushou will shine when all the "Rainbow Crystals"
are collected - and this Dark crystal will lead you to the humans that have the
rainbow crystals. Got it? CUT TO: STREET - DAY LUNA: I must say, Lisa, I'm very impressed with
how well you girls are doing. You're tackling our enemies responsibly and
competently, even though you're a bit young. I was occasionally afraid that the
soldiers would turn out to be ditzes, but I'm glad you have a brain in your
head. LISA (smiling, but a bit embarrassed): He he...
well, thanks Luna... I'd prefer it if it didn't seem so silly though, I mean,
couldn't we change the uniform a little or something... Lisa's not looking where she's
going, and walks into a 9th grade girl. The girl and her two friends tower over
Lisa. All three are dressed somewhat slutty and smoke cigarettes. GIRL 1: Hey shrimp, watch where you're going! Girl 1 pushes Lisa over. 2 and 3
hold Lisa down, while 1 goes through Lisa's bag. LISA: Agh! Hey, don't... hey, lemmie go! Camera quickly pans over to LAURA
POWERS. (episode "New Kid On The Block") She stands with a hand on
her hip and her schoolbag over her shoulder. (Laura is a teenager who moved in
next door to the Simpsons. Bart became infatuated with her, but his heart was
(almost literally) torn out when she got herself a boyfriend - Jimbo Jones.
Bart managed to get his own back though - he tricked Moe into threatening Jimbo
with a very sharp knife. Jimbo burst into tears and Laura realized he wasn't
the hard man he made himself out to be. So she dumped the wimp. When she was
younger, Laura spent a lot of time travelling the world as her dad was in the
army. Now her parents are divorced and she live with her mother Ruth in GIRL 3: Hey, you're an eighth grader, aren't ya? LISA (voiceover): Needless to say, when a lone
heroine babysitter is outnumbered by bullies in defense of an innocent
victim... Show quick flashes of Laura
uppercutting one girl, kicking the next, and throwing the last over her
shoulder LUNA (voiceover): ... she always beats the
stuffing out of them. Absolutely always. CUT TO: STREET LISA: Um... thanks for helping back there... how'd
you do that? They continue, and pass the
Kwik-E-Mart... there seems to a huge commotion going on outside. LISA: Hey, what's going on over there? Close up on Luna. LUNA (thinking): Hm, I sense a strange energy.
We'd better be careful. CUT TO: OUTSIDE KWIK-E-MART JOE (to self): He he... plushies for Joe, more
plushies for Joe... (he rubs his cheek against the Itchy doll, making "mnn
mnn" noises, and then seems to wake up, as he notices people are watching
him) Hey, what are you looking at? All the people looking at him take a
step backward. Joe looks at the dolls. JOE: Hm, I hate it when that happens in public...
He puts the dolls in a bag, and
another quarter in the machine. Camera pans over to Lisa, who walks over to
Allison and Jessica. LISA: Heya... what's going on? Who is this guy? Tight shot of Joe's profile. His
face is turning red with excitement as he wins another doll. Suddenly, the
muzzle of a shotgun is pressed into his cheek. APU (OS): Please to be stepping away from the
machine. Cut backwards to show APU and SANJAY
pointing shotguns at Joe. Joe puts up his hands and steps back. APU: I do not know how you have been so lucky
with my rigged amusement, but I must ask you to step away and allow others to
waste their money on it. Take your ill-gotten toys and leave please. Apu and Sanjay cock their guns. Joe
backs away. APU: Nobody wins those dolls fair and square! It
is not possible Sir! He grabs his bag and leaves, passing
Lisa, Allison and Jessica who watch him go. JESSICA: I'd say that one's missing a few buttons. Camera pans back to show Laura
standing next to Lisa. She has a lovesick look on her face. LAURA: My old boyfriend... JIMBO appears from out of nowhere. JIMBO: Hey, I resemble that remark! Laura runs off, chasing after Joe. LISA: Wow, pretty weird. CUT TO: A PARK LAURA: Ah, he's so cute and wimpy... just like my
old boyfriend... CUT TO: CLOSEUP OF JOE AND HIS TOYS JOE: So what do you like about me, Clyde Frog? JOE (to himself, as CUT TO: CLOSEUP OF LAURA LAURA: Woah, where did you three come from? Is
everyone following me about today? They nod at each other, and grab
their transformation pens, but are interrupted by a coughing coming from the
ground. Luna is hiding in the bush and glares up at them. LUNA (whisper): I sincerely hope you're not
thinking of transforming in front of Laura, and attacking a civilian? Luna shakes her head. JESSICA: Okay Luna... come on Allison, lets go find a
private place to transform, and then get him! They run off. LUNA: Hey, that's not what I meant... aw, forget
it. Pan back to Laura and Lisa. Laura
apparently hasn't noticed any of this, as she's still looking at Joe. LAURA: Okay, I'm going to make my move. She gets up from behind the bush,
and walks over towards Joe. LAURA: Hi, I... Joe grabs his toys and holds them to
his chest. JOE (snarling): MY PRECIOUS! CUT TO: BEHIND BUSH LAURA: Okay, on to plan B. As she gets to "I mean",
DOLPHITE teleports into the area near Joe. Joe is a bit scared. LAURA: ... hey, who the heck is that? Luna sticks her head out from the
bush. LUNA (quiet): A Dark Kingdom general! (heads
through bush to Lisa) Lisa, sneak away and change to Sailor Moon! Lisa looks at Luna and nods. CUT TO: CLEARING IN PARK. JOE (scared): Who, who are you? And what do you
want with my plushies? Dolphite throws the black crystal
toward Joe. DOLPHITE: Dol! The crystal spins, and hangs in the
air. It then starts giving out weirdo rays represented by loads of concentric
circles. The concentric circles make Joe even weirder - viz, he starts shaking
and screaming. LAURA (getting up): Hey, what do you think you're
doing to him? Dolphite snatches the crystal back,
as Laura attacks him. She tries to kick and punch for several seconds, but
Dolphite just dodges. Eventually however she manages to get a punch in on
Dolphite's cheek, and he staggers. DOLPHITE: Hey! You hit me! But you won't stop me... I
WILL have the rainbow crystal! Dol! He throws out the Dark Crystal
again, and Joe starts screaming again. A red crystal comes out of his chest,
and flies over to Dolphite's hand. DOLPHITE: I got it! Yes, at some point Lisa has finally
got her hands on that brooch and changed to Sailor Moon mode. Dolphite is
unimpressed. DOLPHITE: You're too late. Take care of them, Youma Gesen!
He disappears, teleporting away.
Moon-Lisa and Laura gasp, and then turn to Joe. He's kneeling on the ground and
screaming - a huge whirlwind rises up around him, and when it subsides, a youma
shaped like a robotic man is there. YOUMA GESEN: GESEN! He points his arm at Lisa, and
presses some buttons on his gauntlet. It makes some "video-gamey"
beeps and bloops. Then the hand turns into a grabber which shoots straight at
Moon-Lisa, seizing her and binding her arms to her sides. LAURA: Look out! She tries to break out of the grip,
but can't. LUNA: Sailor Moon! (to self) Oh, where did Jessica
and Allison go? I thought they would be back soon... CUT TO: LADIES TOILETS JESSICA: MARSU POWA, MAKE UP! A huge fire flares in the cubicle
that Jessica is in, while water starts flooding out of the cubicle Allison is
in. This continues for a few seconds, until Merc-Allison opens her door and the
blackened and charred door falls off of Mars-Jessica's cubicle, and she exits
it. The floor is flooded with water, and Mars-Jessica's cubicle is on fire. She
looks at it, and puts her hands to her mouth. MARS-JESSICA: Oops... She tries to use the Shabon Spray to
put the fire out. CUT TO: BACK AT THE FIGHT LUNA (to self): Well, I hope they return soon! I
don't know how much longer Sailor Moon can hold on. Closeup of Moon-Lisa. She struggles
against the bonds for a few seconds... and then they suddenly disappear. MOON-LISA: Huh? She looks up, and sees that Laura
has picked up Gesen, and is holding it over her head! As she holds the pose, a
symbol similar to a green 4 appears on her forehead. LAURA: I'm a big fan of Sailor Moon, so leave her
alone! Laura suddenly turns red as her
shoulders slump, and stumbles to the side a little before falling over. LUNA (deadpan): That's because she can't. Gesen gets up. GESEN: GESEN! Laura is immediately covered by
electricity - we see her hair standing out on end, and an x-ray of her skeleton
in a "shock" pose. LAURA: Bzzt-but-bzztt-bu-buztz-bu-butz-buzz... JUP-LAURA (breathless): Woah... what a rush... She jumps up into the air, toward
Gesen. JUP-LAURA: My planet Jupiter, bring the storms, dark
clouds, and thunder! A lightning rod extends out of the
gem in Jup-Laura's tiara. Lightning crackles around it. JUP-LAURA: SUPREIM THUNDA! She shoots the lighting at the
youma. As it's mechanical and electrical, it crackles and almost shuts down
from being overloaded. GESEN: GE-GE-GESEN! Luna does a BIG TWIRLY BACKFLIP, and
a wand with a crescent-moon shaped head appears. It falls into Moon-Lisa's
hands. LUNA: It's the Moon Wand. Wave it about a lot and
say "Mooon Healinggu Escalation! CUT TO: REPETITIVE MOON WAND ATTACK MOON-LISA: MOOON HEALINGGU ESCALATION! CUT TO: BACK TO THE PARK GESEN: Refresh! He turns back into JOE, and falls
over. There is silence for a moment. MOON-LISA: Refresh? An ambulance pulls up, and DR NICK
RIVIERA gets out. NICK: Hi everybody! Nick sees Joe lying on the ground. NICK: Holy smokes! You caught the escaped mental
patient we were looking for! NICK: Well then... come on Joe! Two men come out of the ambulance,
straitjacket Joe, and load him onto a stretcher. He's still partly unconscious,
just groaning occasionally. NICK: Thanks again, we need to get Joe back to his
treatment. Bye everybody! The ambulance doors close, and it
drives off. Follow it for a moment. NICK (OS): Now Joe, since you missed so much of
your treatment, we'll have to increase the voltage for just now. Or should we
increase the amps? Eh, lets do both! Loud ZAPPING noises are heard, and
lights flash in the ambulance. Joe's screams are heard over the noise. NICK: Oh, that was a good one. Now, how do you
feel about dolls? CUT TO: BACK TO THE PARK (AGAIN) JUP-LAURA: Well, it's good to know he's in safe hands. MARS-JESSICA and MERC-ALLISON run
over. MARS-JESSICA: Okay, if you see anybody claiming we
vandalized a restroom, we didn't do it, okay? Both Mars-Jessica and Merc-Allison
bow their heads sadly. MARS-JESSICA/MERC-ALLISON: Aww... LISA (voiceover): We explained everything that
had happened to Allison and Jessica, and told Laura about everything we knew. CUT TO: THE PARK BENCH LAURA: So, what do we do now? Jessica picks up Luna, and holds her
level with her face. JESSICA: Do you know ANYTHING about her? A sweatdrop appears over everyone's
heads, and they bow their heads. Lisa puts her face in her hands. LISA: We're doomed... INTRO MONTAGE Shot of LISA,
standing with her back to you, She turns and smiles as the VO speaks. LISA (voiceover): Hi, my name's Lisa Simpson! She makes the victory sign with her
fingers. Shots of Lisa's swish-swish-swish-swish transformation sequence. LISA (voiceover): It's strange but, as you should
know if you've been paying any attention, somehow I've ended up as the pretty
suited soldier for love and justice, Sailor Moon! And my friends are - Shot of ALLISON turning into
MERC-ALLISON LISA (VO cont): the kind genius girl, Allison
Taylor... Shot of JESSICA turning into
MARS-JESSICA LISA (VO cont): the beautiful but nasty Jessica
Lovejoy Shot of LAURA turning into JUP-LAURA
LISA (VO cont): and our newest but eldest member,
Laura Powers! There are four of us now, so we should have nothing to worry
about... Close-up of MOON-LISA's face as she
does her salute. LISA (VO cont): but I can't help it. With
something this weird, wouldn't you worry a little? Oh well, we'll try our best!
MOON-LISA giggles a little. a
The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover "PRETTY
SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON" by
Steven Scott / GKScotty /
Steveite from
an idea by Rich Wilson /
Cuteswan Images
drawn by Marco Berzacola unless
otherwise noted. ESTABLISHING SHOT : SIMPSONS
HOUSE CUT TO: KITCHEN MARGE stands by the
sink, washing dishes. HOMER is sitting at the table. Marge acts as normal but
has a vertical blue line on her forehead and a blue mark on each cheek. MARGE (concerned): Homer, have you noticed how strangely Lisa's
been acting lately? The background behind Homer suddenly
changes to a picture of LISA diving out of the way of a ball. It then fades to
a similar pose of MOON-LISA diving out of the way of a huge fireball. HOMER (cont, next finger): sprinting... The background behind Homer changes
to a picture of LISA running down the track leaving other students in her wake.
It then fades to a similar pose of MOON-LISA sprinting away from a GIANT YOUMA.
HOMER (cont, next finger): high jump... Marge just gapes at Homer. MARGE: Did you just say... She is interrupted by extremely loud
ROCK MUSIC, and looks up at the ceiling. HOMER: Well, at least Bart's still as American as
apple pie and evil faceless corporations. BART! IT'S TOO LOUD! BART (shout, OS): YOU'RE TOO OLD! Thankfully for the rest of the
scene, the music does turn down a bit. MARGE: And that's another thing. When did Bart
become the world's biggest Metallica fan? Suddenly an odd creature jumps onto
the table. It looks a bit like a rabbit with 8 spidery (but still furry) legs.
Marge gasps. MARGE: A bug! Whip pan over to PATTY and MARGE: We'll, I'm just glad none of us are
affected! LUNA enters the room, and looks at
everyone, a puzzled look on her face. She seems to shrug her shoulders, and
walks out. LUNA (to self): Weird people... EXT: THE KWIK-E-MART CAR PARK,
NIGHT LUNA: Time to talk to Central Control again. The doors open for her, and she
heads inside. CUT TO: INSIDE THE
KWIK-E-MART APU is behind the
counter, but aside from him and Luna the store is deserted. Luna sees the
"Cat Fight" arcade machine (from ep "Bart Star") and heads over,
jumping up to the control platform. Quick shot of the game - two women
fight on a huge cannon with the sea in the BG. One wears a white top and black
miniskirt, the other an entirely-too-revealing red dress. They stand slapping
each other. WOMEN: Bitch! Bitch! Skank! Bitch! Skank! Skank!
Bitch! Skank! Bitch! LUNA: Central control certainly seems to have a
twisted sense of humor. Oh well, lets see this code again. (she puts her paws
on the controls) Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start. The screen freezes and turns light
blue. An oscilloscope-line on the screen synchronizes with Control's speech. CONTROL (male, filtered): Password accepted.
Welcome, Luna. Do you have a report to make? CONTROL (filtered): That is excellent news, Luna. Luna nods at the screen. CUT TO: FROM BEHIND APU'S
COUNTER Apu looks out over
his counter. A black paw reaches up onto the counter and leaves a $20 bill
there. LUNA: You didn't see nuthin'. MONTAGE: the Sailor Soldiers fighting some of the
Great Youma's - for example, Rev Lovejoy with a pair of angel wings and boxing
gloves. LISA (voiceover): What followed was a very
difficult process of waiting for Dolphite to strike, letting him take the gem,
and then taking the gem from him while also trying to defeat the new youma. Too
often we freed the person, but failed to get the gem... we needed some help.
But who? INT: LISA'S BEDROOM, NIGHT LAURA: There's got to be someone we could ask for
help. CUT TO: CUT TO: COCKPIT OF ROBOT MILHOUSE: Uh oh, this ain't good... A HOLOGRAMATIC ALEX WHITNEY (ep
"Lard of the Dance") appears in front of him. It's obviously the
robot's form of communication. She's seen in a square pop-up window. ALEX: Milhouse, you suck! Now I'm going to have to
upstage you and defeat the monster myself! She disappears, and A HOLOGRAMATIC
KIRK VAN HOUTEN appears. He's steepled his fingers in front of him, and is
mostly in shadow except for his bright white glasses. KIRK: I'm very disappointed in you Milhouse. He disappears, and a HOLOGRAMATIC
NELSON MUNTZ appears. He pounds his fist into his hand angrily. NELSON: My sister was standing next to that statue
you crushed, Van Houten. Remind me to hurt you badly later. Nelson disappears, and Milhouse
clutches his hands to the side of his head. MILHOUSE: Agh, I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANY MORE! I don't
like giant robots or fighting! All I wanted to do was cook fried shrimp! His freak-out is interrupted by A
HOLOGRAMATIC MRS KRABAPPEL appearing. MRS K: So you screwed up again? Well, never
mind... just come back to my place and check out the anthropomorphic penguin I
just got! (wink) She disappears, and Milhouse
shudders. MILHOUSE (to self): I mustn't run away, I mustn't run
away, I mustn't run away... CUT TO: SIMPSONS'S TV ROOM MAGGIE: Suck suuck. CUT TO: LISA'S ROOM LAURA: Well, we could always ask Bart to help. CUT TO: MARA (slightly insane): Ah ha ha ha ha! Bart, my
darling! Marry me today and we shall live in bliss for all eternity! Bart glances over his shoulder at
the pursuing three and runs into somebody. Bart falls backward to the ground.
Camera moves down to the ground next to him to look up at the person - it's
MARTIN. Martin draws a bokken, a Japanese
wooden sword. MARTIN: Ah, it is the rogue, Bart Simpson. Have you
no respect for your betters, cretin? Although it may be wasted on an ignoramus
such as yourself, it must fall to me to teach you a lesson in proper behavior.
(to self) For that is surely my duty - being so noble can be a true chore it
seems, but that is the role of a master swordsman such as I, to punish the
wrong, champion the cause of civility and, on occasion, sell Amway as well. But
enough talk... (to Bart) have at you! But Bart has gone! MARTIN: He... e's buggered off! CUT TO: SIDE STREET BART: Phew, I finally lost them. Bart turns to see SIDESHOW BOB
standing over him. Bob waves a switchblade at Bart. BART: AAAGH! SIDESHOW BOB! There is a sudden deluge of water.
Quickly pan up to a second floor window. NELSON pokes his head out the window.
He carries an empty bucket. NELSON : HAW HAW! Soaked ya good! Quick pan back down. Bart has a
pigtail now, and he is being (ineffectively) assaulted by a small black
pot-bellied pig wielding a switchblade. Bart kicks the pig out the way. BART-CHAN : Uh, great meeting you again, Bob... Bart walks off, leaving the pig
behind. PIG (infuriated): Squeeeeee! (throws switchblade
at ground) Squeeee! (sadly, sits down) Squee... CUT TO: LISA'S ROOM LISA: No, Bart's far too busy. Lisa's face gets a wistful expression.
LISA: Ah, Tuxedo Corey... I'll never forget the
way you swooped in and saved me, before taking me up in your arms and carrying
me to the window, (clasps hands together) where under the moonlit sky you
pledged to... Allison COUGHS loudly, and Lisa
returns to normal-ish. LISA: Oh, sorry, did I do it again? Lisa glares at Jessica and Laura. ALLISON: Well, in any case, did he ever turn up
again? CUT TO: REALLY GIRL: <Hurry!
Hurry, find the Ginzoushou!> TUXEDO KAMEN takes a step forward,
reaching out an arm to her. KAMEN: <The
Ginzoushou? What is it? Tell me where I can find it! And who are you?> Suddenly another GIRL jumps down
from the balcony, and clutches hold of Kamen's entire arm, hanging on to it
with her arms and legs. We can clearly see the girl is LISA in a white dress.
She doesn't act much like Lisa though... LISA (shrill and annoying): <MAAAMMMO-CHAAAAANNNN! I love you MAAAMMMO-CHAAAAANNNN! Please
bring me the Ginzoushou, MAAAMMMO-CHAAAANNNN! I want to MARRY you,
MAAAMMMO-CHAAAANNNN!> Kamen just looks at the girl latched
on to his arm, stunned for a moment, before he panics and tries to shake her
off. She clings on though. KAMEN: <Aggh!
Help! Help, get it off, get it off, get it off! HELP!> There is a sudden flash of light
and... CUT TO: MAMORU CHIBA'S APARTMENT, JUBAAN
WARD, TOKYO, MAMORU: <HELLLP!>
He eventually gets a grip of
himself. MAMORU: <Oh,
not that dream again!> He gets up out of bed, and walks over
to his apartment's balcony. CUT TO: BALCONY MAMORU: <I've
had that dream for as long as I can remember... but the second girl has only
appeared since I came back from Camera stays on Mamoru for a while
as he watches the giant lizard. He comes to a decision. MAMORU: <I
guess I'll just have to return to Before Mamoru can even turn around,
DOLPHITE runs up behind him and beats him over the head with a mallet. Mamoru
crumples to the ground. DOLPHITE (girly giggle): Goodnight, my Prince... INT: LISA'S ROOM - NIGHT LISA: For the time being however, we'll make do...
LUNA bursts through the door,
interrupting Jessica. LUNA: Quick, turn on your TV to Channel 6! There's
something about us on! Lisa finds her TV remote and turns a
TV on her shelves on. CUT TO: " CUT TO: EOS STUDIO CUT TO: INTERVIEW ROSEANNE: Another three years of this and I can fit
into a Volvo. CUT TO: EOS STUDIO KENT: And I'll be visiting the set of the (mirth)
hilarious and edgy new sitcom, "Sex Sex Sex" CUT TO: SEX SEX SEX TWENTYSOMETHINGS (chorus): Sex sex sex explicit sex sex sex
sex sordid sex sex sex sex... A man sitting on the fringe of the
group leans forward. MALE TWENTYSOMETHING (interrupting, whispers): Violence. All the other twentysomething's
recoil in horror. CUT TO: EOS NEWSROOM KENT: Whoo, pretty daring. But first, an opinion
piece disguised as fact. CUT TO: FIRST BANK OF TEEN VOICE (shout, OS): We also have a much better
mortgage... ACK! The sounds of a painful beating are
heard. CUT TO: LISA'S ROOM LISA: What? I didn't do it! CUT TO: SECURITY CAMERA FOOTAGE - DAY CREEPY-MOON: Stop right there! (poses) I am the pretty
soldier (pose) of money and crime (pose) Sailor Moon! (pose) In the name of the
moon (pose) I'll take everything in the vault! (pose, pose) And don't try
anything funny, bulletproof glass can't stop the power of love! The customer puts his hands up and
the teller starts getting money. CUT TO: FIRST BANK OF Camera moves back to show DR PRYOR
standing next to PRYOR: Thank you CUT TO: LISA'S ROOM ALLISON: Uh, Lisa... All 3 girls and Luna pounce on Lisa,
tackling her to the ground, and Laura manages to pull Lisa's brooch out of her
hands. LISA: What? Why are you stopping me? Lisa pauses. LISA: Well, it could be... (hand on forehead)
Geez, sorry girls... Yeah, I know, we can't rush into this. They all get up off of Lisa, and
Laura gives Lisa her brooch back. LUNA: Tomorrow is Saturday, so we'll spend the day
looking for the imposter. EXT: ALLISON: Okay, here's the plan... We'll split into
two groups. Lisa, Luna and myself shall head north from here and ask around.
Jessica and Laura head south. JESSICA shakes her head. JESSICA: I don't like it. Luna should be in a group
of her own. They split up, and head off to ask
people. CUT TO: STREET SKINNER: No, I haven't seen Sailor Moon... though I
would surely like to. School guidelines stipulate that all extracurricular
activities must be approved by a teacher! CUT TO: STREET LAURA: Thank you. CUT TO: MOE'S TAVERN LUNA: So, have you seen Sailor Moon? Moe pulls out a shotgun. MOE: That's not the answer I wanted to hear... CUT TO: STREET LISA: Excuse me, have you seen Sailor Moon around
today? The view pulls out a little to show
Wiggum is standing in front of a somewhat chunky tank with the name
"Bonaparte." LISA: Tank Police? What do you need tanks for? Camera pulls out again. HANS MOLEMAN
is lying under the tank's caterpillar tracks. HANS: Could you let me out from under here now?
Your tank is heavy. EDDIE THE COP sticks his head out of
the tank. EDDIE : Much better chief. We only destroyed 3
buildings chasing this guy. Whip pan over to MRS KRABAPPEL and
MS HOOVER. They are wearing metal bikinis and carry heavy weaponry. Mrs K has a
rocket launcher and about a dozen handguns, Ms H has some kind of combo-plasma
gun/rail gun. MRS K : Hey! We don't destroy that many buildings,
fatty! As she talks she throws her rocket
launcher on the ground in anger. The launcher goes off, and a rocket flies into
the sky before hitting the side of an abandoned building. It crumbles into
dust. MRS K : Oopsie. CUT TO: THE ANDROID'S DUNGEON COMIC BOOK
SHOP Laura approaches the
counter - the COMIC BOOK GUY is behind it. LAURA: Excuse me, have you seen Sailor Moon? She doesn't finish. Jessica runs
into shot and into Laura, knocking her out of shot. Jessica turns to the GUY. JESSICA: Limited edition Sailor V manga signed by
Sailor V herself? How much? Jessica hands over $60 and gets the
book. She walks out of shot just as Laura walks back in. LAURA: Where did you get that kind of money...
(pats pockets) HEY! Where's my purse? CUT TO: DOOR OF OLD LOOKING HOUSE LUNA: Hm, this looks suspicious. I'd better check
it out. She opens the door, and enters. LUNA: You can look forward to a nice big lawsuit!
(turning and walking away, to self) Perverts. CUT TO: CAFÉ LISA: It's no good. There's no sign on her
anywhere. Lisa looks around. There is a
platform hanging from a building, as a WINDOW CLEANER (a Generic Teen) is
washing the windows. Lisa looks further up the street, and sees the silhouette
of CREEPY-MOON walking along the top of a building. Lisa gasps, and grabs
Allison's hand. LISA: There she is! (gets up, dragging Allison)
Come on! Close up of Creepy-Moon from behind.
She laughs to herself, and draws out a blade, which she throws at the platform,
cutting the ropes. The platform falls immediately, and people on the ground
gasp as they see the window cleaner fall to the ground. CLEANER : AAAAAAGH! But at the last moment MOON-LISA and
MERC-ALLISON run in underneath him, and catch him in their arms. (Moon catches
the body, Mercury gets the legs.) But they're not strong enough to hold him -
first their arms shake, then their bodies shake, then their legs shake, then
they all fall over. MOON-LISA (getting up): Ow... well, that could have
worked better. Moon-Lisa looks up at Creepy Moon,
who is laughing to herself. Creepy Moon turns to walk away. MOON-LISA (glare): That maniac! (gets up) Come on
Sailor Mercury, we have to catch her! Moon-Lisa does that big-jump thing
that the Sailors are so good at, jumping first to the top of a no-parking sign,
then the top of a streetlamp, then to roof level. MERC-ALLISON: Hey! Wait up, Sailor Moon! Merc-Allison follows, hopping off of
the TALLEST MAN IN SPRINGFIELD's head instead of the parking sign. CUT TO: ROOFTOP CHASE MOON-LISA (shout): Come back here, you impostor! Merc-Alison takes out her
communicator. MERC-ALLSION (to communicator): Luna! Laura, Jessica!
We've found the imposter and are in pursuit! Merc-Allison looks ahead of her. A
tall tower make entirely of popsicle sticks rises on the skyline. (episode
"Marge VS The Monorail") MERC-ALLISON: Oh, you have got to be kidding me... (to
communicator) They're heading for the Popsicle Skyscraper! CUT TO: CLOSEUP OF MOON-LISA MOON-LISA: Come back here, doppelganger! EXT: POPSICLE TOWER ENTRANCE -
DAY CREEPY MOON runs through the
entrance - MOON LISA is about to follow, but... MARC-ALLISON (OS, shout): Sailor Moon! Wait a second! Moon-Lisa turns and sees
MERC-ALLISON running over to her. But Moon-Lisa keeps chasing. MOON-LISA (still angry): No time to stop! We'll catch
this imposter if it's the last thing I do... She crosses the threshold of the
tower - as she does so, a solid metal wall appears over the door behind her. MOON-LISA (quiet): ...which it may well be. D'oh! DOLPHITE'S disembodied laugh is heard.
DOLPHITE (OS): If you know what's good for you, come
to the top floor, Sailor Moon. We have a hostage you might want to meet. She tests the metal wall behind her,
to check it's impassible. (it is) MOON-LISA: Sailor Mercury! Are you okay? There is no answer. The sound of her
voice is being blocked. Moon-Lisa turns to the stairs and starts heading up,
jumping up a flight at a time. CUT TO: OUTSIDE TOWER MERC-ALLISON: Sailor Moon! Are you there? Hello? (no
answer) Hmm... She takes a step back from the wall,
takes out her computer, and presses the button on her earring that lowers her
visor. Then she starts to analyze the wall. MERC-ALLISON: Fascinating... CUT TO: MOON-LISA: It's you! Done running for now? Creepy Moon pulls off the wig,
revealing her(him)self to be DOLPHITE! Moon-Lisa goes into a
completely-horrified pose. MOON-LISA: Ack! How could anyone mistake YOU for ME?
(clears throat, composes self) Well... now that the imposter is revealed,
(pose) I'm the original and only pretty suited soldier (pose) of love and
justice, (pose) Sailor Moon! (pose) In the name of the Moon, (pose) you're dead
meat for ruining my reputation! (pose, pose) Dolphite laughs to himself. DOLPHITE: No way man. He motions over to his left, and we
see an unconscious MAMORU hanging from a cable by his wrists. The cable is
attached to one of the pillars that overhangs the roof. Dolphite walks forward
a few feet, and places 3 Rainbow gems on the ground. He then heads back to his
starting place, so that the gems are midway between him and Moon-Lisa. DOLPHITE: You've got 4 of the Rainbow Gems. We want
them all. So leave yours in that pile, and I'll let the hostage go without
hurting him. Otherwise... (he draws a finger across his throat) he's dead. CUT TO: OUTSIDE JUP-LAURA: Mercury? What are you doing here? Where's
Sailor Moon? Jup-Laura walks over to the wall and
off-camera to take a look - camera stays where it is. MERC-ALLISON (cont): I've been trying to analyze the
metal to find a possible way though, but it's completely unlike any substance
known to humanity... She is interrupted by the sound of
cracking wood. Pan over to show Jup-Laura kicking a hole in the brittle
popsicle sticks next to the door. JUP-LAURA: Come on, we can get in this way. She goes through, and Luna follows
immediately. Mars-Jessica turns to Merc-Allison. MARS-JESSICA: Didn't you or Sailor Moon think of that? I
thought you were meant to be the smart ones in the group. MERC-ALLISON (embarrassed grin, hand goes behind head): I
guess nobody's thinking straight. Heh. CUT TO: MOON-LISA (thinking): There's no way I can give them
our gems! But... I can't let them kill this guy... he looks kinda familiar as
well. Hmm... there's nothing I can do. She immediately dashes forward to
get the gems, but KEARNEYITE teleports over them, and stretches out a hand. A
bolt of Dark Energy hits the surprised Moon-Lisa, sending her flying back
several feet. KEARNEYITE: Stupid girl... aaah... He stoops down, and picks up the
Gems. KEARNEYITE: Dolphite... (walks over and puts an arm
around Dolphite's waist) Finally, we've succeeded, my dear. Queen Beryl will be
very happy. They lean together, going in for a
kiss... Lisa goes into the same "disgusted" pose she was in earlier. MOON-LISA: Eyah! Before they kiss, Kearneyite glares
at Moon-Lisa. KEARNEYITE: Do you have a problem with our love? Kearneyite looks closely at
Dolphite. He then hops backward and goes into the same disgusted pose that
Moon-Lisa has been using. KEARNEYITE: Eyah! Dude, with that hair I thought you
were a chick! Kearneyite turns red, and freezes
up. KEARNEYITE: Um... excuse me... (cheerily manic) hey! We
have intruders at the bottom of the tower! I'll go check them out! You stay
here and kill Sailor Moon, Dolphite! Kearneyite teleports away before
Dolphite can respond. DOLPHITE: huh? But, we... Dolphite's hand glows as he winds
up, and throws a bunch of icicles at Moon-Lisa. She jumps out the way. MOON-LISA: Waagh! CUT TO: LUNA: No more steps here... we'll have to find another
way up. They proceed across the floor, which
is a large open room here. KEARNEYITE: Stupid girls - I've already found you. They all gasp as Kearneyite appears
before them, and a black dome forms around all 3 girls and Luna. KEARNEYITE: I've just gone through a painful breakup
with my... (annoyed) girlfriend so I've decided to go for a long and
painful death tonight. This forcefield will get smaller and smaller until you
all die. Jup-Laura pushes against the
forcefield, but can't get through. She gives it a kick. JUP-LAURA: It's like solid rock! MUSIC : "Game over theme" MERC-ALLISON: Nuts. Just one more go... Jup-Laura snatches the computer away
from her. MERC-ALLISON: Awww... CUT TO: TOWER ROOF DOLPHITE: Come back here, homewrecker! She dodges Dolphite's attacks,
trying to get far enough away to use her tiara. Suddenly the tower sways
erratically, and Moon-Lisa loses her footing. MOON-LISA: Eyah! She falls down on her back, and
Dolphite poses over her, with the sword at Moon-Lisa's throat. DOLPHITE: Ha, you're not so tough! I dunno how all
those stupid, stupid youma's managed to lose to you! Moon-Lisa just gulps to herself. DOLPHITE: Get ready to die, Sailor Moon! He raises the sword - as he does so,
a red streak speeds past his face, cutting a gash in it. Show the floorboards -
a red rose is embedded in them. Dolphite's cheek has been cut. DOLPHITE: Who... Whip-pan over to MAMORU - he is now
conscious and hanging from the rope by one hand. His free hand reaches into the
jacket he's wearing, and he draws out another rose. Moon-Lisa's eyes bulge out
of LOVE. MOON-LISA: It can't be! Mamoru drops to the ground, and goes
into his transformation sequence - something to do with holding a rose and
throwing a hat. Everyone is relieved that it features no naked glowing
spinning. He turns into TUXEDO KAMEN! Moon-Lisa runs over to him, stars in her
eyes. MOON-LISA: Tuxedo Corey! Dolphite concentrates, and a icicle
materializes behind Moon-Lisa and Tuxedo Kamen. It aims at Moon-Lisa. The icicle shoots toward Moon Lisa's
back. Kamen spots it at the last moment and... FLASH OF RED Moon-Lisa turns in slow motion, and
sees Kamen fall to the ground, the icicle in his chest. She's in shock. DOLPHITE: Hmph... I didn't like him anyway. Never
liked people who lecture. CUT TO: 76th FLOOR MERC-ALLISON: SHABON SPRAYY! Merc-Allison POSES, TWISTs a little
and POSES again as she throws out lots of little bubbles at the forcefield. The
water bounces off the forcefield and back at the girls, soaking them. JUP-LAURA (dryly): Well, anyone got any better ideas? Before she is finished,
Merc-Allison, Jup-Laura and Luna pounce on her. MERC-ALLISON: No! She kneels on the floor and punches
3 times, smashing the popsicle sticks and making a hole. JUP-LAURA: This way! She drops down the hole, but finds
herself landing on the bottom half of the forcefield. A pool of water is here
at the bottom of the field - the water Mercury's magic created has drained to
here. KEARNEYITE: I know I'm not that smart, but I did put a
bottom on my trap! The field is getting smaller still.
Laura climbs back up to the other's level. JUP-LAURA: We're screwed. CUT TO: ROOF LEVEL MOON-LISA: Tuxedo Kamen! But he's already unconscious. MOON-LISA: Please wake up, Tuxedo Kamen! A tear runs down her cheek. It
starts to glow brilliantly. CUT TO: 76th FLOOR LUNA: This can't be it... this can't be the end...
But suddenly, the gems lift off from
Dolphite's hand, and fly upward through the cracks in the ceiling! KEARNEYITE: What the? No! A streak of gold flies into
Kearneyite, taking him completely by surprise, smashing him through the wall
behind him and outside. The forcefield disappears immediately - Jup-Laura,
Merc-Allison and Mars-Jessica look around in surprise, while Luna looks
directly at the source of the voice. MALE VOICE (OS): Sorry we're so late. It took a long
time for us to find the right MARS-JESSICA: From my manga... and the news reports! It's
Sailor V! CUT TO: TOP FLOOR LUNA: Sailor Moon! The 7 rainbow crystals appear, and
hover around Moon-Lisa's head. She watches them, as they come together and form
with her tear to make the Ginzoushou! LUNA: It's the Ginzoushou! The other sailors can just gasp at
it. The Moon Wand spins in mid-air, and the Ginzoushou places itself just at
the bottom of the crescent, at the top of the handle. MERC-ALLISON: Sailor Moon! Moon-Lisa looks blankly at the wand
in her hands for several seconds. LUNA (thinking): Why am I holding my breath? Eventually Moon-Lisa looks up. MOON-LISA: The Ginzoushou... (glares at Dolphite)
You... She raises the moon wand over her
head. DOLPHITE (cowers): No, don't use it! Moon-Lisa thrusts the wand out,
pointing it straight at Dolphite. MOON-LISA: Take this! Nothing happens. She gives the wand
a shake. MOON-LISA: take... this? Dolphite laughs to himself. DOLPHITE (smirk): You seem to be having some problems
with your attack... are you sure you can use that crystal? Moon-Lisa shakes the crystal again. LUNA: She can't use it? Dolphite waves a hand - 3 large
shards of ice appear, pointed directly at Moon-Lisa. He advances on her,
holding the sword out. DOLPHITE: If you won't be using that crystal, then
give it to me. And do it now. She instinctively steps back away
from him, and manages to get a foot stuck in one of the holes between popsicle
sticks. Moon-Lisa falls backward onto her butt. DOLPHITE: Even with your friends backing you up, this
wouldn't be a fair fight for you. MOON-LISA: A fair fight? She looks at Kamen's body, and sees
his cane. MOON-LISA (thinking): Yes, a fair fight... with equal
weapons! He tries to slash down at her, but
she grabs the cane, and blocks his slash. DOLPHITE: huh? Dolphite shoots his icicles at her. LUNA: Sailor Moon? What are you thinking... QUICK!
COVER HER! The other sailors quickly rattle off
their attacks. MERC-ALLISON: SHABON SPRAYY! A stream of bubbles breaks one
icicle, fire melts the next, electricity melts another, and a crescent hits
Dolphite. Moon-Lisa gets up as he reels from the blow, and takes the
initiative, attacking Dolphite with the cane. They start swordfighting -
Kamen's cane is designed for swordplay, and Moon-Lisa is surprisingly good with
it. She doesn't have as much skill as Dolphite, but Moon-Lisa presses her
advantage of surprise, and manages to knock a harried Dolphite back to the edge
of the tower. DOLPHITE: D' don't come closer! You'll regret it! She throws the tiara. DOLPHITE: No! The tiara smacks Dolphite in the
forehead. He falls backward, and off the wall... and off the tower.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... (thump) Moon-Lisa looks at the spot where he
was standing for a while, and exhausted emotionally and physically, faints. MERC-ALLISON: Sailor Moon! Are you okay? KEARNEYITE (OS): She put a lot of her energy into
trying to use that crystal, but can't. Everyone looks over to see
Kearneyite standing by Kamen's body. KEARNEYITE: If there is anything good about losing
Dolphite, at least we know that none of the Sailor Soldiers can use the
Ginzoushou... we can take it from you when we want. (thoughtful) And I guess
there's an extra bonus that nobody else at the Kingdom knew about him being a
guy, which gets me off the hook... MARS-JESSICA: What? They disappear. LUNA: He's gone! CUT TO: LONG SHOT OF THE CUT TO: ROOF ARTEMIS: We're on fire! She walks away from the others
toward the center of the floor, clasps her hands together with the fingers
pointing out, and points directly down. MARS-JESSICA: FIRE... SOUL! A fireball shoots from her
fingertips, and she quickly jumps away as the ball hits the ground beneath her,
creating a large hole. Follow the fireball down as it smashes through floor
after floor, eventually creating a deep hole in the tower's concrete base. Back
to roof level - Merc-Allison looks down. MERC-ALLISON: I think I know what your idea is... SHABON
SPRAYY! She shoots water down the hole,
putting out some fires on the way down and filling the hole at the base. LUNA: Kind of risky, Sailor Mars, but it's our
only shot. Mars-Jessica jumps down the hole.
Show her speeding down the 80 floors and eventually landing in the water at the
bottom. She surfaces, and shouts back up. MARS-JESSICA: It's good! The water's fine! She gets out, and after a moment
Jup-Laura falls down, carrying Moon-Lisa. She is followed by Merc-Allison
carrying Luna, and Venus carrying Artemis. They all flee the tower. EXT: HILLTOP ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF Moon-Lisa eventually rouses and
immediately turns back to LISA. LISA: Uh... where am I? Merc, Mars, Jup and Venus turn back
to civilian clothes. (ALLISON, JESSICA, LAURA and a GIRL) LISA: Tuxedo Kamen! Where is he? Laura hits Jessica lightly on the
back of the head. LAURA (continuing from Jessica): ...left. He left.
Lisa seems too tired to worry. She
looks at the GIRL. LISA: And who are you? I don't recognize you,
sorry... LUNA looks worried. LUNA: This isn't a good sign... CUT TO: DARK KINGDOM THRONE ROOM KEARNEYITE: Why did you call me back, Queen Beryl? I
could have killed them and taken the Ginzoushou. She stands, and walks over to
Kamen's body. BERYL: Do you remember me, Endymion? The queen you
betrayed to side with the She touches his face. He seems to be
having a nightmare. BERYL: Soon, the INT: LISA'S ROOM
- DAY LISA: Tuxedo Kamen... sorry... Lisa's eyes open. LISA (tired): Huh? Oh... hi Mom? Marge puts a hand to Lisa's
forehead. MARGE: It's strange, you don't have a fever. I
wonder what could have made you ill like this. LISA (voiceover): It took me a few days or so to
recover from trying to use the Ginzoushou. I stayed in bed most of the time -
too much time to think about that Saturday's events. a
The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover "PRETTY
SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON" by
Steven Scott / GKScotty /
Steveite from
an idea by Rich Wilson /
Cuteswan Images
drawn by Marco Berzacola unless
otherwise noted. CUT TO: LISA'S ROOM - LATER LISA (voiceover): Luna told me what really
happened to Tuxedo Kamen... she said I wasn't to blame, but... I feel like I
am. LUNA (onscreen): Don't worry Lisa, once we find
the Princess, and we will soon, we'll be able to get him back. Now we have the
Ginzoushou - the Princess can't be far behind. LISA (voiceover): Of course, everyone tried their
best to cheer me up. CUT TO: LISA'S ROOM - LATER ALLISON: I told Ms Hoover that you weren't well,
Lisa... she gave me your homework, and I took extra notes on what we did today
for you. (hands Lisa a sheaf of paper) You know we can't take second grade too
lightly! She opens the manga at the first
(last) page, and looks at the speech-bubbles. They're in Japanese script! LISA: Hey, this is in Japanese! I can't read it. Minako takes the manga from Lisa,
and looks at the signature on the front page. MINAKO: That's funny... I don't remember signing any
manga. I wonder who did this? In the background, a sweatdrop
appears over Artemis' head, and he cowers slightly. LISA (voiceover): Minako had her first day of school in the CUT TO: EIGHTH GRADE CLASSROOM, EARLIER TEACHER: Well, we have a new student joining us today...
(looks closely at slip of paper) Aino Minako, an exchange student from He walks over to the board and
starts writing. MINAKO: But my name is different... The teacher ignores her. MINAKO (under breath): Kono senko wa baka yo... She stomps over to a desk next to
Laura. CUT TO: LISA'S ROOM AGAIN MINAKO (angry): Hey! In this manga, Sailor V acts
like a ditz! (stands up) How could anyone dare to publish this slander of me?
If I ever find who wrote this, I'll punish him in the name of Venus! In the background, another sweatdrop
appears over Artemis' head, and he quietly slinks away. MINAKO: And what's worse is... (sees cakes) oooh.
Can I have one of your cakes please Lisa-chan? Everyone groans. LUNA (groaning): Sometimes comics can be too much
like real life... CUT TO: KWIK-E-MART - LATER CUT TO: CAT-FIGHT MACHINE CONTROL (male, filtered): Password accepted.
Welcome, Luna. Whaaassup? LUNA (worried): We're in big trouble. All five
soldiers are here and we have the Ginzoushou, but the princess still hasn't
turned up! I was so sure she'd be among the Sailor Soldiers too! Sudden silence. Everyone in the shop
turns to look at Luna. Someone drops a shopping basket. Luna grins,
embarrassed. LUNA: Meow? The shoppers shrug their shoulders
and go back to their business. LUNA: Phew, that was close. Luna looks around the store, and
spots a passport photo booth with the curtain drawn, but no feet sticking out
the bottom. LUNA: hm? She jumps down from the game
machine, and starts walking over to it. CONTROL: Uh, where are you going Luna? (she
continues) Uh, pay no attention to the cat behind the curtain! Luna bites the hem of the curtain,
and pulls it open. ARTEMIS sits on the stool, wearing a radio headset. ARTEMIS: uh oh... D'oh! Luna pounces at Artemis. Pan away
from the fight. ARTEMIS: Agh, help! The shoppers ignore him. Cats can't
talk, after all. LISA (voiceover): Naturally this meant Control
was no use any more... Artemis had no more idea where the Princess was than we
did. All we could do was hope she'd turn up. But from that point on the CUT TO: LISA: We have to get out and do something! CUT TO: VENUS TRANSFORMATION SCENE (note : for consistency's sake and
to aid the Simpsons fans, she'll be referred to as VENUS-MINAKO from now on.) CUT TO: BEHIND THE RUBBLE VENUS-MINAKO: What? What's wrong with you? All I did was
henshin... They go though their respective
transformation sequences. (swish-swish-swish/water/fire/electrocuted) Now it's
Venus-Minako's jaw's turn to drop. She looks down at herself, and clenches her
fists. VENUS-MINAKO (enraged): ARTEMIS! Show Luna, who looks at where
Artemis had been sitting. He's already gone, with just a few strands of fur
left floating to the ground. LUNA: Wow. He's getting faster. CUT TO: THE STREET MOON-LISA: Now, what was it... hm... (to youma) Youma!
Aii to seiki no! Seira fuuku no biishoojou sennji...Seiramyuun! Suki
ni...ni...ni neimu...ochi ooki o!! (turns to Venus) How was that, Sailor Venus?
CUT TO: THE WALL ARTEMIS: And I thought teaching English to Japanese
kids was hard... CUT TO: THE STREET MERC-ALLISON: SHABON SPRAYY! The youma is zapped from 4
directions. It stands there, stunned. YOUMA : Not fair... it was only supposed to be
Moon and Venus in this episode... CUT TO: REPETITIVE MOON WAND ATTACK MOON-LISA: MOOON HEALINGGU ESCALATION! CUT TO: STREET YOUMA : Refresh! LISA (voiceover): Things continued in this very
silly manner for a while... CUT TO: EIGHTH GRADE CLASSROOM - ANOTHER
DAY PRINCIPAL (OS): I have a small announcement to make...
students are not to leave the school grounds for the time being, a blue skinned
woman wearing oysters is turning people into wax statues. Thank you. Laura and Minako lean toward each
other across the aisle. LAURA: This sounds like a job for the Sailor
Soldiers! They nod at each other, and sneak
out of class. CUT TO: SECOND GRADE CLASSROOM - ANOTHER
DAY SKINNER (OS): I have a small announcement to make...
students are not to leave the school grounds for the time being, a monster has
possessed my mother and turned her into a murderous wrinkle-demon that is
stealing youth. Lisa and Allison lean toward each
other across the aisle between the desks. LISA: This sounds like a job for the Sailor
Soldiers! Lisa and Allison nod at each other,
and sneak out of class. CUT TO: FOURTH GRADE CLASSROOM - ANOTHER
DAY SKINNER (OS): I have a small announcement to make...
students are not to leave the school grounds for the time being, a 50-storey
high bio-mechanical monster is besieging the city. LISA (voiceover): And so it continued until one
fateful day... EXT: STREET - DAY MARS-JESSICA: So where is this portal to the She presses a few buttons, and the
computer makes a loud BEEPING sound. Merc-Allison points down the street. MERC-ALLISON: That way! CUT TO: KWIK-E-MART CAR PARK APU: Hm, it is strange, but the dumpster is
usually full by Wednesday. Oh well. If I may save on garbage removal, then I am
not going to complain. He heads back inside. Pan over to
see the girls watching from around a corner. MOON-LISA: You have got to be kidding me. They walk over and peer into the
dumpster. A CGI-EFFECT (portal to the MARS-JESSICA: Okay, I am not getting in there. She climbs into the dumpster. There
is a flash of black light and a spooky wail. MARS-JESSICA: I don't care. I'm not going in. Jup-Laura throws her into the
dumpster. MARS-JESSICA: Waagh! CUT TO: UNDERGROUND CAVERN MARS-JESSICA: Ow... those jerks... (getting up) I wonder
where Sailor Venus is... She looks up. A large pile of BLACK
TRASH BAGS marked "Kwik-E-Mart" is next to her. After a moment
Venus-Minako pops her head out of the pile. She has a banana peel on her head
and looks annoyed. There are another 5 flashes, and Moon-Lisa, Merc-Allison,
Jup-Laura, Luna and Artemis fall onto the trash pile. They stick their heads
out, covered in trash. Mars-Jessica gapes at the scene for a moment, and then
starts rolling around on the floor laughing. MARS-JESSICA: HA HA HA HA HA, HA HA HA HA HA, HAHA HA HA
HA HA AH HA HA! Serves you right! As she laughs, the others climb out
of the trash. Jup-Laura takes Mars' hand and gives her a small electric shock. JUP-LAURA: Hey, it's not funny, okay! CUT TO: PASSAGEWAY MERC-ALLISON: The They start to run. The tunnel
eventually rises to the surface, revealing... CUT TO: TUNNEL ENTRANCE AT SNOWFIELD JUP-LAURA (rubbing arms): Woah! It's cold! KEARNEYITE teleports in front of the
group. KEARNEYITE: Took you girls long enough, didn't it? I
would like to take you to the Jup-Laura shoots a stream of
electricity at Kearneyite, but he just teleports out of the way. JUP-LAURA: Huh, I can't hit him! KEARNEYITE: He's safe, now. But you... since you won't
help, I will throw you into the Dimension of Random Time! The sailors and cats look confused. VENUS-MINAKO: The Dimension of Random Time? The sailors and cats looks confused
again. MOON-LISA: But that's a terrible idea for you! Think of
all the good we could do if we went back in time! He puts his hands together and
throws a huge mass of energy at the girls. Venus-Minako and Jup-Laura try to
shield the younger ones, but they all get caught up and dragged in. Moon-Lisa
drops the moon wand. (which has the Ginzoushou attached) Kearneyite tries to
grab it, but the wand spins by itself and smacks it's handle against the back
of his hand. The wand follows the girls into the Dimension of Random Time. CUT TO: WEIRDO SPACE CUT TO: LAB - THE FAR FUTURE MOON-LISA: Great... where are we? She stands, and comes face to face
with GOKU, a constipated looking man with black hair. Or rather, it's Goku's
head in a glass jar full of liquid, on the table. MOON-LISA: Aaaagh! What the heck are you? Pan over to a nearby console, where
FRY, LEELA and PROF FARNSWORTH stand facing away from the girls. PROF : Okay, now to try this time machine out.
How about we send Goku here to the moon a few thousand years ago? Fry turns, and sees the sailors. FRY : Hey Professor, should there be little
girls in the test area? He hits the button. The soldiers,
cats and Goku's head disappear. Prof turns and looks at the test area. PROF : There's nothing there now which means
there never were any girls. Report to Zoidberg for brain medicine Fry. EXT: THE MOON IN THE DISTANT PAST
- NIGHT MERC-ALLISON: Now where are we? Artemis and Luna wander away,
looking around. The soldiers follow them, a little awed. Goku watches them go
as they leave him where he is. GOKU : Hey, could someone pick me up and bring me
along? Hey! (shout) Hello! Don't ignore me you jerks! Come back! Okay, that
does it, I'm going Super-Saiyin! You'll regret this! Goku's hair turns yellow. Nothing
else happens. GOKU : Aw crap. (calls) Hello? Anyone out there?
Little help? CUT TO: RUINED FLOWER FIELD MOON-LISA: Luna, what happened here? Suddenly the Ginzoushou shines
brightly, and the palace appears to rebuild itself. The field fills itself with
flowers under their feet. Daylight breaks, brightly lighting the whole scene. MARS-JESSICA: What the... The palace is clearly seen. It has a
very Russian design to it, with lots of domes and so on. LUNA: The palace... Artemis flips out. ARTEMIS: THE PRINCESS! CUT TO: THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FIELD CUT TO: LUNA'S SIDE LUNA: PRINCESS SERENITY! Luna starts running over to
Serenity. CUT TO: SERENITY'S SIDE OF THE FIELD LUNA (distraught): PRINCESS SERENITY! The rest of the girls and Artemis
catch up with Luna. MOON-LISA: What was that about? The Ginzoushou flashes again and
night falls. Lights come on in the palace, reflecting off of the huge lake in
front of it. Fireworks start to go off in the sky above the palace. ARTEMIS: It seems the Ginzoushou wants to tell the
story... come on. He turns to the castle, and they all
set off towards it. CUT TO: PALACE BALLROOM LUNA (voiceover): They were a race of immortal
beings who were born on the Moon... CUT TO: CORRIDOR MARS-JESSICA: Look! Two ghostly figures are approaching
them - SAILOR GHOST-MARS and SAILOR GHOST-JUPITER. Ghost-Mars resembles
Mars-Jessica but is about 14. Ghost-Jupiter resembles Jup-Laura and is the same
age, but has slightly different facial features. They walk toward the group,
speaking soundlessly, and walk straight past them before disappearing. MARS-JESSICA: Who the heck was that, and why was she
dressed as Sailor Mars? I'M Sailor Mars! Artemis frowns, slightly worried.
They continue down the corridor. As they pass an archway heading outside, they
look outside and everyone gasps again. ARTEMIS: Of course! Her! CUT TO: UPPER LEVEL CORRIDOR LUNA: Are you sure you have not seen a girl who
looks like Serenity before? As they talk, another ghostly figure
passes by them. It's SAILOR GHOST-MERCURY. She looks very little like Allison -
she has short blue hair, and is also about 14. Ghost-Mercury heads further
along the corridor, and turns left into a room. MERC-ALLISON: Who on earth was that? Why was she dressed
like me? Merc-Allison gives chase to the door
that Ghost-Mercury entered. She freezes as she sees what's inside. MERC-ALLISON: Lisa?!? Moon-Lisa and Luna run up to the
door and look inside. LUNA: Of course! Her! CUT TO: VIEW INTO THE ROOM MOON-LISA: It's... it's me! Ghost-Mercury appears. She sits down
at the table across from the Lisa-ish ghost. GHOST-MERCURY: How are you doing, Princess Leitha? She hands a piece of paper to
Ghost-Mercury, who reads it. GHOST-MERCURY: Very good, I'm impressed. You nearly got it
all right. Ghost Mercury fades away, and Leitha
resumes her reading. LUNA: I had forgotten about this girl... Princess
Leitha... Dream-blur out. CUT TO: MOON KINGDOM THRONE ROOM - FLASHBACK LUNA: But when they died, they left behind a
problem... The double doors at the end of the
room open, and a General enters. He leads a small girl along beside him - it's
a super-cute TODDLER LEITHA. She looks a little scared and apprehensive, and
clutches a teddy bear. LUNA (cont): their now orphaned daughter, Leitha.
Leitha is lead up to the throne, and
made to stand before the Queen. The Queen gets up from her throne and picks up
the girl, hugging her. LUNA (cont): To honor Leitha's parents, Queen
Serenity adopted Leitha, and gave her a portion of her power. The Queen passes the palm of her
hand over Leitha's forehead. A crescent-moon mark appears on it. The crowd
cheers, and Leitha looks around, smiling though she's not sure what's happened.
CUT TO: CASTLE COURTYARD ARTEMIS (continuing from Luna): Leitha would be
allowed to be a Sailor Soldier. A ghostly Princess Leitha and
ghostly SAILOR VENUS step into the foreground, on the grass. Unlike the others,
this Ghost-Venus is completely identical to Venus-Minako. Leitha is 8 again,
and wears a "trainee" Sailor Soldier uniform, that is all white but
has no bows or scarf. They both have swords - they salute each other with them,
and then start to practice. Ghost-Venus seems to be taking it lightly, almost
humoring Leitha, but Leitha is taking it very seriously and trying hard. VENUS-MINAKO - I... I remember this now. Leitha was
always so enthusiastic and tried very hard to be a good Sailor Soldier - when
she discovered that we were allowed to use swords, she begged me to show her
how. (giggle) Which is strange, because I don't think I know how to swordfight!
CUT TO: BALCONY LUNA (gasp): Princess Serenity! Serenity looks down over the
balcony. A ghostly PRINCE ENDYMION of Earth stands on a path in the gardens. He
is the armored man who approached Serenity in the field of flowers, and he
looks a lot like Mamoru. SERENITY: Prince Endymion! He climbs up to the balcony, and
stands beside Serenity. ENDYMION: Beryl is using the power of a creature
called Metallica - she will use this power to attack very soon. If we do not
act the Moon will be destroyed - we must crush Beryl's ambition as soon as
possible. I need your help, Princess Serenity. They get closer to each other, and
kiss. Moon-Lisa almost turns green, and glares at Serenity. MERC-ALLISON (sly): Are you jealous? The Ginzoushou glows again. The
ghosts of Serenity and Endymion fade away. Camera pans up to show a tower. CUT TO: INSIDE THE TOWER MARS-JESSICA: Now who's this? She looks a lot like
Allison. The door opens behind them, and the
ghost of PRINCESS JACINTHA is pushed though by Ghost-Mars. Surprise! She looks
just like Jessica. GHOST-MARS: Now Jacintha, play nice with the girls
while we go to the masquerade ball, okay? Ghost-Mars closes the door behind
her, and Jacintha glares at Leitha and Alyssa. LEITHA: Hi Jacintha. Jacintha folder her arms, and glares
at Leitha. JACINTHA: Great. I'm stuck here with the commoner,
(glares at Alyssa) and the nerd. The other two princesses glare at
Jacintha. Then all three of the ghosts disappear. Jup-Laura looks stunned. JUP-LAURA: Wow, you were really snobby in your past
life, Mars. CUT TO: THE BALLROOM ARTEMIS: There you are. We were wondering where you
had got to. Almost on cue, the Ginzoushou
flashes once again, and the music resumes as the dancing ghosts reappear. In
addition, the ghosts of Jacintha, Leitha and Alyssa run past, and peer over the
balcony rail. MOON-LISA: What the? All of the soldiers and cats follow
the ghosts to where they stand, and listen in to the conversation. LEITHA: I don't know if we should be down here,
Jacintha. Jacintha looks horrified. JACINTHA: Uh, you do realize that's not a Prince... no
never mind. I don't want to be the one to explain it. Everyone, ghosts and living
included, turns to see PRINCESS LEORA approaching them. This one resembles
Laura. MARS-JESSICA: This... this one is you, Jupiter! She looks down at Ghost-Jupiter, who
is surrounded by several men trying to chat her up, and sighs again. LEORA: If I had just been born 20 minutes earlier,
I would be the one wearing that Sailor Jupiter uniform. But she gets all the
attention just because she came out first. Moon-Lisa, Merc-Allison,
Mars-Jessica and Jup-Laura watch the scene, entranced. MOON-LISA/MERC-ALLISON/MARS-JESSICA/JUP-LAURA (chorus): Yeah... Venus-Minako stands off to the side,
with Luna and Artemis. VENUS-MINAKO (confused): I don't understand... what does
this mean? A door at the end of the ballroom
opens, and GHOST-LUNA and GHOST-ARTEMIS enter, running though the crowd to the
Queen. GHOST-LUNA: We have a dire emergency! Up on the balcony, Artemis bangs his
head against a pillar. ARTEMIS: My chance to shine, and I fluff my line...
D'oh! All of the ghosts panic. Queen
Serenity tries to retain some order but it's too late. Ghost-Mercury, Mars,
Jupiter and Venus gather together. GHOST-VENUS: Where's Princess Serenity? Up on the balcony, Leitha runs over
to a window behind her and looks out. LEITHA (horrified): Oh no! CUT TO: OUTSIDE THE PALACE CUT TO: SHOT OF THE PALACE CUT TO: THE DANCEFLOOR CUT TO: BALLROOM BALCONY CUT TO: OUTSIDE WALLS MOON-LISA (distraught): Luna! What happened to us!
What happened to Leitha? Tell me, because I don't remember that, and I need to
know! The Ginzoushou flashes once again.
PRINCESS SERENITY, PRINCE ENDYMION and QUEEN BERYL appear - Serenity and
Endymion stand on the wall, with Endymion in front of Serenity, while Beryl
floats in the middle of the updraft. (note to the confused, like me : despite
her title, Queen Beryl is not Prince Endymion's mother) ARTEMIS: Princess Serenity! Beryl rears back and casts a spell.
A huge pillar of green lightning appears, smashing it's way over the palace. It
passes over Serenity and Endymion - he tries to shield her from it, and for his
efforts he is dragged away and into the updraft. SERENITY: ENDYMION! ENDYMION! He fights it, but the updraft pulls
Endymion further out beyond the palace wall. Serenity runs after him. ENDYMION: Serenity, no! She leaps out after him, into the
updraft. The two manage to drift toward each other, but just as they are about
to touch hands, a bolt of energy strikes them both. Both die instantly. LUNA: PRINCESS SERENITY! The Ginzoushou flashes, and
Serenity, Endymion and Beryl fade away. Everyone left is emotionally exhausted.
LUNA: Queen Serenity was the only survivor of the
attack, but she didn't last long. She used the Ginzoushou's power to seal away
the The Ginzoushou flashes one last
time. All the girls and cats disappear. CUT TO: DIMENSION OF RANDOM TIME EXT: BEHIND KWIK-E-MART - DAY MERC-ALLISON: We're back... Closeup of Luna. She seems a little
aggravated. LUNA: After the death of the queen, Artemis and I
set about trying to find the reincarnated Princesses. We desperately needed
Princess Serenity and her friends the Sailor Soldiers, because they were the
only ones who could defeat Beryl. She walks over to a discarded cola
can on the ground. LUNA: We went our separate ways. I tried looking
for Queen Serenity's power signature, knowing that the Princess would share it.
I eventually found a very faint trace of it in Lisa... but I had forgotten
about Leitha. Luna seems to tense up, and glares
at the can. LUNA: In short... we were so close this time...
but once again I have the WRONG (bleeped) GIRLS! She yowls in anger, and kicks the can.
It goes flying into a wall, rebounds off, and almost hits Moon-Lisa. All of the
soldiers yell in surprise. While they were previously a little bewildered, now
they're completely confused by this unusual change in Luna's attitude. MOON-LISA (confused): The wrong girls? What do you
mean we're the wrong girls? Artemis looks horrified. ARTEMIS (teary-eyed): You promised you'd never mention
ma Joanie Marine again! He runs off, crying to himself.
Moon-Lisa turns back to Luna. MOON-LISA: But Luna... we can do this! We don't need
the Princess... The girls gasp as Luna's hackles
rise, and the Moon on her forehead glows. Moon, Mercury, Mars and Jupiter
suddenly de-transform back into LISA, ALLISON, JESSICA and LAURA. The reason
becomes clear - Luna is somehow summoning their pens and the brooch back to
her, along with the communicators and Mercury's computer! They float over to
Luna and land on the ground in front of her. ALLISON: Hey! Luna runs, taking the pens and
brooch with her. Lisa yells after her. LISA: Come back! HEY! LUNA! COME BACK! (pause,
gets angry) ALRIGHT! OKAY! FINE! GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE! I never wanted to do
this anyway! It's stupid! It makes no rational sense! I'm just a kid! All our
enemies were idiots! It was INCREDIBLY embarrassing wearing that thing anyway!
Make some other girl save the world! I always hated it! And (scream) I HATE
YOU, LUNA! ALLISON (OS): Lisa... Lisa turns, to glare at Allison,
Jessica and Laura. They look very concerned and shocked. VENUS-MINAKO (OS): Lisa... I'm... Lisa turns to look at Venus-Minako,
who is also concerned and a little bit self-conscious. She sees Venus, still in
the Sailor uniform, and for a second imagines herself in Venus' place, wearing
the Moon uniform. LISA (sad): But... I was enjoying it... it was
weird, but we had fun... we were going to... Lisa's eyes fill with tears, she
sniffs, and she runs off for home, crying to herself. LAURA: No... leave her for now... CUT TO: OUTSIDE SIMPSONS HOUSE CUT TO: LISA'S ROOM LISA: Luna you... traitor! (bitter) Well... I
don't care anymore! I have more important things to do! She gets up and walks over to her
desk. LISA: I need to get back into studying more.
(sarcastic) "Saving the world" was eating into my time too much. She picks up a book, and as she does
so a picture on her desk catches her eye. It's a group pic of her, Allison,
Jessica, Laura, Minako, Luna and Artemis. She frowns and places it flat on the
desk. Also, Jessica's signed Sailor V manga is on her desk - Lisa picks it up,
and shoves it onto a shelf carelessly. LISA: I don't have any time for that, now. CUT TO: MINAKO'S APARTMENT MINAKO: <But...
I don't understand, Artemis. Why did Luna get so angry at the girls, and you?
It wasn't fair on them...> Minako leans on the table, deep in
thought. CUT TO: MINAKO'S ROOM MIX TO : LUNA'S DREAM MOON-LISA: What do you mean... The image disappears, and is
replaced by an image of 3 other sailors - MOON-PEPPERMINT PATTY, MERC-MARCIE,
and MARS-LUCY. MERC-MARCIE (cont): ... we're not the right girls, sir? The image disappears, and is
replaced by one of MOON-BRITTANY, MERC-DARIA and MARS-JANE. MARS-JANE : You are *so* dead... The image disappears, and is
replaced by MOON-WENDY, MERC-BÉBÉ, and MARS-SHELLY. MOON-WENDY (cont): ... you &*^%ing bi%$h! The image disappears. LISA (OS, screams, echo): I HATE YOU, LUNA! Luna almost trips as she runs, but
continues. She appears to be crying. As she continues a cacophony of voices
start shouting, each saying a variation on "I HATE YOU, LUNA!" MIX TO : MINAKO'S ROOM LUNA: I'm sorry... sorry... The shadow grabs the equipment, and
sneaks out of the door. CUT TO: LISA'S ROOM LISA (struggling): "A-ta-shi... wa..."
oh great, katakana, I think that'll be "Sailor Venus" though...
"wa... yo..." oh, now I know how Ralph feels... agh, this is no good!
I'm just torturing myself now! (slams the manga shut) I need to STUDY! Lisa puts the manga down, and throws
open her textbook. As she does so a piece of paper comes out from between the
pages, and lands on the floor. She bends down to see what it is. LISA: Oh... I haven't seen this in a while... She puts the piece of paper on her
desk, and idly writes a few things on it. Then she sits and looks at it for
just a little while, until there is a knock on her door. JESSICA (OS): Uh, Lisa? Can we come in? Lisa gets up, and walks over to the
door and opens it. ALLISON, JESSICA, LAURA and MINAKO are in the corridor. Lisa
frowns at Minako. LISA: Sorry... I don't feel like talking much
now... what do you want? Minako holds out a hand - she has
Lisa's brooch. Lisa looks at it, and then at her friends. Each of them holds a
transformation pen, and Allison has her computer. But Lisa frowns, and heads
back into her room without taking the brooch. LISA: No thanks. I don't want it. They follow Lisa into her room, and
Jessica closes the door. ALLISON: Why not? Jessica wanders over to Lisa's desk.
LISA: When? Pan over to Jessica. She is sitting
on Lisa's desk, reading the manga. JESSICA: Yet the first you did when you came home was
read my Sailor V manga? Lisa looks around for an excuse. LISA: But, I don't even know if I'm really cut out
to be a Sailor Soldier. The other four girls approach Lisa,
getting in her face and making her back into a corner. JESSICA: Do you believe in beauty? She grabs an issue of "Non
Threatening Boys" from Lisa's shelf. Corey is on the cover. MINAKO: A crush is love that wishes for a response
but deep down does not expect anything in return, it is part of how you learn
to love for real! Lisa smiles all around her, slightly
shy and embarrassed. She walks over to her desk. Jessica gets out the way. Lisa
looks at the piece of paper. LISA: I don't think I'm really Sailor Moon. And I
wouldn't ever call myself "Leitha." (she writes something on the
paper, then turns to the others) But I'll do it! We've got to! Allison, Jessica, Laura and Minako
smile. ALLISON: The They run out of the room. Camera
glide over to the paper. It reads the following... I'm not Sailor Moon... I am not "Leitha!" YOU ARE LISA SIMPSON and she doesn't run away. She
never has. MINAKO: It's time... a
The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover "PRETTY
SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON" by
Steven Scott / GKScotty /
Steveite from
an idea by Rich Wilson /
Cuteswan Images
drawn by Marco Berzacola unless
otherwise noted. Pan over to some trees - ALLISON
walks out from behind them, followed by BART, MILHOUSE, BIYOMON, AGUMON and
GOMAMON. Biyomon is a small pink bird, about a foot or two tall. Agumon is a
small dinosaur. Gomamon resembles a white seal with blue markings. Bart wears a
pair of goggles. Allison has a wool hat on with two long ties hanging down by
her ears. BART: But why won't you say where you're going,
Allison? We still have to find the eighth child, you know! She walks away from them, and heads
over at Lisa's group. Everyone is glaring at her. LISA (lecturing, arms crossed): Allison... have
you been moonlighting as a Digi-Destined? Allison gets embarrassed and puts
her hand up behind her head. She touches her hat, remembers that she's wearing
it, and quickly takes it off her head and hides it behind her back. ALLISON: Well... things just seemed to happen... you
know? (awkward laugh) Everyone looks depressed for a
moment. MINAKO (determined): It's not a good idea to talk
like that. They all turn to look behind the
bench. ARTEMIS looks up at them. ALL : Artemis! CUT TO: LUNA'S DREAM VOICES : I HATE YOU, LUNA! (repeated over and
over.) The voices stop suddenly however as
a shadow falls over Luna. She stops, looks up and sees PRINCESS SERENITY
standing over her, looking kind as usual. LUNA (relief): Princess Serenity! At last! Serenity frowns, and glares at Luna.
SERENITY (coldly): I hate you, Luna. CUT TO: MINAKO'S BEDROOM LUNA (panicked): A dream... it was just a
dream... The princess isn't mad at me. I'll find her, she'll defeat the She looks at where the brooch and
pens should be. They aren't there. LUNA (shocked): The brooch! The pens! But...
but... where are they? Luna dashes around the room,
searching under the bed, behind lamps, in the wardrobe, and so on. LUNA: No, they're missing... (thinks, horrified)
Minako! Artemis! (spoken) On no! She jumps up to the bed, then to the
window ledge, and then out the window. CUT TO: THE PARK ARTEMIS: You won't be able to use the portal in the
dumpster, I'm sure the Lisa, Allison, Jessica and Laura
look confused. MINAKO: That means "Everyone! Transform!" CUT TO: BLUE BUBBLY STARFIELD A closeup of Allison's hand, holding
the pen. ALLISON: MERCURI POWA, MAKE UP! The Mercury symbol on the pen glows
and shoots toward the screen. Allison moves into the background so we can see
all of her. (and yes she's still clothed and not glowing) She TWIRLS and WAVES
the pen around her - water comes out of the top of the pen, and sticks to her.
Once she's completely covered by water she faces away from the camera and poses
with her arms in front of her. The water bursts away from her in many tiny
bubbles and she's wearing the Sailor Mercury uniform. She starts to turn -
camera zooms in for a closeup of her face as she does so, and then zooms back
out as she faces the camera and POSES - legs apart, right hand giving the V
(victory) sign. CUT TO: RED BUBBLY STARFIELD JESSICA: MARSU POWA, MAKE UP! Like Allison's, the Mars symbol on
the pen spins and shoots toward the camera, before Jessica moves into the
background so we can see more. She spins and holds the pen above her - flames
fall down from the pen that eventually cover all of her. Closeup of her feet -
the flames burn out so show a pair of high-heels and the camera quickly moves
up her to show she's now dressed as Sailor Mars. It stops at her face and pans
back as she POSES - legs apart, left hand on hip, right hand's index finger
pointing up in a "you don't wanna do that" kind of pose. CUT TO: YELLOW BUBBLY STARFIELD MINAKO: VENUSU POWA, MAKE UP! Minako goes though her usual
transformation, except this time she's decided to remain clothed and
non-glowing. She SPINS and WAVES the pen around her - the top of the pen leaves
a trail of stars where it goes. She then POSES, holding the pen over her head.
A ribbon of stars twirls down around her, clinging to her body and clothes as
they fall. CUT TO: BLACK BACKGROUND LISA: MOOON PRISIMU POWA, MAKE UP! Sparkles come along and paint Lisa's
fingernails for her. How nice. CUT TO: PARK MOON-LISA: Come on Laura, what are you waiting for? Laura laughs to herself. CUT TO: GREEN BUBBLY STARFIELD LAURA: JUPITA POWA, MAKE UP! The Jupiter symbol on it spins off
toward the camera. Laura holds the pen above her - she's spinning, glowing and
naked. Lightning comes from the top of the pen and crackles all around her.
Eventually there is a huge explosion of electricity. We get a closeup of Laura,
panning from her boots to her face - she's now dressed as Sailor Jupiter. Once
the camera reaches her face it zooms out again and she POSES in a martial arts
stance. CUT TO: PARK MOON-LISA: Laura! CUT TO: BUSHES MILHOUSE (awed): Bart, truly, these are the days of
our lives. A trickle of blood runs from each
boy's nose. CUT TO: PARK MOON-LISA: I'm not comfortable with this. Lisa smiles, and turns to Artemis. LISA: We're ready then. CUT TO: PARK A LITTLE LATER ARTEMIS: You will use the Sailor Teleport to get to
the North Pole. You must combine everyone's power to get there! You must
concentrate... if you're not careful, you could fly right through a star or
bounce too close to a supernova, and that'd end your trip real quick! The clouds in the sky part,
revealing the moon from behind them. ARTEMIS: SERA TEREPORT! A wind starts to blow in the circle,
whipping everyone's hair and clothing about. A ring of energy flashes around
them - large chunks of concrete and turf break away from the pavement and grass
and rise into the air. The bench is caught in the energy and pulverized. And
the girls fade away. ARTEMIS: Good luck, everyone... Artemis turns to see LUNA charging
toward him. She dives at him, and he dodges out of the way. Luna lands badly
and rolls along the ground for a few feet. She looks up at Artemis. LUNA: You fool! What do you think will happen when
they go up against Beryl? Lisa will... she will... Luna just looks at Artemis, unsure
about what to do. EXT: SNOWFIELD AT THE NORTH POLE
- LATER LISA: It's c-c-c-cold! Pull camera back a little to show
LAURA and ALLISON, who don't seem too bothered by the cold. Allison is working
on her computer and has her visor down. LAURA: I thought it was Minako's. Allison rolls here eyes. ALLISON: Then we'd better get going - I'll try to
find the co-ordinates of the Laura looks over, spotting a
crystalline tower rising in the distance. SUPERMAN is seen flying into it. LAURA: Hey, I think that's it! Whip pan over to a small village of
red, gold and green. Elves mill around, feeding reindeers and cleaning a huge
sleigh. ALLISON: That may be evil, but I don't think it's the
right one. (looks at computer screen.) That's it (points) over there! Pan over to show a huge crater - a
dull purple light comes from the center of the crater, and black smoke rises
out of it. LISA: Alright! Lets get going then! (achoo!) They start walking toward the
crater. CUT TO: DARK KINGDOM THRONE ROOM. BERYL: Queen Metallica is nearly awake! We can't
let these girls interfere with that. Kearneyite looks disappointed. Beryl
calls out to the crowd of youmas - there aren't many left. BERYL: If there is anyone who wishes to defeat the
Sailor Soldiers, step forward now. VOICE (female, OS): We will. We are the DD girls! Five youmas step forward. They're
all very scantily clad and have similar "wing shaped" headdresses. CUT TO: SNOWFIELD LAURA: Wow, those youmas are wearing even less than
we are! CUT TO: DARK KINGDOM THRONE ROOM BERYL: Well that was a giant bust. (to youmas) Is
there anyone who won't freeze to death who'd like to kill the Sailor Soldiers? VOICE (female, OS): We will! Five youmas step forward. They have
similar headdresses to the DD girls, but wear more practical t-shirts and
jeans. CHRIS: We are the SFWC girls! CUT TO: SNOWFIELD ALLISON: I'm getting a huge energy reading up ahead! The snowstorm suddenly stops. JESSICA: Huh? What the? Everyone falls into a ready pose.
Lisa looks around, and spots something on the horizon. TUXEDO KAMEN appears -
he's hanging from something by his wrists. His clothes are ragged and he looks
pretty beaten, only half-conscious. KAMEN (weakly): Help me... Sailor Moon... Lisa starts to run forward. But
Jessica garbs her scarf, pulling her back. JESSICA: Don't be stupid! Allison uses her computer. Her visor
shows an image of CHRIS. ALLISON: He's an illusion created by a youma. The illusion of TUXEDO KAMEN fades
away, to be replaced by one of BART. JESSICA: SOU... huh? Bart? Jessica is distracted, and the
youmas take advantage - the ice underneath her breaks as dozens of black coil
tentacles rip out of the ground and wrap themselves around her arms and legs.
She is lifted into the air by 5 pillars of coils. LISA: Jessica! CHRIS, SHEANA, JENNY, MEL and FIONA
break out from under the ice. They hold the ends of the coils, holding Jessica
at a distance. Lisa goes for her tiara. LISA: MOOON TIARA... The five SFWC girls move in close to
Laura. ALLISON: Don't shoot! They're too close to her! The youmas start to electrocute
Jessica. She screams. LISA: JESSICA! Jessica's arms are pinned to her
side, so when flames come out of Jessica's hands, they become a sphere of fire
centered around her. The sphere stays still for a moment, before it rapidly
explodes outwards! Chris, Jenny, Mel and Fiona manage to get away. Sheana is instantly
incinerated. The explosion knocks the other sailors to their knees, and they
have to shield themselves against the blast. The blast dies down. Lisa looks
up... there is a crater where the huge fireball had been, but a single pillar
of ice stands in the center. The pillar is covered in spikes. LISA: JESSICA! They all scramble to their feet and
run over to the pillar. Lisa starts trying to climb up to Jessica LISA: Hang on Jessica, we'll get you out of there!
Shot of Lisa's disbelieving face.
She gasps and starts to cry. JESSICA: I didn't like you because you're a
do-gooder, and I always did bad... but you do that well, Lisa... go do good
now... Her eyes close, and she goes limp. LISA: JESSICA! NO! DON'T DIE! JESSICA! FADE
OUT THE PILLAR,
SOMETIME LATER MINAKO: Lisa... we need to go, they'll be back soon.
The ground under Lisa starts to glow
red. Minako looks at her in alarm. LISA (oblivious): But... I don't like the way
this is going... a
The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover "PRETTY
SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON" by
Steven Scott / GKScotty /
Steveite from
an idea by Rich Wilson /
Cuteswan Images
drawn by Marco Berzacola unless
otherwise noted. Minako charges at Lisa, and pushes
her out of the way - as she does so a huge mass of coils bursts out of the ground
and wraps itself around Minako. MINAKO (panicking): Waaa~!! Tsu, tsumakaeta yo!
Tasukete!! The coils start electrocuting her.
She screams in pain. LISA/LAURA/ALLISON: Minako! She's interrupted by Laura picking
up Lisa and bundling her over her shoulder. Laura also grabs Allison and tucks
her under one arm, then she RUNS! CUT TO: UNDER THE ICE CHRIS: We've got you now, you little brat! I've
wanted to do this for a while, ever since that day in She shocks Minako even harder.
Minako screams louder, and then seems to get a little composition despite the
pain. She holds up her index finger and presses it against Chris' forehead. MINAKO: CRESCENTO... The attack completely obliterates
Chris. The other 3 youmas burst away. CUT TO: SNOWFIELD CUT TO: SOME DISTANCE AWAY LISA: Put me down, Laura! Minako's... She kicks again, and Laura drops
her. Lisa rolls on the snow, and gets up. LISA: MINAKO! Lisa looks at the ground. LISA: You're... you're right. We'd better go. MONTAGE Lisa holds Allison's hand and talks
to her. CUT TO: ALLISON ALLISON: Okay. Let's do this. She touches her earring, and the
visor lowers. CUT TO: VISOR VIEW CUT TO: SNOWFIELD ALLISON: You think you're ganging up on the small,
weak defenseless one? If you mistake a lack of raw power for weakness, you're
in for a shock. She hits the ENTER key on her
keyboard. Closeup of the screen - a window opens, and the following scrolls
though it. RT5611
DETECT CUT TO: CLOSEUP OF SFWC GIRLS CUT TO: ALLISON ALLISON (whisper): It's working... the program's
working... The computer and Allison float into
the air. Even Allison seems a little shocked. A transparent red forcefield
sphere appears around her. It's about 10 feet in diameter, and seems to be made
up of hundreds of overlapping red squares. CUT TO: CLOSEUP OF SFWC GIRLS CUT TO: INSIDE FORCEFIELD ALLISON: I can't believe it's really working. She points directly to about a dozen
points on the surface of the shield. Beams of light shoot from the computer to
where she points on the forcefield, and a metal frame builds itself on the
inside of the field. Blue gun emplacements appear where Allison pointed - they
start out wire-frame, before they are filled in and become solid. ALLISON (to computer): Target this one! Ready...
SHABON SPRAYY! She fires the water into the top gun
emplacement, which condenses the water into a thick arrow of ice and fires it
at Mel. It hits, and Mel falls to the ground, crashing somewhere in the
distance. ALLISON (excited): Now, target the remaining two! She looks up and gasps. Fiona and
Jenny are already charging her! They fire fireballs and lightning bolts, but Allison
holds out the palms of her hands. The shield intensifies where she points her
arms to, and deflects the attacks. ALLISON: Yes! Fiona and Jenny fly past Allison.
She turns to face them, and as she turns so does the entire frame she's
floating inside. ALLISON: SHABON SPRAYY! She fires the water at ALL of the
cannons - they suck it in and simultaneously fire a dozen ice arrows at the two
youmas. Sheana and Jenny try to flee from them but the ice arrows act like
homing missiles, following them around. CUT TO: FURTHER AWAY LISA: Wow... wasn't she the one who was always
complaining about not being powerful enough? Laura drags Lisa over the hill. CUT TO: BACK AT THE JENNY: Did you notice, behind her? Jenny flies in front of Allison,
swooping around and trying to be a nuisance. Allison points at her. ALLISON: Computer, target that youma... As Allison is talking, Fiona swoops
down directly behind her. There is a weak point in Allison's forcefield
directly behind her. Fiona squeezes though it, wraps some coils around Allison
and starts electrocuting her! Allison screams loudly, and her forcefield drops
- Jenny takes the chance, charges up next to Allison and starts electrocuting
her too! ALLISON: AAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE! Despite the pain, Allison manages to
look at Fiona, and gives her a WICKED GRIN. ALLISON: You've fallen into my trap... The forcefield comes back on, this
time with no weak points. Fiona and Jenny look around, confused, but Allison
just looks down. The two youmas follow her gaze... to see the REAL ALLISON rise
up from under the snow, holding her computer. REAL-ALLISON: I hope you enjoyed electrocuting that
illusion my computer made! The illusionary Allison wavers, and
fades away into static. ALLISON: I warned you that you weren't the only ones
using illusions! She sticks her tongue out at them
and gives them the V (victory) sign. ALLISON (typing): Computer! Target the two youmas
inside the forcefield! The guns on the forcefield turn to
point inside it. FIONA: Oh no... The two youmas start flying into the
forcefield, trying to find a way out, but they keep bouncing off. ALLISON: SHABON SPRAYY! Allison fires a huge burst of fog at
the sphere - it surrounds the sphere, before the gun emplacements start sucking
it in and condensing it into ice. Then, they fire... Allison watches the fog clear from
around the forcefield. A ball of ice is contained within it, with Jenny and
Fiona frozen inside. Allison presses the DELETE key on her keyboard and the
forcefield and framework break down into their individual components and fall
away, dropping the ball of ice to the ground. She jumps for joy. ALLISON (absolutely overjoyed): Who defeated three
youmas? I'll tell you who - the Sailor Soldier whose only power is making FOG,
Sailor Mercury, that's who! (jumps again) WOOHOO! A mass of coils come out of nowhere,
wrapping themselves around Allison. They immediately start shocking her. ALLISON: AAALLAAAAAAAAGHHHHH! What... who... Mel is holding the end of the coils!
She's also holding her side where the ice hit her. MEL: That's it! No more Ms Nice Youma! CUT TO: LISA AND LAURA LISA: Those screams... they mean... CUT TO: ALLISON BIYOMON : Allison, you have to come quick!
ShinleotranceAIBOmechateraskydramon is attacking CUT TO: LISA LISA: But she was even younger than me, Laura. She
was a kid... half your or Minako's age. Laura turns away from Lisa. LAURA: Before we came over to give you your brooch,
Allison mentioned that this was very risky, and it could kill us. Back then we
decided that our only role was to protect you. Minako and I tried to keep
Allison and Jessica from coming, but they insisted even though it was
dangerous. Laura turns to face Lisa. LAURA: Because we all remembered now that the
Sailor Soldiers were the guardians of the Moon Princess. And even if we're not
the right soldiers and you're not the right princess, we all agreed this was
something we had to do... (kneels, so her face is level with Lisa's) Princess. Lisa glares at Laura. LISA: Now you're just being silly... Laura suddenly looks alarmed, and
looks up. Mel is circling above them. LAURA: Wait! They're here! Lisa runs up to Laura. LAURA: Stay behind me, Lisa! She looks up at Mel, who starts to
dive toward Laura. LAURA: SUPREIM... Laura's fists and tiara start to
crackle with electricity, but she never releases it - Mel just dives straight
past Laura and burrows under the ice. LISA: Huh? She's answered when a second later
the ice under Laura rises into a huge hill. Laura balances on the top of the
hill, until the top of the hill opens up like some huge monster's mouth and it
swallows her. LISA: LAURA! She runs up to the hill and starts
trying to dig into it with her hands. CUT TO: INSIDE THE HILL CUT TO: OUTSIDE LISA (shouting): Laura! Lisa looks up, and sees KEARNEYITE
floating in the distance. KEARNEYITE: If it wasn't for you, they'd still be alive,
you know. Shot of Lisa's terrified face. She
imagines Allison, Jessica and Minako standing in front of her. GHOST-ALLISON (disappointed): I can't believe you wasted
all that time I bought you. The ghosts disappear. Kearneyite
walks toward Lisa. KEARNEYITE: And all this trouble for one little plot
device. Lisa puts her hand on the
Ginzoushou. KEARNEYITE: I've told the youma not to kill your friend.
Give me the Ginzoushou, and we'll let both of you live. CUT TO: UNDER THE HILL LAURA: You think you can beat me using lightning?
You've got some guts! Laura throws a punch, smacking Mel
right in the face. She puts her other hand at Mel's throat. LAURA: Let's see how you like your own medicine!
SUPREIM THUNDA! Laura releases a CUT TO: OUTSIDE LISA: What the... Storm clouds gather over the top of
the hill. After a moment a gigantic bolt of lightning strikes the top of the
hill, blowing it up. Lisa cowers and shields her head with her arms as snow and
ice fly past her. When the blast clears, Lisa looks up... Another pillar of ice is there - Mel
is completely frozen into the base of the pillar. Laura is frozen halfway into
the pillar - she can see Lisa and Kearneyite from where she is. Lisa gasps. LISA: Laura... no... Lisa just stares at Laura. LAURA (weakly): get 'im, Lis... She closes her eyes and goes limp.
Lisa can just gasp and gape at her. Lisa looks down at the Ginzoushou in her
hands, then over at Kearneyite. LISA (glaring): Not a chance. She places the Ginzoushou back on
the wand. KEARNEYITE is unimpressed. KEARNEYITE: Alright, you asked for it then. I'll just
take that crystal from you now! He draws his cape around him, and
when he opens it up again he has a blade of red energy in each hand. He throws
one blade at Lisa - she leaps out of the way. KEARNEYITE: Sit still, brat! He throws the second blade, but Lisa
stands her ground this time, holding the Moon Wand up. The Ginzoushou starts to
glow, and as the blade comes near Lisa she hits it with the Moon Wand. KEARNEYITE: My own attack... damnit! He fades away. Lisa falls to her knees,
and looks up at Laura's body. FADE OUT CUT TO: SNOWFIELD, LATER LISA: Jessica... Minako... Allison... Laura... I
didn't mean for this to happen... this has got to be just a dream... a
hallucination caused by a fever. If I call for mom, she'll come wake me... I'll
compare test notes with Allison at school, Jessica will make fun of me, Laura
will stop her... Minako will... aaah... aaah... aaah... achoo! Great. I've got
a cold too. (sniff) Lisa lifts her head, and looks over
her shoulder. Closeup of GHOST-ALLISON and GHOST-MINAKO GHOST-ALLISON: Don't get discouraged, you need to focus! Closeup of GHOST-LAURA and
GHOST-JESSICA GHOST-LAURA: Don't worry. We'll be protecting you. Lisa looks at the four ghosts, and
gets to her feet. LISA: Everyone... (sniff) you're here... They fade away. Lisa looks happy. LISA: Everyone... thank you. I'll do my best! She
turns and runs across the ice toward the crater. Camera follows her for several
seconds, as the crater walls loom up in front of her... EXT: OUTSIDE
CRATER, LATER LISA: Okay, how am I gonna get in here? I guess I
better start climbing... Lisa walks over to a red flag in the
wall, and starts to climb up to another red flag that's on a ledge above her.
Once she gets to the ledge she sits and mashes the Square button until she's
warmed herself up again, and then walks up to another red flag and starts climbing
again. CUT TO: LEDGE LISA: Man, this is hard work... I wish there was
an easier way... Her wish is granted when a ball of
pink energy forms around her. LISA: Huh? WHAT THE? Agh! The ball carries Lisa through the
crater wall. a
The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover "PRETTY
SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON" by
Steven Scott / GKScotty /
Steveite from
an idea by Rich Wilson /
Cuteswan Images
drawn by Marco Berzacola unless
otherwise noted. CUT TO: DARK KINGDOM THRONE ROOM BERYL: Welcome, Sailor Moon. I must congratulate
you on finally getting here. I am Queen Beryl of The Beryl goes red, and her face
twitches. BERYL: IMPUDENCE! The shadows move, illuminating the
part of Beryl that was in darkness. PRINCE ENDYMION (AKA MAMORU and TUXEDO
KAMEN, but right now he's dressed in Endymion's armor) kneels beside Beryl,
kissing her hand. LISA: TUXEDO KAMEN! Endymion stands. ENDYMION: I obey, my queen. He draws his sword, and takes a step
toward Lisa. LISA: Tuxedo Kamen? What are you doing... He leaps, and slashes at her with
the sword. She quickly jumps out of the way, but lands badly and falls over
backwards. LISA (stunned): Tuxedo Kamen... He stabs down at her repeatedly. She
rolls out of the way and tries to rise, pulling out the Moon Wand and spinning
it. LISA: You're... you're brainwashed! That must be
it! Don't worry, Tuxedo Kamen, I'll save you! MOOON HEALINGGU ESCALATION! Lisa holds out the wand, and rays of
light start shooting toward Endymion. But they don't seem to have any effect.
He just stares blankly at Lisa. BERYL (gloating): Dark energy now runs in Prince
Endymion's veins. You will not be able to destroy it, little girl! You may have
the silver crystal, but you will never be able to use it fully! Endymion leaps again. ENDYMION: DIE! She can't get out of the way quickly
enough. Endymion cuts her arm, and Lisa falls over as she tries to dodge. She
lies on the ground. ENDYMION: Sailor Moon... He takes out a black rose. Lisa
looks up at him. ENDYMION (coldly): Die. He throws the rose at her. As it
reaches Lisa it breaks apart into dozens of coils that try to wrap themselves
around her, but Lisa manages to jump out of their way at the last minute and
they grab onto nothing. LISA: I KNOW I can heal you! Ginzoushou, please
help me this time! MOOON HEALINGGU ESCALATION! Lisa shoots her rays toward Endymion
anyway. Shot of Lisa, who seems to be straining herself here. Shot of
Endymion... at first he looks at her as blankly as before, but after a moment
his features soften a little, and his expression changes to a more peaceful
one. ENDYMION (softly): Sailor... Moon... Lisa stops using her attack.
Endymion walks right up to her. LISA (hopeful): Yes? CUT TO: SIMPSONS LIVING ROOM MAGGIE: Suck suuck. CUT TO: THRONE ROOM LISA (struggling): No! Tuxedo Kamen... no!
Please... He shocks her very heavily. Lisa
SCREAMS like a blonde in a 50's alien movie. Several seconds of this pass. BERYL: There is no escape for you, Sailor Moon, and
you cannot overwhelm the Lisa is still screaming. BERYL: That is enough, Endymion. She's starting to
blow my eardrums. He drops Lisa, who crumples into a
heap on the floor. Endymion then kicks her HARD in the stomach, sending her
flying several feet, where she lands near the Moon Wand. The only sound is
Lisa's moans and groans. BERYL: Now, Prince Endymion. You see Sailor Moon's
lovely little head? REMOVE IT! Endymion nods. Lisa tries to stretch
for the Moon Wand, but she can't reach it. BERYL: That will do you no good. Prepare to rejoin
your friends. Lisa has a vision of Allison,
Jessica, Laura and Minako lying dead in the ice. LISA: I promised them... Endymion puts on a pair of
sunglasses, and raises his sword above her. ENDYMION (emotionless): Goodbye, Sailor Moon. Acting almost completely out of
instinct, Lisa flips up and jumps out of the swords way. She places a hand on
Endymion's shoulder (as he goes down and she goes up) and vaults off it,
jumping over his shoulder and behind him. As she does so she reaches for her
forehead with her other hand... A bewildered Endymion tries to turn
and see where she's gone, but all he sees is the Moon Tiara spinning toward him
as Lisa throws it. The tiara smashes into his chest,
and hurts him BADLY. It stays spinning there for several seconds, almost
digging into him, while a surprised-looking Endymion looks down at it. Lisa
looks slightly horrified at what she's just done. Endymion drops to the floor,
seemingly unconscious. The tiara stops spinning and clatters to the ground.
Lisa gasps and rushes over to him, kneeling beside him. LISA: No! I'm meant to be healing him, not trying to
kill him! Whoops... Endymion's eyes jerk open. He makes
a guttural roar, and rises to his feet. He's REALLY PISSED OFF. Lisa kneels in
front of him. ENDYMION: You... Endymion just roars, and raises his
sword. LISA (screaming): For Serenity's sake, STOP! FADE TO BLACK AND FADE BACK IN... ENDYMION (confused): P-princess Serenity... Endymion twitches. ENDYMION: No... I am a Prince of the Endymion twitches again. Lisa smiles
up at him. ENDYMION: But... how... did I... She reaches her palms out to him.
The Ginzoushou is on them. He lowers his sword and looks at it. ENDYMION: After all that... you would give the
Ginzoushou to me? Zoom in close to Lisa's hand as
Endymion reaches out and touches the crystal. A bright light creeps over his
fingertips, and quickly spreads over his entire body. Beryl has to shield her eyes from
the light. BERYL: What the... The light gets so bright that we... FADE TO WHITE CUT TO: MONTAGE CUT TO: THE THRONE ROOM ENDYMION: Sailor Moon... thank you. CUT TO: BERYL BERYL: No! I will not lose Prince Endymion again!
You'll pay for this! She lifts up the crystal, and throws
it directly at them. Endymion looks over his shoulder, and sees it. ENDYMION: Look out! Endymion whips out a rose, and
throws it at the crystal. The rose goes directly through the entire length of
the crystal, splitting it into dozens of much smaller shards. The rose then
continues on to Beryl - the stem sticks in to her, in-between her shoulderblades.
The crystal shards keep flying toward Endymion and Lisa. Endymion throws
himself over Lisa, to shield her from them. Most of the shards fly harmlessly
over them, but a few hit Endymion! CUT TO: CLOSEUP OF LISA AND ENDYMION LISA: Tuxedo Kamen! CUT TO: BERYL BERYL: Why Endymion... why? If you had married me,
you would have been King of the solar system... the universe... Cracks start to spread across her
skin from where the rose has hit her. She falls to her knees. BERYL: You, you... you won't get away with this!
I'll have my revenge, Sailor Moon! She passes through the floor, and
disappears. Lisa gets out from Endymion, who doesn't look too good. He rolls
over and lies on the ground, and she kneels by his head. LISA: Tuxedo Kamen! Are you alright, Tuxedo
Kamen!? She lifts his shoulders, and starts
to drag him along the ground toward the exit. ENDYMION: You need to get out, Sailor Moon... She looks at his face. His eyes have
closed. Lisa drops his shoulders. LISA: Mamoru! Mamoru! Don't give up. Mamoru grins. MAMORU: I wish I could humor you... but I don't
think I'll be around in eight years... He closes his eyes and goes limp. LISA (distraught): Come on, Mamoru! I didn't save
you so that you could die! MAMORU! CUT TO: METALLICA'S CHAMBER BERYL (weak): Queen Metallica... I beg of you...
give me the power, the power to crush that loathsome child, her and her little
dog, too! CUT TO: BART'S ROOM MARGE (OS, shout): Bart! Come take out the trash! He clicks his mouse a few times. CUT TO: METALLICA'S CHAMBER METALLICA : Okay, now I have enough. Metallica's prison breaks, and the
evil mist breaks free. It glows brightly and moves erratically down to Beryl,
who screams as it enters her. CUT TO: THRONE ROOM LISA: Allison... Jessica... Laura... Minako... and
now Mamoru. I won't let you down! You've protected me and got me this far - I'm
going to go do it! Even if it kills me I'll do it. Watch over me... everyone. The room shakes, and stones fall
from the ceiling. Lisa looks about in surprise, and then gets to her feet. She
runs from the cave. CUT TO: SNOWFIELD CUT TO: ABOVE CUT TO: OUTSIDE SIMPSONS HOUSE ARTEMIS (slowly to self): It's the end of the
world... and I feel fine... Luna bites back some tears, and runs
for the edge of the roof. Artemis runs in front of her. ARTEMIS: Woah, Luna! Where are you going? There's an awkward silence. Luna
looks up at the sky. LUNA (shout): Don't do it Lisa! Don't use the
Ginzoushou! You'll die! FADE OUT EXT: SNOWFIELD -
AT THAT MOMENT BERYL: At last... the dark power is within me!
Queen Metallica's power is my own! (spreads arms and laughs) The world is mine!
A quiet moment. A silhouette is seen
in the distance. Beryl looks over her shoulder. BERYL (contempt): So you're finally here. This
time, (raises hands) you will DIE! Black lightning crackles in Beryl's
hands, and she throws it down at Lisa. The lightning hits Lisa dead on. From a
distance we see a huge pillar of ice rise from the spot where Lisa was
standing. Beryl stops throwing her lightning, and a moment later a platform
suddenly appears at the top of the pillar. BERYL: Huh? a
The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover "PRETTY
SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON" by
Steven Scott / GKScotty /
Steveite from
an idea by Rich Wilson /
Cuteswan Images
drawn by Marco Berzacola unless
otherwise noted. Close-up of the platform. PRINCESS
LEITHA stands on it, about 50 feet above the ground, holding the Moon Wand in
front of her. As the name implies, she is dressed in the white dress she wore
in the BERYL: Impossible! Leitha opens her eyes, and looks at
the Moon Wand. LEITHA: I've never felt comfortable with this thing.
She starts to twirl the wand
quickly, passing it from hand to hand and doing all sorts of fancy stuff with
it. She eventually passes it to her right hand and throws it straight up in the
air. LEITHA: Now, this is more like it! Beryl grabs her guitar, and pulls
out a guitar pick decorated with horns and claws. BERYL: So that's the way you want to play it, brat?
Fine! You'll regret it though! The two stare at each other for
several seconds. Bells toll in the background. The words CHARGE briefly appears
on the screen in green letters. (Note to Simpsons fans - a MP3 of
the Japanese Sailor Moon opening theme can be found here.
Warning. It's in Japanese. This might go way over your heads if you havn't
heard this theme 150+ times at the start of each episode. As Beryl plays, a wave of dark
energy shoots out from her guitar! The energy speeds toward Leitha, but she
takes a deep breath and starts to play, playing the first 8 bars of
"Moonlight Densetsu." (backup instruments, drums etc, come in at this
point too. The style of the song is Jazz) As she does so, an equal force comes
from her saxophone, which shields Leitha from the blast. Beryl's evil energy
crackles off Leitha's shield, and the two are deadlocked. Leitha finishes
playing, and sings the first verse.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7a
Part 7b
Part 8a
Part 8b
Extras
GOES AT THE START
OF THE DUB INTRO
GOES HERE
("A long time ago, galaxy's greatest adventure, blah blah blah")
There are just some stars in the picture. As the voiceover continues, various
views of the planets and scenes of the places are shown.
Each planet in the system had a royal family of it's own, and the eldest
daughters of these families were the bodyguards of the princess of the Moon,
Princess Serenity. The Sailor Senshi, as they were known, commanded strong
magical powers and were among the most powerful beings in the solar system,
although the Princess and the Queen outclassed all of them. The Sailor Senshi
took their name from the ridiculously skimpy sailor-like costumes they wore -
there is an unwritten rule that the more important a leader is, the stupider
their guards' uniforms are. The Senshi didn't have it as bad as the Swiss
Guard, but they did have to put up with miniskirts.
As it's name implies, the Silver Millennium ruled for over a thousand years...
until a revolt broke out on Earth under Queen Beryl of the
Queen Serenity (not to be confused with her daughter Serenity JR) survived the
battle, and soon discovered the Princess and her friends' dead bodies. The
Queen used the last of her strength to send them all to be reborn in another
time, with no memories of what had happened. But since she had to use the
Ginzoushou, or Silver Plot Device, to achieve this she died shortly afterwards.
Thousands of years later, the Sailor Senshi, Prince Endymion and Princess
Serenity are living happily after being reincarnated... well mostly happily.
Endymion's had a bit of a rough time of it, but that's another story. What's
important right now is that the
Part 1 : "Lunacy in
BART and LISA sit on the couch eating their breakfast. The familiar opening
music of an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon is heard.
Usual I&S title screen. The title is "Episode 76 : Breadknives don't
just cut bread! Itchy's surprising revelation!"
ITCHY stands in the street, looking at a map. Camera pans around a few times,
looking at pictures of the sky, the houses, the street, the ground, the birds,
the clouds, the dogs, the walls and the inevitable cherry trees (complete with
blossom) This takes about 3 minutes, while slow, relaxing music plays.
SUDDENLY the background starts flashing red and battle music starts, as
SCRATCHY attempts to hit Itchy with a flying kick. Itchy just ducks and
Scratchy lands a few feet away from him.
A panting Itchy lands on the ground, sighs to himself, (phew!) bows to his
ex-opponent and starts to prepare some celebratory green tea.
SUDDENLY, aliens attack!
Bart and Lisa are still watching, as various miscellaneous fight SFX come from
the TV. Their eyes are bulging in confusion.
BART: I'm not sure... I think they're wanting vengeance for the death of
Klu Klux Klam, but they don't know that Klam was only sent to the next
dimension by Itchy in episode 132.
LISA: But the title at the start said it was episode 76!
BART: (shrugs) It's one of those time travel things I think... (SFX:
DING!) Hey, they're done!
Bart runs over to the oven, opens it up, and removes a baking tray.
BART (defensive): Hey,
don't get the wrong idea Lis. You know how it's report card day today?
LISA: Yes...
BART: Well, I figured, since you always get good grades for cooking the
teacher's some muffins, I could try the same thing and...
LISA: Bart! I get good grades because I work hard in class and study!
BART: So you say, but they could just be humoring you to get more
muffins...
MARGE is now here, washing the breakfast dishes. BART and LISA run in.
MARGE: You did what? Oh, I'd like to honey, but your father had a...
little accident in his car last night.
LENNY is hanging upside down, and sleeping. He suddenly wakes.
BART, LISA and MARGE are still in their positions. LENNY's cries for help can
be faintly heard in the background.
LISA: Walk? Walk! At this rate we'll have to RUN! (she grabs Bart's
hand) C'mon, Bart, we're late already!
LENNY (OS): Helllppp... helllppp...
Suitable fast-paced music. Bart and Lisa run along, avoiding all sorts of
obstacles and so on. After about 15 seconds, Lisa glances into the car park
next to a pre-school nursery, and sees a group of small boys teasing what looks
like a black cat. She skids to a halt, but Bart continues towards school.
Lisa approaches the boys.
A cheesy, big black scary place. Heavy on the stalactites, stalagmites, and
mood lighting. Kind of like what Mel Stanley would design if she were given a
huge cave and an infinite budget. The silhouettes of hundreds of YOUMA's
(cheesy female monsters) crowd a few dozen feet from the throne. An obviously
evil woman (QUEEN BERYL) sits on said throne, waving her hands vaguely over a
crystal ball. She's doing this every time we see her, how does she not get RSI?
BERYL: Have you completed your mission?
JIMBOITE: Yes. Napster is ruined now, and we have a trojan youma in all
the file sharing programs created to take its place. Every byte downloaded
grants our ruler further energy. The humans' lust for free music will be their
downfall.
BERYL: Good, but data energy is not a very potent source. We need the
real thing, human life energy. Take a youma to the world of humans and con some
stupid women into giving us theirs!
JIMBOITE: I've already sent Morgue to a human town, and she's getting
ready now.
BERYL: Good. Bring the energy to me.
JIMBOITE: Yes, my queen.
The hallways are empty, except for LISA, who is sneaking down the corridor
slowly, looking around carefully. However, she manages to walk straight into
SKINNER.
LISA: Principal Skinner! I can explain!
SKINNER: Don't bother. I'm sorry to have to do this Lisa, God knows you
don't deserve it, but rules are rules and I must follow them. (Dramatic echo) 2
minutes detention.
LISA (falls to knees, scream): NOOOOOOOOO!
SKINNER: No screaming in the halls. 2 and a half minutes detention.
LISA (scream): NOOOOOOOOOO!
SKINNER: Didn't you hear me? 3 minutes detention.
LISA (scream): NOOOOOOOOOOO!
SKINNER (sigh): Just get to class...
Lisa opens the door, and creeps in. Her usual class is here, along with MS
HOOVER.
MS HOOVER: This voucher for 10 dollars off anything at the new
Springfield Wal-Mart, and this ham.
It's recess. LISA sits by a tree with her elbows on her knees, looking sad.
JANEY is standing near her.
LISA: Yeah, I know. And besides, I'm a vegetarian. What would I want
with ham?
JANEY: Exactly. Besides, Ralph really seems to be enjoying it.
MILHOUSE approaches the girls.
MILHOUSE (Disappointed): oh...
JANEY (changing the subject): Hey Lisa, did you hear about that Sailor V
character? She was on the World's Wackiest News last night.
LISA: Sailor V? That's a strange name. Who is she?
MILHOUSE: Sailor V is a teenage girl in a mask and a sailor suit who
catches bank robbers and fights monsters and stuff. They think she's originally
from
LISA: Guys, don't you know better than to trust a news program hosted by
Krusty the Klown?
The whole class is busily working, RALPH is still sucking at his ham. The clock
hits
JANEY (to Lisa): Tell you what Lisa, to cheer up, why don't we go to
that new Wal-Mart and have a look at the jewel counter there. My mom got a job
there as the resident expert.
LISA: Jewels? Aren't there other, better shops in
JANEY: Of course, but no other shops are having a huge opening sale
right now!
LISA: Well, I had better head for detention... will you wait for me?
JANEY: I don't know Lisa, 3 minutes is a long time, it's almost 6
commercials. I don't know if I have that much patience...
LISA: Yeah... why are you here?
Bribery doesn't work! One hour detention!
LISA and JANEY walk down the street.
JANEY: Did you ever go back to practice after that game against your
brother?
There are legions of women crowded around the jewelry counter, and just as many
other people at all the other counters. They're all fussing over the goods and
buying like mad. JANEY'S MOM strides around the store, with a megaphone made of
rolled up cardboard.
JIMBOITE stands here. He holds out a hand and the energy starts to swirl into a
ball just above his palm.
People are wedged in the doors. Janey and Lisa manage to POP through.
JANEY: I know! I wonder what my mom is thinking... (she sees her, with
the megaphone) Oh! Wow, she's really getting into this! (calls and waves) Mom,
hey mom!
JANEY: Yeah. I brought Lisa over to have a look at your sale (whisper)
like you asked... (normal) Um, isn't it a bit busy around here?
FAKE MOM: Oh, it's to be expected when a shop this size opens... (she
looks carefully at Lisa) I had a hunch you girls would come over, I've been
saving a special piece for you...
LISA: What? That's cheap! How can you make money like that?
FAKE MOM: Well, you wouldn't believe the markup we normally have on
these things.
LISA: Hm... I'm not usually the type to buy jewelry... but it is a great
necklace! And it's a great bargain too!
FAKE MOM (disappointed): Oh... that's a shame. Well, I'll keep it for
you.
LISA: Thanks. I'll probably come back for it...
FAKE MOM: Okay! (to self) Koises, foiled again!
RALPH stands looking at the sweets, holding his voucher in his hand. He licks
his lips.
TEEN: Uh, are you over 21?
RALPH: I don't know. But I have a thing Daddy gave me.
RALPH (pointing up): That gun's just like Daddy's.
RALPH: Really? Oh boy!
LISA: Oh come on, do you think it would be a good idea to let him buy a
gun?
JANEY: No, but you didn't have to take his money.
LISA: If I hadn't, he would have got one anyway. Besides, it would have
been my prize anyway if I hadn't stopped to help that cat.
Lisa hands the voucher over to Fake Mom.
MS HOOVER: Ten bucks?
LUANNE VAN HOUTEN: What a deal!
JANEY: I think I agree with you, Lisa.
LISA is walking down the street by herself now...
The front door opens, and LISA enters.
MARGE (Shouts from OS): Okay! Don't go far, dinner will be ready soon!
LISA (shout): Okay!
Lisa enters and closes the door behind her. She sits at her dresser, removes
her normal fake-pearl necklace, and puts her new one on. It looks slightly
different from the fake one, a bit better. She admires her reflection for a
moment.
MARGE (Shout from OS): LISA! Dinner is ready!
LISA: Hm, I had better not wear this to dinner, I don't want to wear it
out or risk Bart breaking it...
The shoppers are looking a bit more tired...
HELEN LOVEJOY: I just want to sleep...
AGNES SKINNER: I want some more... (collapses)
The family sit around the table, eating. HOMER looks up at LISA and BART.
BART: Sorry Dad... I'll follow a recipe next time.
HOMER: You'd better boy. Okay Lisa, lets see yours...
LISA: But Dad... I got A's in every other subject! Bart didn't get
anything better than a D and you only yelled at him on the cookies!
BART: Hey, do you mind? I'm sensitive about my culinary failure!
HOMER: Lisa, haven't I told you often enough that a good P.E. mark is
the easy road to instant popularity? You need to concentrate less on learning
stuff and more on making people like you!
LISA: What? That's... ludicrous! As if there's anything I could do to
magically make everyone like me! I'm no good at sports!
HOMER: Well, you should get good!
LISA: But...
HOMER: No buts. Go to your room, and run on the spot or something!
Lisa enters, in a bad mood.
CAT (young feminine voice): Thanks. You play really well, by the way.
CAT: Oh! Sorry to scare you. My name is Luna. I've been looking for you
for a very long time, Lisa.
LUNA: Hey! I'm not a hallucination! I'm a real cat!
LISA: Yeah? Real cats can't talk! I should know, I have one!
LUNA: Well, I'm not an ordinary cat, of course!
LISA: Of course! You're an imaginary one caused by a high temperature or
something!
LUNA: I am not!
LISA: Are too!
LUNA: Am not!
LISA: Are too!
LUNA: Oh, this is ridiculous!
LUNA (stops and turns):
Oh... look, just give me a chance, okay? All will become clear, I promise.
LISA: Well... sorry, but I think I had better get some medicine from my
mom.
LUNA: Don't go... wait, I know. You were feeling fine when I met you
this morning, weren't you?
LISA: Yeah... (protesting) but you weren't doing anything unusual then!
LUNA (sarcastic): You
think cats doing 7 foot backflips onto car roofs is normal?
LISA (overwhelmed): um... okay, okay. I'll stay. But this better be
good.
LUNA: Oh, I know it is. HERE!
LUNA: Yes, only you can use it. Lisa, you might not have noticed, but a
lot of strange things have been happening all over
LISA (surprised): What,
you mean all those mysterious deaths? The ones were nobody can find any cause
of death except exhaustion?
LUNA: Yes, those deaths.
LISA (thoughtful): Bart
and I had been looking into some of them... a lot of the time we're more likely
to solve the case than the police are.
LUNA (surprised): That's
good... (enthused) that's a great start! Lisa, you have been chosen to be a
soldier in the battle against the people causing these deaths!
LISA: What? Chosen by who? Who would choose an 8-year-old?
LUNA: Fate.
LISA: Um, okay... MOM!
LUNA: Lisa! What, don't you believe me?
LISA (nervously): Of, of
course I do, imaginary fever cat. But I really think I should have some
medicine!
LUNA: (sigh): Lisa... I know you don't need to believe me, but I can
prove this... please, hold up the brooch and say "MOOON PRISIMU POWA -
MAKE UP!"
LUNA (defensive): Hey, I didn't decide on the phrase, okay. Just say the
stupid words.
LISA: Uh, sure I will... (at door) MOMM!
LUNA (sigh): Please Lisa, I'm begging you... if it does nothing I'll
leave.
LUNA: Lisa, you have been chosen to be a soldier for Justice. You are
Sailor Moon! 
When she is Sailor Moon, Lisa will be
referred to as MOON-LISA.
LUNA (dismissive): That's
not important right now...
MOON-LISA: Yes it is, I look like an idiot! (angry, dives at Luna) Give
me my red dress back!
LUNA: Agh! Sailor Moon! What are you doing?
MOON-LISA: (gasp)
LUNA: Sailor Moon! We must destroy this necklace!
LUNA: That necklace must have come from the
MOON-LISA: What? Is that why I felt a little faint before?
LUNA: I would bet it is.
MOON-LISA: But... if all the jewelry in the store is like this... dozens
of people could die!
LUNA: Yes! You must do something Sailor Moon!
LUNA:
MOON-LISA: Hm... all right. What do we need to do?
LUNA: We must head for that new store right away!
All of the SHOPPERS are here, now completely passed out. FAKE MOM is here too,
holding JANEY by her throat two feet from the floor.
FAKE MOM: I'm not your mother. She is tied up in the basement!
JANEY (struggle): But... who... ugh...
FAKE MOM: You don't see to be affected ... oh, you didn't buy anything!
Well, I know exactly what to do with you.
MOON-LISA (hesitates): Um... I'm... (poses) I am the pretty soldier
(pose) of love and justice (pose) Sailor Moon! (pose) In the name of the moon
(pose) I'll punish you! (pose, pose)
LUNA: Wow, she's catching on fast...
FAKE MOM: Sailor Moon? A bit smaller than expected, but that doesn't
matter! I'll teach you to mess with the powers of the
LUNA: No Sailor Moon, it's the youma that's caused this! You must
destroy it!
MORGUE: You can try, little girl! Attention shoppers, we have a blue light
special on dead wannabe heroes!
SKINNER (groaning): Coming... mother...
SKINNER (groaning): But... Mother...
MS HOOVER (groaning): Write... 10000... lines! "This... is...
not... appropriate... clothing!"
MOON-LISA: Detention and lines? But I'm a model student!
CLETUS (groaning): Yee... haw...
Moon-Lisa squats behind a counter.
MOON-LISA: But how can I? You never told me that bit!
LUNA: ... okay, so I didn't. Just remove your tiara, and throw it at the
youma while shouting "Mooon Tiarra Acshon!"
MOON-LISA: Moon Tiara Action? (pause, yells) MOM! MOMM! Come wake me up!
LUNA (exasperated): For
goodness sake girl, I'm being perfectly serious!
MOON-LISA: That's hard to believe right now...
LUNA: Look, the "Mooon Prisimu Powa, make up!" worked, didn't
it? So trust me a little, Sailor Moon! I'm not a hallucination or anything, and
those people it's controlling are dying!
TUXEDO KAMEN (bends down and looks closely): You're a bit... uh...
younger than expected...
MOON-LISA: Is your name Corey?
TUXEDO KAMEN (shudder): Uh, no. (to self) This is my love-interest? Even
I have limits... (to Moon-Lisa, embarrassed) Well, good luck! Gotta go!
MORGUE (OS): (cough) Are you done yet?
MORGUE: Good. Prepare to meet your death, Sailor Moon!
MOON-LISA: Okay!
Moon-Lisa appears before a trippy background with bubbles and stuff in it.
Close-up of her tiara. She picks it off her head, and POSES. Then she holds it
in front of her and SPINS twice on one leg. The tiara starts to glow becoming a
disc of white light. She POSES.
Morgue screams as the tiara heads straight for her. There is a large explosion
of white light as it hits.
JIMBOITE's ball of energy suddenly dissipates as it's returned to its owners.
MOON-LISA flops down back-first onto her bed, exhausted. Her uniform glows for
a moment before turning back into her red dress.
LUNA: Not at all, and you did it really well too! Great job Lisa, you
saved all these people!
LISA: Huh, I guess I did! It was weird and embarrassing, but it worked
pretty well. I'm just glad those people probably won't have any memory of me in
that silly costume.
LUNA: Oh, don't worry about that. Nobody, not even your closest friends
and family will ever recognize you as Sailor Moon.
LISA: Why not?
LUNA: Plot convenience.
LISA: Ah. So... was that the only youma, or will there be more enemies
like it?
LUNA: I'm afraid there will almost certainly be more. We've got a long
battle ahead of us, Lisa.
Establishing shot of the church. The billboard reads "Communion this
Sunday. NO MINORS!"
LUNA (voice-over): Hush, Lisa.
LISA and LUNA hide behind some bushes, watching REV LOVEJOY and CHIEF WIGGUM
talking.
WIGGUM (accusatory): You
sure you're telling me everything? Kidnapping the old folks is a serious crime,
churchie!
LOVEJOY: And exactly what do you mean by that?
LISA (whisper): What? I didn't say anything!
LUNA (whisper): Whoops, sorry... it must have been a voiceover...
LISA (whisper): Uh huh... Well, it looks like the reverend doesn't know
anything, and if I know the Springfield Police, they'll be completely clueless
too. Looks like this one is up to us...
JESSICA (OS): Are you talking to that cat?
Part 3 : The bus smells of old people! Flame's soldier appears!
LISA: No, of course not, how could a cat talk back anyway, it's not
possible...
LUNA: Meow meow.
LISA: None of your business, Jessica.
JESSICA: Hey, you're the one spying on my dad, you can't say it's none
of my business.
LISA: Alright, if you must know, I'm investigating the old folks'
disappearances.
JESSICA: Heh, good luck. (snort) A witless imbecile like you'll need it!
LISA: Oh, I suppose you're doing much better, Jessica? Got any clues of
your own?
JESSICA: It really doesn't bother me what happens to a bunch of dumb old
coots. But even if I did, I wouldn't share them with you.
LISA: Fine then. Well, there isn't anything else to be found here, we'll
just head off somewhere else. Come on, Luna.
Luna and Lisa walk around at the front. CREEPY JIMBO is cleaning the steps
around the front.
LUNA: Lisa, that's an awful thing to think about someone! You should
give her a chance, she may surprise you someday.
LISA: It's not very likely... but okay, I'll try next time. So what
shall we do now about the buses?
LUNA: I think our best get is to get ourselves on those buses to
investigate. We may find our enemies on them somewhere...
LISA: But, what if we get kidnapped?
LUNA: If we are, we'll be in the perfect place to defeat the kidnappers
and rescue the old folks.
LISA: Hmm, I guess you're right. I'd better get Allison over here then.
LISA: This is less conspicuous.
LISA: Allison, where are you?
ALLISON: I am waiting for a bus.
ALLISON: I'm fine. What is it, Lisa?
LISA: Luna and I need you at the First Church of Springfield. We think
we've uncovered another plot by the
ALLISON: Okay, I'll be right over.
LUNA: Good.
JESSICA stands here, arms folded, watching Lisa and Luna. CREEPY JIMBO is still
washing the steps. He wears a shirt that reads COMMUNITY SERVICE.
C-JIMBO: Hey Jessie, you're wrong! I could figure this out if I wanted
to. There's just no point in doing it, is all.
JESSICA: Yeah, you're right.
A bus is parked here. Lisa is waiting around, until Allison runs up to her.
ALLISON (voice-over): So since we knew that we would be thrown off the
bus when the old guys had to use it, we hid under the seats so that we could
try to prevent it being hijacked.
GRAMPA (looks around, guilty): Kidnappings? What are you talking about,
I ain't kidnapped nobody, I tells ya!
OTTO (continued): ... but don't worry, there's no way anything's gonna
go wrong on this bus, I already checked the trunk for Arabs, (waves a gun) and
I'm packing a piece jussst in case.
GRAMPA: This is the safest I've felt for decades!
OTTO: So don't worry old dudes, you are completely safe!
Moon-Lisa looks annoyed.
The portal can be seen in the windshield. The oldies are shouting in fright and
surprise. Camera pans down to MOON-LISA, MERC-ALLISON and LUNA, hidden under
the seats. Moon-Lisa is starting to turn blue from holding her breath.
MOON-LISA: Okay, I think I'm better now...
OTTO: Hey, don't worry about it sailor dude-ess, I've seen this before.
That's just another of my acid flashbacks, it'll disappear once we drive
through it.
MOON-LISA: ... and that means?
MERC-ALLISON: I'm not sure. (looks at computer screen.) Apparently I'm
educated stupid.
LUNA: O...kay, so Sailor Mercury's computer is on the fritz. When we get
out of here, remind me to call tech support.
MOON-LISA: Speaking of getting out of here, aren't we getting a bit
close to that portal?
The bus floats off the ground a little as it enters the portal.
OLD FOLKS (OS): OKAY!
Jessica walks around with a magnifying glass, inspecting the pavement. CREEPY
JIMBO is still cleaning the steps.
Jessica looks up and down the street. The only thing of note is JIMBO, NELSON,
DOLPH and
Jessica looks at the steps. Creepy Jimbo is still washing them. She looks back
at the street - Jimbo is still harassing
Creepy Jimbo walks down the aisle, and approaches the stage. SFX - Door
Opening. C-Jimbo turns at the noise. Pan over to show Jessica in the door.
C-JIMBO: What? You talking to me!
JESSICA: Yeah, I am! Who the hell are you to come here impersonating Jimbo
Jones? The real Jimbo would never even turn up for community service like a
wimp, never mind finish on time! You're the one behind the kidnappings, aren't
you?
C-JIMBO: You're right... how smart of you to figure it out.
The dimension certainly is weird. A single island made of firmament, floating
in a vast blackness. Another bus is parked at the side of the island, and the
current bus enters through a portal higher up.
OTTO, MOON-LISA, MERC-ALLISON and LUNA are up the front.
MOON-LISA: It looks like we've left our reality completely.
LUNA: This is part of the
OTTO: Woah, this is new. I've never had a hallucination like this
before.
MRS GLICK : But who are you anyway?
JASPER: They're obviously trapeze artists!
CRAZY OLD MAN : No, they're ice skaters!
GRAMPA: You're both crazy! Look at those costumes, they're obviously
Broadway showgirls! Hey girls, can you Can-Can like I can? (gets up and starts
trying to do the can-can) Da, diddy-diddy, da da diddy-diddy da da...
MOON-LISA (disturbed): Eww...
The bus pulls in next to the island, and the doors open. Moon-Lisa steps out.
CRAZY OLD MAN : Not before time, too. I've been waiting for years to get
your room, you long lived old bastard.
JASPER: Hey, over my dead body, you room-coveting young whippersnapper!
CRAZY OLD MAN : Your dead body eh? Well, where are you now, eh? (gloating)
The room is mine!
JASPER: Not if I kill you before you take it!
MERC-ALLISON (looking at computer): Nearly, I think I can get the
MapMaker program on this thing to work. (she gives it a smack. SFX: Windows "ping") Ah, here
it goes!
MOON-LISA: So where are we?
MERC-ALLISON: It says we're "In the Land of Mordor where the
Shadows lie."
MERC-ALLISON: (gives it another smack) I think it's probably still a bit
buggy...
LUNA: What the?
JESSICA: Now where am I? Where did you send me?
MOON-LISA/MERC-ALLISON (deadpan): What?
JESSICA (hyper): I
can't believe it's you! I have all of the Sailor Moon comics so far, and your
video games and some of the dubbed cartoon on tape!
MOON-LISA: We have a comic book?
MERC-ALLISON: And video games?
LUNA: What? I never approved a hack-job dub! What is central control
thinking?
JESSICA: And oh, I can't believe I finally met you! It's a dream come
true! Wait until I tell the girls at school about this!
JESSICA: Yes!
MERC-ALLISON: You think we are very cool?
JESSICA: Yes!
MOON-LISA: You want to be like us?
JESSICA: Definitely!
MOON-LISA: Nothing. (snort) Sorry, Jessica. Well, it was great to talk
like this, but we're trying to find out what's behind these kidnappings. Maybe
you should go wait over with the old folks.
JESSICA: What? I don't want to go over by those old farts - I can help!
I know who's behind this! What's why I got thrown in here!
MERC-ALLISON: You do? Who?
JESSICA: It was a guy, in a grey uniform of some kind!
LUNA: Hm, that sounds like a
MOON-LISA: What about Otto? He's the one who drove us through the portal
in the first place!
LUNA: No, not Otto. All youma's are female, remember?
MOON-LISA: Oh yeah.
MERC-ALLISON: Well, that leaves fangirl-Jessica here, and (looks at the
old folks) Mrs. Glick. Who is acting the most unusual?
LUNA: She's got a point.
MOON-LISA: So that leaves...
MOON-LISA: We'll see about that! (poses) I am the pretty soldier (pose)
of love and justice (pose) Sailor Moon! (pose)
MERC-ALLISON: (pose) And I am Sailor Mercury! (pose)
BOTH : (pose) In the name of the moon we'll punish you!
JESSICA: Wow! It's just like in the cartoon!
Moon-Lisa appears before a trippy background with bubbles and stuff in it.
Close-up of her tiara. She picks it off her head, and POSES. Then she holds it
in front of her and SPINS twice on one leg. The tiara starts to glow becoming a
disc of white light. She POSES.
The moon-tiara races toward the Youma, but she catches it out of midair.
MOON-LISA: Well, I'll get you another way then!
LUNA: Well, we have to find some way of beating it!
MERC-ALLISON: I would, (eyes Luna) but somebody decided I should only be
able to make fog...
LUNA (washes paws): Hey, don't look at me, I don't allocate the magic...
MOON-LISA: Luna! Sailor Mercury! Now's not the time for arguing!
JESSICA (interrupts, holds paper and pen): Um, Sailor Moon? I know now
might not be the time, but I was wondering if I could have your autograph?
JESSICA: I can be Sailor Mars? (pause, giddy) Oh my god! Oh boy oh boy
oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy...
JESSICA: oh boy... what? Okay! MARSU POWA, MAKE UP! (nothing happens)
Hey, it didn't work... (Jessica suddenly bursts into flame) Aiee! Help, I'm on fire!
(she runs around madly, until the flames go out on their own accord, revealing
that she now wears a uniform similar to the other two, except her bows etc are
shades of red and black, and she wears high-heels instead of knee-boots. She
looks down at herself with an expression that's a mix of shock and happiness)
COOL! 
MOON-LISA: Jessica is the third soldier, Sailor Mars? (to Luna) Are you
crazy, cat? She's not a good girl, believe me!
LUNA: Hey, give her a chance, Sailor Moon!
MARS-JESSICA: Yeah! I'll show you I can be good! Occasionally... (to
Youma) Youma! The church depends on the collection money and hall fees of
elderly people to survive! Kidnapping enough would bankrupt my family and is
unforgivable! In the name of Mars, I'll p...
YOUMA : You're going to punish me, right? Boy is this getting
repetitive...
MARS-JESSICA: Um, no! I'll chastise you in the name of Mars! Yeah,
chastise! FIRE...
MOON-LISA: Wow! That's not bad!
MARS-JESSICA: Wow! I'm good at this!
MERC-ALLISON: The youma's gone! Lets get out of here!
MOON-LISA: Yeah, lets do that ASAP! (to old folks) Quick everyone, get
on the bus!
GRAMPA: Why?
MOON-LISA: Why? Because you'll be stranded here if you don't get out
soon!
GRAMPA: Aww, this is nothing. Did I ever tell you about the time I was
trapped behind enemy lines in
MOON-LISA: Hm, this'll be harder than I thought. We need to get their
attention and get them moving, fast!
MERC-ALLISON: But how?
GRAMPA (cont): ...
and we were really bored. So I did what we always did in those days, we created
out own entertainment! But we didn't have many things to use, so we ended up
stealing a pig and seeing how full of air we could pump it...
MOON-LISA: I have an idea. Huddle!
MOON-LISA: Sailor Mars, if there's one thing you need to get used to in
this job, it's embarrassment.
MERC-ALLISON: She's right, and it does sound like it could work.
GRAMPA (cont): ...
that was fun for a while, but the novelty of an inflated pig soon wore off, so
I devised a game - a wondrous game played on the Belgian beaches, where you had
to hit the inflated pig over a high net, over and over again. Beach Abeyball
was so popular that after the war we were chosen to represent
MOON-LISA: Okay, lets do it then.
JASPER: Hey, look! They're putting on a Broadway show!
MOON-LISA: Hey, come over and join in, if you want!
CRAZY OLD MAN: Oh boy, have you ever seen me dance? I'm a superstar!
OTTO: Woah, I gotta try this out in the clubs!
GRAMPA: Of course, Mike Van Damme wasn't very happy about the death of
his pig, and set his son Jean Claude on us, but I easily defeated him with my
patented mixture of preying mantis kung fu and The Force.
As Grampa is talking, the bus emerges from the portal and people start getting
off.
MOON-LISA, MERC-ALLISON, MARS-JESSICA and LUNA watch the old folks getting off.
MOON-LISA: I'm amazed! I must admit, I thought we were goners for a
while.
LUNA: You all did very well today, I'm proud of you. Especially you,
Sailor Mars.
MARS-JESSICA: Wow, thanks! So... now that we're out of danger and out of
sight, can I find out who you are? You know who I am, after all.
MOON-LISA: You really want to know?
MARS-JESSICA: You bet! You're my idols, it would be amazing to know who
you are!
Jessica's tortured scream is heard in every part of the town.
LISA (voiceover): Hey, you can't punish me! I'm Sailor Moon!
LUNA (voiceover): Girls, this is not the time.
ALLISON (voiceover): She's right. We still had to defeat Jimboite!
It's dark, after
JESSICA (voiceover): So now that the
LISA and ALLISON sit at either end of a bench. JESSICA is in the middle, and
twisting Lisa's arm behind her back. Allison is carrying LUNA.
LISA: Ow, that hurts! Jessica, you're mean! Stop it!
LUNA: JESSICA! Stop that right now! Allison, sit in-between them, will
you?
ALLISON: Um, okay...
JESSICA: Yes...
LISA: How long do you think it will be before they send out a new
general to harass us then?
LUNA: Not long, I'm afraid. I would be surprised if they haven't already
chosen Jimboite's replacement.
NELSONITE stands alone in the room. He's a copy of Nelson, wearing a
Part 4 : Babysitters in weird crushes! Jupiter comes stumbling in...
NELSONITE: Janey... I'm sorry... I really wanted to eat that chocolate
parfait with you... and get a pizza, and some french fries... and a squishiee
too... and some ice cream... a few cans of coke... a nice big steak... (starts
to sit up) hey, man I'm hungry, oh wait, I forgot, I'm dead. (dies)
JANEY: NOOOOOOOOOO!
MOON-LISA: I wonder how Janey could ever get over this...
MILHOUSE (voiceover): Me!
MILHOUSE and JANEY sit at the right-hand side of the bench. LISA, ALLISON,
JESSICA and LUNA are at the far left, looking at Milhouse and Janey. It looks
like they've just had a great shock and they've scrambled up on top of each
other! Jessica kneels on the bench, Lisa has climbed up onto Jessica's back,
Allison has climbed up onto Lisa's back and Luna is standing on Allison's
shoulders.
JANEY: Just now.
MILHOUSE: You were doing some narration, and it looked like fun, so we
thought we'd join in!
JESSICA (glare): Well, if you don't mind, this is a private narration.
LISA: Sorry Janey.
JANEY: Hmph, okay. We know when we're not wanted. Come on Milhouse,
let's leave them to their clique and go have that shrimp.
MILHOUSE: Shrimp? Oh boy!
JESSICA: Not me...
ALLISON: Nor I. But anyway (to Luna) what happened next?
LUNA: Well, I think the
QUEEN BERYL sits on her throne. DOLPHITE and KEARNEYITE stand before her.
BERYL: Now that you have finished your analysis of our organization,
what are your suggestions?
DOGBERT: Well, first there's an issue of space. You have quite the
network of huge caves here, but currently you just let your youmas and generals
stay anywhere, so we have 2 or 3 youmas per cavern. (holds out a cardboard box)
Now, if you installed these "modular workspace and sleeping quarters"
you could stack all your vassals and peons into a single cavern, and rent out
the remaining space to other evil empires.
KEARNEYITE: Hey now wait a minute. I'm not sleeping in a cardboard box!
DOGBERT: We do of course have an executive model...
DOGBERT: As an extra bonus, I can get these modular units to you fairly
cheap, from Dogbert Cardboard. Now, to my next finding... there is no sense of
teamwork here. This kingdom is completely lacking in synergy, we can see it
every day in the infighting, bickering and killing between Generals. If your
generals could learn to work together on a task, the chances of success would
rise, correct?
BERYL: You might be right...
DOGBERT: No, I'm always right. Now, it just so happens that I run a
week's wilderness training workshop, to teach fundamental skills like teamwork and
leadership and whatever. 99.3% of pointy-haired-bosses agree, they always have
more synergy in their company after going on a wilderness workshop.
BERYL: Sounds good. We'll take it!
BERYL: Yes... I suppose so. But we learned a lot about teamwork, didn't
we?
DOLPHITE: Did we? I didn't.
KEARNEYITE: Neither did I. He didn't talk to us once during the trip.
BERYL: Well, I did... didn't I?
DOGBERT stands counting a stack of money, laughing quietly to himself. He turns
as he hears some shouting behind him, and sees a huge mass of youmas charging
at him, led by Dolphite and Kearneyite.
DOGBERT: Uh oh, looks like they've caught up faster than average. (into
communicator) Beam me up, Nabiki.
DOGBERT: Never mind that, just beam me up before they kill me.
NABIKI TENDO (filtered): 16000 yen.
DOGBERT: Forget it. (throws away communicator, gets another one) Beam me
up, Dilbert.
DILBERT (filtered): Sure.
DOLPHITE: Uh... could you repeat that? What crystals lead to what again?
BERYL: Just use the dark one to find the rainbow ones for now, dimwit.
DOLPHITE: Huh, okay...
LISA walks home from school, LUNA beside her.
GIRL 2: Yeah, you could hurt someone like that!
LISA: S-sorry, I didn't mean...
GIRL 1: It doesn't matter what you meant! We're gonna need some
compensation for this! You've got money, don'cha?
LISA: Money? N-no, I don't...
GIRL 3: Liar! 'Course you do! Get her!
LAURA (offscreen): Hey! Leave her alone!
GIRL 1: Better leave us alone, or you're next!
LAURA: I don't think so, that girl's my neighbor! I baby-sit for her!
GIRL 1: You wanna be a hero? Okay, you asked for it!
Lisa and Luna walk with Laura. Dear God, are there three L's in this scene? At
least Lenny and Lou the cop aren't here.
LAURA: No problem, glad to do it. Back when we were always moving around
with my dad, he's teach me some of the stuff he learned from the army. (looks
around nervously) Come on, I'll walk you home in case they come back.
LAURA: I don't know... lets check it out.
There's a huge crowd of people gathered around a crane-game machine. You know,
those crappy things where you try to catch soft toys from a bin with a crane. A
young man in his teens to early-20s (JOE) is playing on it, he has no sense of
embarrassment apparently. An almost full bag of soft toys lies at his feet. A
large group of people, including ALLISON and JESSICA have gathered to watch the
freak.
He puts another quarter into the machine, and positions the crane over a
bootleg Sailor Merc-Allison plush doll. As the crane descends, he places a hand
on the glass, and the doll ascends up into the grabber, followed by an Itchy
plush as well.
He picks them up out of the tray, and holds them before him - suddenly a huge
smile appears on his face, and he stares blankly at the dolls.
ALLISON: Hi Lisa. I think he's called Crane Guy Joe.
JESSICA: He's some freak who obsessively plays crane games until he has
all the dolls from them. I heard he's cleaned out most of the games around
LISA: Hm, that's weird. He must have some kind of fetish or something...
JOE: Hey man, I was winning those dolls fair and square...
JOE: Okay, alright, I'm going...
ALLISON: He looks a lot like he needs psychiatric help.
LISA: Yeah, I agree... what do you think, Laura?
LISA: Huh?
LAURA: He looks just like my old boyfriend, who I dumped because he was
a wuss...
LAURA (suddenly vicious): Was I talking to you, worm?
JIMBO: Eep! (backs away)
LAURA (lovelorn again): Anyway... ever since then, I havn't really been
able to get him out of my mind...
JIMBO (OS): If you want me back, I'm right here!
LAURA (vicious again): Push off and die, creep!
LUNA: Lisa, I'm concerned about Laura... we should follow her, I got a
strange feeling from that man.
Laura walks through the park, looking for Joe. She eventually spots him in
amongst the trees, sitting cross-legged on the grass and playing with his new
toys. She hides behind a bush and watches him.
Joe plays with his toys - a frog doll and the Merc-Allison doll.
JOE (as self): Well thank you Clyde Frog. What about you, Sailor
Mercury?
JOE (to self as Mercury): I think you're the smartest and coolest person
ever, Joe! I really like the way you casually blow off nice people, just to be
an asshole!
She continues to stare lovingly toward Joe. But there's a rasping sound coming
from somewhere. Camera moves out to show Lisa, Jessica and Allison hiding
behind the same bush. Allison is grinding her teeth, and looks severely PISSED
OFF.
JESSICA: Hey Allison, I didn't know you swore like that.
ALLISON (incandescent RAGE): I Don't. If he doesn't get his hands off
that doll in 6 seconds, I'll...
JESSICA: Yeesh, calm down girl. It's just a doll, it's not you.
JOE (OS): I'm glad I got you Sailor Mercury, and not that nasty Sailor
Mars. (Jessica frowns) I got one of her once and had to throw her in the trash,
(Jessica glares) she just didn't understand me.
JESSICA (deadpan): Okay, he's dead.
ALLISON (glaring): Lets get 'im.
ALLISON/JESSICA: Aw... but...
ALLISON: Alright!
LISA: Are you sure? He seems a bit... disturbed... to me.
LAURA: Don't worry Lisa... I'm sure that once you get past his odd
liking for toys, he's a great guy. Wish me luck!
Lisa has been watching this, and Laura sits down beside her.
LISA: You're going to bother with plan B after that?
LAURA: He's a bit edgy and possessive, but I'm sure that I can change
him.
LISA: Don't you think you're being a little ridiculous?
LAURA: I'm a teenager, ridiculous is my forte. I mean...
Joe sits on the ground, looking up at Dolphite.
DOLPHITE: What do I look like? I don't want your plushies. It's you I'm
interested in!
JOE: W-w-what?
LISA (whisper): Laura, no! Be careful!
LAURA: Why don't you pick on someone your own size?
DOLPHITE: Don't get in my way, or you'll be sorry.
LAURA: Hmph! Hi-ya!
MOON-LISA: Hey! Stop right there!
LAURA: Sailor Moon?
LAURA: What the?
MOON-LISA: Hey! He turned into a youma?
GESEN: GESEN!
MOON-LISA: Agh! Help!
Jessica and Allison stand outside the cubicles, waiting for the current users
to come out. After a few moments the toilets flush, and the 2 doors open. The
current occupants leave and Jessica and Allison run in, closing the doors
behind them.
ALLISON: MURCURI POWA, MAKE UP!
MERC-ALLISON: Hm, maybe we should avoid doing that in enclosed spaces...
MARS-JESSICA (panicking): Well, what are you waiting for? Put it out!
MERC-ALLISON: I'll try... SHABON SPRAYY!
Things are the same as they were - Gesen has Moon-Lisa in a hold, Laura and
Luna are watching.
GESEN: GESEN?
MOON-LISA: Wow, that's incredible! I had no idea Laura could lift so
much!
LAURA: Well, I think I hurt him more than I hurt myself... ow.
LUNA: Quick, Laura, get up!
LAURA: Woah, the cat is talking! Cool!
LUNA (flattered): Well, thanks for saying, I'm glad...
LAURA: Are you one of those Japanese robot pets, like an AIBO?
LUNA (no longer flattered): No. Hmph! Quickly, take this transformation
pen, and say "Jupita Powa, Make Up!" Then help Sailor Moon defeat the
youma!
LAURA: What? It sounds strange but... okay. (takes it, and holds it up)
JUPITA POWA, MAKE UP!
The electricity subsides quickly, leaving a
slightly smoking SAILOR JUPITER (JUP-LAURA) standing there. She's dressed
similarly to Moon-Lisa, except in shades of green with pink bows.
LUNA: You are the fourth Sailor Soldier, Sailor Jupiter!
MOON-LISA: Great! We finally got another!
JUP-LAURA: I am? So, uh... what do I do?
GESEN (getting up): GESEN!
LUNA: Quickly, use the "Supreim thunda!" on that!
JUP-LAURA: "Supreim thunda?" Okay, I'll give it a shot...
MOON-LISA: Who do you think you are, Storm?
LUNA: Just do the attack!
JUP-LAURA: Awww... okay.
MOON-LISA: I think it's almost down! I'll finish it off with my tiara!
(goes to grab it...)
LUNA: No, Sailor Moon, don't! That youma was originally a human - well,
a really weird one, but a human nonetheless.
MOON-LISA: Well... that's bad! I can't kill a human!
JUP-LAURA: What can we do? We can't let it go either!
LUNA: You have to heal it!
MOON-LISA: Is that all I do in this job? Wave things about and shout?
LUNA: Pretty much, yeah. No heavy lifting.
MOON-LISA (resigned):
Oh well. Here goes then...
Closeup of Moon-Lisa's hand - she spins the Moon Wand in it, and then lowers it
to POSE with it in front of her face. Then she sticks out the wand, and SPIN
SPIN SPIN WAVE WAVE WAVE POSE.
GESEN glows brightly, stretching out his arms and legs.
LUNA: Don't ask me. I'm just a cat.
JUP-LAURA: So... forgive me for being a clueless newbie, but what just
happened?
LUNA: You are one of the Sailor Soldiers, Sailor Jupiter, the soldier of
Thunder and lightning, and also coconuts and oak leaves for some reason. Sailor
Moon, now we have 4 members, and the Moon Wand has appeared in your hands...
you must be the leader! Now, we have to find the princess!
MOON-LISA/JUP-LAURA: Uh, hi Dr Nick...
JUP-LAURA: We did? Well, it was nothing really...
MOON-LISA: Uh, yeah, nothing we can't handle.
MOON-LISA/JUP-LAURA: Bye Dr Nick!
JOE (OS): No... not more electricity...
JOE: Eugh...
Moon-Lisa and Jup-Laura watch the ambulance leave.
LUNA: What are you talking about?
MARS-JESSICA: Never mind. (cracks knuckles) Now, where's that freak?
MOON-LISA: The state took him away.
MERC-ALLISON: I guess we were too slow... oh well. Who's the new girl?
MARS-JESSICA: And where'd you get that tacky wand?
LISA, ALLISON, JESSICA and LAURA sit on the bench. Allison holds LUNA on her
lap.
LUNA: We need to find the princess.
JESSICA: Where is she?
LUNA: I... don't know.
ALLISON: How will we find her?
LUNA: I... don't know.
LISA: What does she look like?
LUNA: I... don't know.
LUNA: Not really... but I have Central Control working on it! They're
trying to get us some clues.
LISA: You mentioned them before. Who are central control?
LUNA: Well, um... y'know, I don't really know.
Part 5 : Shine on, you crazy crystal! The birth of Venus.
HOMER: Yeah, I was just talking with one of her teachers yesterday.
MARGE: Oh? What were they saying?
HOMER: Her gym marks have finally improved! She's getting really good at
(starts counting on fingers) dodgeball...
MARGE (interrupting, background back to norm): That's not what I mean,
Homer! I mean the late nights! Her being so secretive about where she's been!
That cat that's always following her about! Her new group of friends! I mean...
Allison is okay, but I don't approve of that Lovejoy tramp at all, and I don't
know if she should spend so much time around Laura.
HOMER: You're worrying too hard Marge, Lisa's fine. She's just putting
effort into getting more popular, and that's what's important.
MARGE: Hmmmph... well, it's not just Lisa. People all over
HOMER: That's nothing unusual, Moe's always been a handsome if bland
lady-killer.
HOMER (overacting): I don't know, but it's clear that the devils own
music has got to the boy! (stands) He needs some discipline and fast. There's
only one thing to do! (reaches under table and pulls out a huge rucksack, which
he puts on.) Marge, I'm taking the boy on a training trip to
MARGE (pointing at Homer): Okay, but if he doesn't come back a man among
men you're both committing suicide.
HOMER (casual salute): You got it.
HOMER: A bug?
LUNA walks along the front of the K-E-M building, heading for the door.
LUNA: Yes. We have found and awakened Sailor Jupiter! Sailor Moon,
though occasionally still skeptical, has taken to her role well and is proving
to be a good leader, and the other 3 Sailor Soldiers are adapting just as well.
LUNA: Oh yes... also, Sailor Mercury requests that she be given a power
that is actually useful.
CONTROL (filtered): Again? Persistent, isn't she?
LUNA (groan): You have no idea...
CONTROL (filtered): Okay, just tell her she can have the computer, or a
new power, but not both at once until she gets to level 6. Is there anything
else?
LUNA: Well... the last youma we fought was created from a human - the
CONTROL: Hm... that is very worrying... you know what you have to do.
APU (taking money): That is correct, small black talking cat.
LISA sits on the end of her bed. LAURA sits on the bed and leans against the
headrest. JESSICA sits on the floor, reading a Sailor V comic. (American comic,
not a manga, poor girl) ALLISON sits on Lisa's ergonomic chair, working on her
computer.
JESSICA: What about those NERVOUS guys? The ones with the giant robots?
LISA: I tried talking to them, but they seem pretty suspicious and
manipulative... I don't trust them.
Shot of the statue of Jebidiah Springfield. A LARGE PURPLE METAL FOOT crushes
it. Pan up to see a HUGE PURPLE ROBOT fighting a giant monster. The purple
robot proceeds to get it's ass handed to it, until it is disabled.
MILHOUSE is in the pilot's seat.
MILHOUSE: But I...
MILHOUSE: But dad...
MILHOUSE: But...
Closeup of MAGGIE who sits on the couch by herself. She glares a little at the
camera.
SUBTITLE: So many idiots.
LISA, LAURA, JESSICA and ALLISON are still here.
LISA: I would ask him, but I don't think it's a good idea to risk him
finding out about us... and he's got some problems of his own since he came
back from his trip with Dad...
A chase scene is in progress. Closeup of Bart's face, as he runs away from a
number of people in the background behind him - MARA MORRIGAN (fanfic
character) who wears a green gymnastics leotard and twirls a ribbon, SHERRI who
is dressed in a chinese-style red dress and carries two colorful but heavy
maces, and DATABASE who is wearing long white robes and has no (visible)
weapons.
SHERRI (chinese accent for some reason): You crazy girl. Bart marry
Sherri! Wo ai ni!
DATABASE: Bart, I'll kill you, and then I'll be able to marry Sherri
myself!
BART: (huff) But, I don't want to marry anyone! (puff) I'm only ten!
(huff) Aw geez, what did I do to deserve this?
MARTIN (drama king): Who dares to assault the personage of Martin
Prince?
BART: Oh great, this is the last thing I need now.
SHERRI: Silly overblown sword boy right, he scarper!
DATABASE: Bart Simpson, you coward! Where have you fled to?
Bart tiptoes down the side street, looking over his shoulder occasionally.
BOB (OS): Prepare to die, Bart Simpson!
BOB: Yes Bart, it's me again! Finally, today is the day I'll get my
revenge for all the pain and hardship you've caused me!
PIG (infuriated): Squeeee!
BART-CHAN (ignoring pig): Great, now I gotta go home for a bath.
They're all in the same places.
ALLISON: Well, what about that guy you once told me about? The tuxedo
guy who saved you once?
JESSICA (looking up from comic): Yes, and it was pathetic.
LAURA: Oh, I don't know, I thought it was pretty cute.
LISA (thoughtful): No, actually. He's never been back... I wonder where
he is now...
There is a
GIRL: <Bring me the
Ginzoushou... everything will be clear, if you have the Ginzoushou... please,
bring the Plot Device to me...>
Closeup view of MAMORU CHIBA'S face as he awakens from his nightmare,
screaming. Mamoru is the civilian identity of Tuxedo Kamen.
Mamoru leans on the balcony wall, and looks out over
DOLPHITE (OS): <I can't allow
that, Tuxedo Kamen...>
LISA, JESSICA, ALLISON and LAURA are still here.
JESSICA: Yeah, I don't see what the problem is anyway. We've been
handling these...
LISA: Huh? What is it?
The familiar title sequence, consisting of KENT BROCKMAN + BIKINI BABES plays.
KENT BROCKMAN is sat behind his desk.
ROSEANNE sits on a reinforced chair. She's still ungodly fat.
A group of TWENTYSOMETHINGS, of both the male and female varieties, sit around
a table at a coffee shop.
The bank is closed.
TEEN VOICE (shout, OS): The interest rates at the Second Bank are lower!
Everyone gasps, Lisa especially. Laura, Luna, Jessica and Allison look at Lisa
in shock. She looks at them.
Fuzzy camera footage of a tellers booth. A TELLER is behind the glass, serving
a CUSTOMER. CREEPY-MOON walks into shot. She looks a bit taller than Lisa, and
is mostly seen in shadow and silhouette.
PRYOR: I'm sorry
PRYOR: Naturally, this places the idea into the child's mind that THEY
can make a difference, and it is for this reason that we have seen this recent
rise in juvenile vigilante groups. Of course, the reality is that they are
insignificant and have no chance of making a difference in their lifetime -
once a child realizes this, their slide into disillusioned anti-socialism
begins.
PRYOR: Well... I had a hard time forming it, my wife left me recently to
go stalk Hideo Kojima and steal his shoes.
PRYOR: Well, I understand that the First Bank is already taking matters
into it's own hands - it's lawyers are currently preparing a lawsuit against
various game developers. I must also recommend that parents boycott and prevent
their children playing game series where you need to save the world, such as
Doom, Final Fantasy, Super Mario Brothers and (glowers) Metal Gear. (leans forward
into camera, yelling) ESPECIALLY THAT ONE!
The picture on the TV disappears, and camera moves back to show that Luna has
(deliberately) stood on the remote. Lisa is FUMING. Everyone else watches her
carefully.
LISA: How... how DARE they? I'm Sailor Moon, not that imposter!
JESSICA: Lisa...
LISA: I was at school all day today, not robbing banks!
LAURA: Calm down Lisa...
LISA: We have to transform and go find this imposter! (grabs brooch)
MOOON PRISIMU POWA...
LUNA: Lisa! NO! Stop her!
LUNA: Don't get carried away... don't you think this might be a trap to
lure you out?
LISA, ALLISON, JESSICA and LAURA sit around a table. There is a bag on the
table, and LUNA hides inside it so people don't see a talking cat.
Allison spreads out a map on the table.
LUNA: Everyone okay with that? There's bound to be someone in the city
center who has some idea, or who has seen the imposter recently.
LISA: Why? She can't ask people anything, she's a cat.
JESSICA (wagging finger, smug): Yes, but cats can go many places girls
can't.
LISA: Oh, of course...
LUNA (impressed): Good idea Jessica. We'll do that. Okay, lets go!
Lisa and Allison talk to SKINNER
Laura talks to the OWNER of a grocery shop. Jessica edges over to a crate of
apples, and slips a few into her pocket. Suddenly, she's lifted up into the air
- pull back to show that Laura has grabbed her collar and picked her up.
Jessica grins sheepishly. Laura clears her throat. Jessica reaches into her
pocket and pulls out the apples, putting them in the crate. Laura clears her
throat again. Jessica reaches deeper into her pocket, and pulls out a purse
that she hands to Laura.
JESSICA: Can you put me down now?
LAURA: I'm thinking about it...
Luna sits on the bar, talking to a drunk BARNEY.
BARNEY: Who me? I don't spend no time amongst sailors.
LUNA: I'm not asking if you spend time, I'm just asking if you've
seen...
BARNEY: NO! I've not been seeing any sailors, and you can't prove it, no
matter what Joel says!
LUNA: But...
MOE: Hey, if you wanna interrogate my barflies, you gotta buy something
or get out!
LUNA: Oh? Sorry. I'll have a bowl of milk.
LUNA: Eep!
Closeup of Lisa and Allison talking to Chief Wiggum.
WIGGUM: No, but don't worry about that nasty Sailor Moon little girls -
the Springfield Tank Police are here to protect you.
WIGGUM: Well, ever since things started getting weird around here, we've
needed more firepower. Criminals today are a lot more dangerous.
WIGGUM: Not until I read you your rights, jaywalker. Hey Eddie, how we
doing on the building front?
WIGGUM: Great! We're beating the Lovely Angel's record by a mile!
GUY: Look, I've told you kids a thousand times. If it's not on the
shelves or in a case, I don't have it. And that means that I am sold out of
Sailor Moon's for the moment. The only thing I have left in the store is that
limited edition Sailor V manga signed by Sailor V herself.
LAURA: No, I didn't mean...
GUY: 60 dollars.
JESSICA: I'll take it!
Luna sits on the steps, looking at a sign that reads "TONIGHT! SAILOR
SOLDIER NIGHT!"
A brief pause, then a loud outraged "YEEEEOW!" from Luna. She comes
running out of the door, chased by BELLE who is carrying a broom, and several
SHOWGIRLS wearing flashy Sailor costumes. It's the Maison Derriere burlesque
house! (episode "Bart After Dark") Luna runs to the gate, and turns
back to Belle.
Lisa and Allison sit at a table, drinking cola and having a rest.
ALLISON: Don't worry Lisa. Someone's got to know something - it's only 4
PM.
LISA: Yeah... nothing happens in
ALLISON: Urk!
MERC-ALLISON: Well, we saved him, didn't we?
MOON-LISA: Yeah.
Creepy Moon runs away, followed about 50 feet behind by Moon Lisa, and Merc
Allison about 10 feet behind her. They all make a big jump whenever they come
to a street - Creepy Moon almost seems to Teleport across, while Moon-Lisa and
Merc-Allison usually have to make several jumps to streetlamp level and off
anything else at hand - billboards and trucks for example.
LUNA (filtered): What? Good work! Where is she headed to, we'll meet you
there!
LUNA: Um... alright. We'll be right there!
MERC-ALLISON: You'd better be quick, I don't think Sailor Moon is
keeping calm about this impostor very well.
It's true, she's (quite justifiably) fuming.
The tower is deserted apart from a few lost tourists taking pictures of it. The
entire thing is made of giant popsicle (Ice Lolly for Brits) sticks, each about
4 feet long and 4 inches wide. It leans over just a little bit in the wind, but
it's light and the wind just blows though the many gaps in the walls, so it
hasn't fallen yet.
MOON-LISA: Oops... looks like I'm alone...
Merc-Allison leans against the metal wall.
The tower roof is a large open area, with large pillars at each corner. The sun
is setting now. Moon-Lisa emerges through a trap-door. She looks around, and
sees CREEPY MOON standing a few dozen feet away, still in silhouette and shadows.
CREEPY-MOON: Yes... you've come right into our trap...
Merc-Allison still stands about analyzing the metal wall. LUNA, MARS-JESSICA
and JUP-LAURA run up to her.
MERC-ALLISON: She just ran into the tower about 15 minutes ago, and then
this wall appeared before I could enter!
JUP-LAURA: Hm...
Moon-Lisa looks at the pile of gems, than at Dolphite, then at the
still-unconscious Mamoru.
MOON-LISA (spoken): Okay, I'll put them over here... (she walks over,
puts down her own Rainbow Gems, and then walks back to her previous place.) Now
let him go!
DOLPHITE: Ha ha... no way, brat!
MOON-LISA: I knew it!
DOLPHITE (looking into his eyes): Yes, and we did it together!
KEARNEYITE: Yes, we did my love...
MOON-LISA (to Kearneyite): Huh? No, no, I'm as permissive as anyone
about this kind of thing... (frank) I just think you could do a lot better than
(looks at Dolphite) this guy is all.
KEARNEYITE: This... guy...?
DOLPHITE (ever so slightly devastated): Does this mean you won't be
coming with me to the
MOON-LISA: Huh? I wonder what that was about?
DOLPHITE (glare): You! You ruined my date with Kearneyite! For that I
can't forgive you! (pose) I'm the pretty suited General (pose) of backstabbing
and bitchiness, (pose) Dolphite! (pose) In the name of the
MOON-LISA: Hey! Take that sailor uniform off and stop copying me!
DOLPHITE: Take this!
Merc-Allison, Mars-Jessica, Jup-Laura and Luna arrive on this floor via the
stairs. No more steps head up from their stairwell.
MARS-JESSICA (whining): But why can't we take the elevator Luna?
MERC-ALLISON: This tower is made of popsicle sticks. Ever see a popsicle
stick that could make a motor to lift an elevator?
MARS-JESSICA (sulky): no, but...
LUNA: Sssh, quiet! Do you want them to find us?
MERC-ALLISON: So we're trapped. (gets out computer and starts pressing
buttons)
KEARNEYITE: It's hopeless. My forcefield is impenetrable.
MARS-JESSICA: Yeah, so you say! But I'm sure Sailor Mercury can find a
way through! Right, Mercury?
MERC-ALLISON (still pressing buttons): Um... no, actually. The computer
and I have no idea how to get though.
LUNA: What? So what are you doing?
MERC-ALLISON: Getting in one more game of Tetris before I die.
JUP-LAURA: What? Are you crazy? Get back to work!
A wind is starting to blow, and with it the popsicle tower is swaying slightly.
Dolphite has created a sword made of ice and is attacking Moon-Lisa with it,
while throwing more of the magic icicles as well - Moon-Lisa doesn't have a
good weapon to use against it, so she's forced to run away.
MOON-LISA: Not... not fair! I need a weapon too!
MAMORU (OS): Stay away from the girl. Why don't you fight me?
KAMEN (slightly annoyed): It's Tuxedo Kamen! Kamen! It means Mask!
MOON-LISA (slightly disappointed but still super-happy): Tuxedo Kamen!
KAMEN (heroic): You're a brave fighter, Sailor Moon, (holds his cane up,
steps in front of Moon-Lisa) but a duel should be a fair fight fought with
equal weapons! As long as I am awake, untied, unhypnotised and can be bothered
I shall protect you!
DOLPHITE (laugh) You want to die for her? Well, I can allow that...
Merc-Allison, Mars-Jessica, Jup-Laura and Luna are still stuck in the
forcefield. It's considerably smaller now - Jup-Laura has to stoop to avoid
banging her head.
MARS-JESSICA: Let me try! FIRE... SOU...
LUNA: Do you want to incinerate us?
MARS-JESSICA: Oops... sorry...
JUP-LAURA: Hm, I guess that means I can't use my power either... I know!
JUP-LAURA: D'oh!
Moon Lisa runs over to Kamen.
Kearneyite stands near the forcefield - it's now only a few feet across, and
the 3 girls and a cat in it are huddled together. The water is now up to their
waists (they're sitting currently) Jup-Laura is using Mercury's computer.
MARS-JESSICA: Can I get the computer soon Sailor Jupiter? I want that
last game of Minesweeper.
JUP-LAURA: Hang on, I'm having my one last game of Snake...
LUNA (angry): How can you be taking this so lightly?
MERC-ALLISON: We've tried everything, Luna... we have nothing left,
unless Sailor Moon can save us...
KEARNEYITE (taunting): and she won't - she is dead now, thanks to
Dolphite (reaches out a palm - the rainbow gems are on it) You see? We have all
her gems! The
MERC-ALLISON (crying): Then this really must be the end... at least
we'll asphyxiate before we're crushed...
FEMALE VOICE (OS): CRESCENTO BEAM! 
Show the two figures - one (the male voice)
is a cat like Luna, with a yellow Crescent Moon mark on its forehead, and white
fur. (ARTEMIS - who is male in spite of his name) The other is a girl of about
14, in an orange-skirted sailor uniform, with a blue bow on the front and a
yellow on the back. Her hair is very long (knee length) and blonde, and it has
a red bow in it. She wears a large mask that covers her eyes. Mars-Jessica
recognizes her.
GIRL: Iya da. (dramatically removing mask) Atashi wa Seeraa Viinasu wa
yo!
ARTEMIS (aside, to Venus): in English, like we practiced...
GIRL (apologetic): Oh! Gomen ne... (puts mask back on) No. I am not
Sailor V... (dramatically removing mask) I am Sailor Venus!
JUP-LAURA: Sailor Venus...
LUNA: Artemis! I never thought I'd be glad to see you!
ARTEMIS (happy): Thank you Luna. (realization) Hey...
VENUS (interrupting, concerned): Seeraamuun, doko no ka?
LUNA (looking up): If my hunch is correct... the top floor...
Merc-Allison, Mars-Jessica, Jup-Laura, Venus, Luna and Artemis arrive through
the trapdoor. They see Moon-Lisa kneeling by Kamen's body.
ARTEMIS: Yes, there's our plot device!
DOLPHITE: The Ginzoushou?
Moon-Lisa watches it, and quietly stands and takes the handle of the wand.
DOLPHITE (panicking): uh... what? What?
MOON-LISA: You backstabber, you killed Tuxedo Kamen!
DOLPHITE: Hmph, he's not quite dead yet, can't you tell? I wouldn't kill
someone so valuable to our queen...
MOON-LISA: What? Well, I won't let you have him!
DOLPHITE: Well, this is cool...
DOLPHITE: What's the delay! Give me that crystal!
MARS-JESSICA: FIRE SOUL!
JUP-LAURA: SUPREIM THUNDA!
VENUS: CRESCENTO BEAM!
MOON-LISA: Okay! MOOON TIARRA ACSHUN!
All the other sailors and cats run over to her.
MARS-JESSICA (first to reach her): She's unconscious... I think she's
just sleeping.
JUP-LAURA: That's horrible! Every time I meet you
MERC-ALLISON: How can you be so callous?
KEARNEYITE: 's easy! (he starts to fade away, as does Tuxedo Kamen's
body) Self-promotion and ambition above all else, at all costs!
JUP-LAURA: And he's taken the Tuxedo guy with him!
KEARNEYITE (OS): And one last thing... that crystal would survive a fire
and a fall, but you won't.
Long shot of the entire tower from far away. A fire breaks out in the middle,
and rapidly spreads up and down the dry wood.
Everyone looks down the side of the tower.
MERC-ALLISON: There's no chance of the tower lasting more than a few
minutes! We need a fast way down and now!
MARS-JESSICA: A fast way down? Well... a little more fire won't hurt
now...
MARS-JESSICA: I'll go down first to check.
JUP-LAURA (picks up Moon-Lisa and puts her over shoulder): Okay... good
luck.
All five soldiers and two cats are here - MOON-LISA sits against a tree, still
unconscious. She is attended by MERC-ALLISON and MARS-JESSICA, with advice and
nagging from LUNA and ARTEMIS. JUP-LAURA and VENUS keep guard.
LUNA: Don't worry Lisa... we're safe.
ARTEMIS: The rest of you can turn back.
ALLISON: We don't know.
JESSICA: After you beat Dolphite, Kearnyite...
JESSICA (whisper to Laura): What was that for?
LAURA (whisper back): Do you want her to worry to death? We'll tell her
about tux-boy later!
ALLISON: When we checked on Tuxedo Kamen, he was gone. I'm sure he'll be
okay.
LAURA: Yeah, what's your name?
GIRL (Japanese accent): Ah... my name is Minako Aino, I am 14 years old
and I am in the eighth grade. My sign is Libra and my blood type is B. (bow) It
is nice to meet you at last, Sailor Senshi. I am Sailor Venus, also called
Sailor V.
LISA/ALLISON/JESSICA/LAURA: Hi.
LISA (a little depressed): We have the Ginzoushou... Are you the
princess, Minako?
MINAKO (puzzled): I... don't know. I thought one of you might be.
KEARNYITE kneels in front of BERYL's throne. TUXEDO KAMEN's body lies at the
foot of the steps to her throne.
BERYL: It was too risky... and with Dolphite gone, we need Prince
Endymion here...
LISA is sleeping in her bed. Closeup of her face - she tosses and turns,
mumbling in her sleep.
MARGE (OS): Are you awake Lisa? Did you say something?
MARGE: Oh, sorry Lisa, did I wake you? You were talking...
LISA (sigh): No, it's okay Mom...
Part 6 : A rude awakening! The ghosts of the Moon appear...
Lisa is still in bed, but she's sitting up. She talks to LUNA, but they are
muted. Lisa is a little upset.
Lisa's still in bed, Luna sitting on her bedside table. Her door opens and
JESSICA, ALLISON, LAURA, MINAKO and ARTEMIS run in. Jessica and Allison head to
either side of her bed, Laura comes to the bed at Jessica's side, and Minako
hangs back a little on Allison's side.
LAURA: We microwaved some cakes in Home Ec. today... here, you can have
the ones I made. (gives Lisa a box of cakes)
JESSICA (slightly reluctant): Here, I thought you might need something
to keep you occupied, so you can borrow my limited edition Sailor V manga
signed by Sailor V herself. (hands it over) But DON'T get any crumbs on it,
spill anything on it, fold the pages or wreck the spine, okay?
LISA: Okay, okay! Thank you Jessica!
JESSICA (sad): I know... I've just looked at the pictures.
MINAKO: If you want, I could translate and read what it says to you.
LISA: Would you? That would be great, Minako.
MINAKO (flattered): It's no problem, Lisa-chan.
JESSICA: What? I paid 60 dollars...
LAURA (interrupting): Of my money!
JESSICA (cont): ... of her money for that manga! If I find out who forged
that signature, I'll punish them in the name of collectors everywhere!
Minako stands in front of a CLASS. She wears a
CLASS (bored): Hello Aino...
MINAKO (perturbed): ah... anou...
TEACHER: Please take a seat, Ms Minako, I need to get started.
Minako sits down at Lisa's bed, and opens the manga. She scans the first few
pages.
Lisa opens the cake box.
LISA: Uh, sure.
MINAKO: Great! (eats cake) What were we talking about again?
Same shot as before, from behind Apu's counter. Luna enters and runs straight
for the Cat Fight machine.
She jumps up to the controls, and quickly hammers in the code.
CONTROL: Okay, Luna. First things first, don't panic.
LUNA (screams): I'M NOT PANICING!
CONTROL: You're telling me. That blonde woman almost broke her eggs.
LUNA: She did? Oh... hey. (quietly to self) This communication is voice
only. How did he know about her?
LUNA: Artemis? You're central control?
ARTEMIS: Uh, sorta...
LUNA: I've been taking orders from YOU all this time?
ARTEMIS: Uh, kinda...
LUNA: What about that $500 Control said it was my "duty" to
send to
ARTEMIS: Minako-chan and I got on the wrong plane, we really needed the
air-fare, honest!
LUNA (angry): Artemis...!
ARTEMIS: Yeek!
A youma is running riot here. It appears to be Hairdresser based, it's most
notable feature being the gigantic electric shaver that's attached to it's left
arm. It runs about gleefully trying to attack citizens.
LISA, MINAKO, ALLISON, JESSICA, LAURA, LUNA and ARTEMIS hide behind a ruined
wall.
LUNA: She's right. Everyone, transform now!
MINAKO: Alright! (holds pen) VENUSU POWA, MAKE UP!
The background is a black and gold starfield. We get a close-up of Minako's
hand holding the pen, before the Venus symbol on the top of the pen starts to
spin and flies toward the screen.
Shots of Minako - spinning, glowing and naked. She SPINS and WAVES the pen around
her - the top of the pen leaves a trail of stars where it goes. She then POSES,
holding the pen over her head. A ribbon of stars twirls down around her,
becoming a pool of gold light at her feet. The pool then explodes into a shower
of stars that obscures her completely.
Now she's dressed as VENUS. Camera moves up from her feet to her head as she
SPINS. Brief close-up of her face before pulling back to show all of her. POSE.
VENUS-MINAKO is still posing. Lisa, Allison, Jessica and Laura are gaping at
her. She sees the look on their faces.
LISA: It's n'nothing... um... okay, lets do it! MOOON PRISIMU POWA!
ALLISON: MURCURI POWA!
JESSICA: MARSU POWA!
LAURA: JUPITA POWA!
LISA/ALLISON/JESSICA/LAURA: MAKE UP!
MOON-LISA, MERC-ALLISON, MARS-JESSICA, JUP-LAURA and VENUS-MINAKO jump into the
middle of the road, right in the youma's path. Moon-Lisa looks thoughtful for a
moment, and scratches her head.
VENUS-MINAKO (kind): Ah, it could use a little bit more practice...
Artemis and Luna watch the scene.
All the soldiers except Moon-Lisa use their attacks simultaneously.
MARS-JESSICA: FIRE SOUL!
JUP-LAURA: SUPREIM THUNDA!
VENUS-MINAKO: CRESCENTO BEAM!
MOON-LISA: Hey, stop using meta-references! Those fourth walls are
expensive!
Closeup of Moon-Lisa's hand - she spins the Moon Wand in it, and then lowers it
to POSE with it in front of her face. Then she sticks out the wand, and SPIN
SPIN SPIN WAVE WAVE WAVE POSE.
The youma sticks it's arms and legs out in an X shape and glows brightly for a
few seconds.
Class is in session. LAURA and MINAKO sit next to each other. All of the CLASS
look up as the PRINCIPAL'S VOICE comes over the PA system.
MINAKO: Yes, it does!
Class is in session. LISA and ALLISON sit next to each other. All of the CLASS
look up as PRINCIPAL SKINNER'S VOICE comes over the PA system.
MS HOOVER: Sounds like an improvement.
ALLISON: Yes, it does!
SKINNER (OS): Dang right it is! Mommy!
Class is in session, the usual suspects are here. All of the CLASS look up as
PRINCIPAL SKINNER'S VOICE comes over the PA system.
JESSICA (to self): This sounds like a job for the Sailor Sold... oh
wait, it's not. (turns to MILHOUSE) This is one of your ones.
MILHOUSE: What? Aw nuts... but I hate Eva's, fighting, NERVOUS, my dad,
bitch bitch bitch whine whine whine...
KRABAPPEL : Just nod and sneak out already Milhouse!
It's early morning, still a little dark. MOON-LISA, MERC-ALLISON, MARS-JESSICA,
JUP-LAURA, VENUS-MINAKO, LUNA and ARTEMIS walk down the street. Merc-Allison
has her visor down and is working on her computer.
MERC-ALLISON: I'm trying to track it right now...
APU comes out of the back door carrying a sack of garbage, and chucks it in the
dumpster. There is a flash of black light and a spooky wail. He doesn't look
that fazed.
MERC-ALLISON: Why not?
MARS-JESSICA: Because it's a dumpster, of course!
LUNA: Oh don't be such a baby, Sailor Mars. There's no trash in there,
just a mysterious portal to terra incognita.
VENUS-MINAKO: Yes, have a little more bravery!
JUP-LAURA: Oh yes you are! (picks up Mars-Jessica)
MARS-JESSICA: Hey!
There is a flash of light near the ceiling, and Mars-Jessica appears, falling
to the ground.
Everyone walks along, following Merc-Allison and her computer.
A vast snowfield, in the middle of a blizzard. A plume of black smoke is
visible in the distance.
MOON-LISA: Where are we, Mercury?
MERC-ALLISON: According to my computer's GPS, we're somewhere in the
arctic circle!
MOON-LISA: Then... that smoke must be coming from the
KEARNEYITE (OS): That's right, Sailor Moon.
JUP-LAURA: Like hell you will! SUPREIM THUNDA!
KEARNEYITE: I'll give you a chance, kids. Sailor Moon! Give me the
Ginzoushou now and I'll spare your lives!
MOON-LISA: You must be kidding! After all the problems and weirdness
I've had over the past few months, there's no way I'm giving up now! Tell me what
you've done with Tuxedo Kamen!
KEARNEYITE (dramatic): You will be sent flying uncontrollably though
time... you could end up
MERC-ALLISON: We could warn the
MARS-JESSICA: We could lie in wait at the Grassy Knoll for anyone with a
rifle!
JUP-LAURA: We could warn Sega about Bernie Stolar!
ARTEMIS: We could sit under Bill Gates' chair and make farting noises
while he brokers his first deal with IBM!
LUNA (resigned): Somehow I suspect you would do that Artemis...
KEARNEYITE: Stop using logic! Get out of here!
You know the drill. Clocks, pendulums, E=MC2, other weird stuff. The 5 soldiers
and 2 cats fall through this weirdo wonderland. Screen fades to white as they
fall into regular time.
Everyone lies on a round platform surrounded by a glass wall. We can also see
the legs of a table. Moon-Lisa stirs.
GOKU'S HEAD : I'm Goku, a Super-duper Saiyin and great warrior!
MOON-LISA: Warrior? But you're just a head in a jar!
GOKU'S HEAD : Hey, I can still kick anyone's ass, even though I don't
have any legs. It's a shame I don't have much of a brain, that and my jaws are
all I have left.
FRY : We'll finally be rid of him.
LEELA : Sounds good to me.
PROF : No, and since they shouldn't be there that means they can't be
there. Stop hallucinating Fry.
We appear to be on the outskirts of a ruined city. Fallen pillars, arches and
rubble are everywhere. Moon-Lisa, Merc-Allison, Mars-Jessica, Jup-Laura,
Venus-Minako, Luna, Artemis and Goku's head appear on a raised platform. The
Moon Wand lands next to Moon-Lisa.
Everyone gets up.
MOON-LISA: It seems familiar...
LUNA: Oh my... we're on the moon! This is the site of the
ARTEMIS (awed): I never thought I would see it again...
A wide field in front of the main palace flanked with pillars, now a barren
wasteland. The soldiers and cats walk thought it on the way to the palace.
LUNA: It's a long and painful story, Sailor Moon... you see...
MOON-LISA: What? Where?
A ghostly image is walking among the flowers some distance away. It is a girl
of about 14, wearing a long and fancy white dress. She has an unusual hairstyle
- a ball of hair on either side of her head, and a long ponytail coming down
from each ball. She also has a crescent-moon mark on her forehead similar to
Luna's. It's clearly the first girl from Mamoru's dream. She stoops, and picks
a flower.
Luna looks at her in shock, she hasn't seen this girl in centuries.
Serenity looks at the flower she's just picked. Another ghostly figure, a man
in light armor with a sword at his waist approaches her, his back to the
camera. She looks up him with a smile, and then both the ghosts disappear just
as Luna gets there.
LUNA: That was Princess Serenity... the girl we've been looking for!
MERC-ALLISON: My computer says she was just an illusion.
There are dozens of ghostly figures in here, dancing in a waltz. All the men
are dressed in tuxedos and wear masks like Tuxedo Kamen's, all the women wear
dresses similar to Serenity's. The soldiers and cats silently pass though the
hall, subconsciously splitting into two groups. Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison
follow Luna up the main staircase. Mars-Jessica, Jup-Laura and Venus-Minako
follow Artemis into a passageway on this level.
ARTEMIS (voiceover): Their purpose was to protect the earth, and help it
evolve. They were also the protectors of the Silver Plot Device.
Artemis leads his group along as they explore the palace. Suddenly Mars-Jessica
gasps, and points along the corridor.
ARTEMIS: They're your past selves - the princesses of Mars and Jupiter,
and bodyguards of Serenity. Don't they bring back any memories?
JUP-LAURA: Not really. Should they?
Luna leads her group along.
MOON-LISA: I'm sure. That's a hairstyle I would remember.
LUNA: Hm. It's just worrying... (stops walking, depressed) we really
should have her by now.
MERC-ALLISON: Don't worry about that Luna. I'm sure we'll find her very
soon.
LUNA: That was the Silver Millennium's Sailor Mercury, your past self.
MERC-ALLISON: My past self? But she doesn't look anything like me!
MOON-LISA: Huh?
The room is a library. There is an old wooden table, and a GIRL of about 8
years sits at it, reading a thick book. She wears the same kind of dress as
Serenity, and looks REMARKABLY like Lisa. Moon-Lisa, Merc-Allison and Luna
stare at the scene.
LEITHA: I finished the assignment.
MOON-LISA (confused): I can remember something... but it's unclear...
Luna, what is this?
LUNA: Long ago, before the
QUEEN SERENITY sits on the throne. She looks just like Princess Serenity but
older, and she has white hair in the same style.
The throne room is packed with people, but they leave a narrow path from the
door to the throne.
The shot shows a large grass courtyard. Artemis, Mars-Jessica, Jup-Laura and
Venus-Minako stand at the far end, in the background.
JUP-LAURA (watching fight): You could have fooled me.
ARTEMIS: I suppose you must have forgotten, Venus. Anyway, the new
Princess proved to be extremely intelligent, devoted and a fast learner... but
since she was really a commoner, she had a very bad grasp of magic. That'll be
why Sailor Moon can't use the Ginzoushou, maybe.
Luna, Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison come out of a passageway, onto a long balcony
overlooking the gardens. A ghostly Princess Serenity is here. She looks up at
the Earth in the sky longingly.
VOICE (male, OS): Princess Serenity!
MOON-LISA: Tuxedo Kamen!
ENDYMION (to Serenity): I'm sorry I am late for the masquerade ball...
SERENITY: Yes, I missed you...
ENDYMION: Unfortunately, a major problem has come up. Beryl has
possessed many people from my planet - she is taking advantage of their lust
for your immortality, and she will use them to attack the Moon soon...
SERENITY: I see... (to self, lovestruck) Wow, it's all so hard boiled
and romantic!
ENDYMION: Do you believe me?
SERENITY (lovestruck): Of, of course I do. Prince Endymion...
ENDYMION: Princess Serenity...
MOON-LISA (annoyed): Huh? No, not at all!
MERC-ALLISON (sly): You are jealous!
MOON-LISA (annoyed): Hey! I told you I'm not!
Artemis, Mars-Jessica, Jup-Laura and Venus-Minako have gathered in a room. Two
ghosts are here - Princess Leitha, and PRINCESS ALYSSA. Alyssa wears a similar
white dress to Leitha's, and has long brown hair down past her shoulders...
ARTEMIS: I think she's Princess Alyssa, from Mercury. She was Sailor
Mercury's little sister, if I remember correctly.
JACINTHA: But sis... do I have to? I want to come to the ball too!
MARS-JESSICA: It's me!
GHOST-MARS: We already told you, you're too young. Now have fun with
Leitha and Alyssa until mother comes to get you.
MARS-JESSICA: Excuse me? Were?
The ballroom is now devoid of ghosts. Luna's group has found their way back
inside, and now stand at the foot of the main stairs. They head upstairs, and
meet Artemis' group coming out of the door leading to the tower. The two groups
stand on a balcony that overlooks the ballroom.
VENUS-MINAKO: You'd never believe the things we've seen, Sailor Moon...
MERC-ALLISON: Same with us. Sailor Moon was an adopted princess here!
MARS-JESSICA: She wasn't the only princess, Mercury...
MERC-ALLISON: Was that me?
JACINTHA: Oh, don't be such a baby. We're not going to get punished for
just looking, are we?
LEITHA: I guess not... hey, can anyone see Prince Endymion down there?
ALYSSA (looking): No... he's not there.
LEITHA: Aww...
JACINTHA: Don't tell me you still have a crush on that earthling? You do
know he's in love with your sister, right?
LEITHA: He is not!
ALYSSA: Ah, the wonderful power of denial...
JACINTHA: Come on Leitha, there's lots of other guys down there.
ALYSSA: Yeah. Like that prince from Uranus!
LEITHA: Who? Oooh... yeah, he is pretty handsome...
VOICE (female, OS): Hey, what are you girls doing here?
JUP-LAURA: I was wondering when I would turn up.
JACINTHA: Leora! I can explain... uh, Leitha thought it would be...
LEITHA: Hey!
LEORA: Hey, don't worry... I'm not going to tell you off. I just came up
to get away from the party. (she leans against the rail, and sighs) Frankly,
it'll be nice to talk to someone who doesn't just want me to introduce them to my
sister.
JACINTHA: I know what you mean. My sis gets to have all this cool
magical training to control fire, but they won't let me even let me touch it.
She's always bossing me around too
ALYSSA: I really like my big sister, but she's always talking down to me
because I'm younger. I'd know as much as her if I was as old as her.
LEITHA: Serenity's really nice, but she's not that smart and she's so
idle... but she gets to use the Ginzoushou, and she gets to have Endymion fall
in love with her. It's not fair.
ALYSSA: Yeah.
JACINTHA: Yeah.
LEORA : Yeah.
ARTEMIS (grim): I have my suspicions... and they're not good. (glares at
Luna)
LUNA (ignoring him): Sssh. It's about to start.
MOON-LISA: Huh? What's starting?
VOICE (Luna, OS): Queen Serenity! Queen Serenity!
GHOST-ARTEMIS: The British are coming! The British are coming! Uh... I
mean... the Earthlings are coming!
QUEEN SERENITY: What do they want?
GHOST-ARTEMIS: I'm not quite sure your highness, but they've brought a
flag.
GHOST-MARS: I don't know! Didn't you keep an eye on her?
GHOST-VENUS: We're all supposed to keep an eye on her!
GHOST-MARS: Well, did you?
GHOST-VENUS: No! Did you?
GHOST-JUPITER: Will you two calm down? This isn't helping.
GHOST-MERCURY: She's right. We have to find Serenity now!
A ghostly army of EARTHLINGS approaches, led by BERYL. Behind her are KUNZITE,
ZOISITE, NEPHRITE, JADEITE, KEARNEYITE, DOLPHITE, NELSONITE, and JIMBOITE.
A shot of the entire palace from outside. Purple lightning crackles above it
for a moment, before the castle is subjected to a massive bombardment of
magical energy. Walls and towers crumble immediately.
All 4 ghost Soldiers look up as the ceiling collapses on them.
Everyone is screaming and running. The balcony that the girls were standing on
buckles and crumbles, sending them all flying. As Moon-Lisa starts to fall, the
Ginzoushou once again glows brightly, and all of the living people disappear.
Leitha is thrown off the disintegrating balcony, landing on her back on the
ballroom floor. She groans, looks up... and sees a huge chunk of masonry falling
toward her. Leitha braces herself...
A wide path along the top of the walls. This part of the palace is still mostly
intact, but there seems to be a strong updraft outside the walls that is
sweeping debris up into the air. There is a flash, before Moon-Lisa,
Merc-Allison, Mars-Jessica, Jup-Laura, Venus-Minako, Luna and Artemis appear.
They all appear disoriented for a moment, and look around at the devastation.
Moon-Lisa turns to see the main part of the palace collapse, and runs over to
the edge of the wall to look.
LUNA (quiet): I'm sorry... I don't know.
MERC-ALLISON (shocked): The end of the Silver Millennium came... so
quickly...
LUNA: No, it's not really over yet.
ENDYMION (to Beryl): Beryl! If you lay one finger on the Princess,
you'll pay dearly.
BERYL: Think it over, Endymion. You are the Prince of the Earth. Why
betray your people for the selfish people of the
ENDYMION: I will not betray Serenity and the
BERYL: SILENCE! I'll just kill both of you!
MOON-LISA: COREY... I mean, ENDYMION!
ARTEMIS: Now, it's really over.
MOON-LISA: Oh God, I hope it is. (to Ginzoushou) Please don't show us
any more. I don't want to stand helplessly while we watch more people die. Send
us home...
Everyone falls though the
The Moon Wand falls from the sky. As it hits the ground, there is a flash from
the Ginzoushou, and suddenly MOON-LISA, MERC-ALLISON, MARS-JESSICA, JUP-LAURA,
VENUS-MINAKO, LUNA and ARTEMIS are standing beside the dumpster. They look
around for a moment, disoriented. Luna gets her wits about her quickly, and walks
a few paces toward the street.
JUP-LAURA: Back in
MOON-LISA: It's over...
MARS-JESSICA: But... what did any of it mean, really? We saw the past...
and we were there...
LUNA: I can explain it.
MOON-LISA: You can? What did it mean?
LUNA (furious): I mean, Lisa, you are not Princess Serenity! You may
have shared enough of the Queen's power to become Sailor Moon, but you will
never be able to use the Ginzoushou! Never! (looks at other soldiers) The same
goes for you other girls!
MOON-LISA (shocked): What do you mean...
MERC-ALLISON (shocked): We're not the right girls?
ARTEMIS: Not quite... Minako... you are the real Sailor Venus.
VENUS-MINAKO: I am? Why only me?
ARTEMIS: Because you were found by me. When Luna made her mistake with
Lisa, it snowballed and Allison, Jessica and Laura got caught up too. (glares
at Luna) You suspected this once you found Lisa couldn't use the Ginzoushou at
the popsicle tower, didn't you Luna?
LUNA (snapping at Artemis): Oh keep out of this, Artemis! So you finally
got something right for once. At least I never got any of the girls I found
(yelling) BURNT AT THE STAKE!
LUNA: We do need her, and you are not taking another step toward our
enemy! You cannot use the Ginzoushou, you cannot defeat Beryl, and these girls
will not be powerful enough to help you! You would die for nothing!
MOON-LISA (yelling): But we can defeat the
LUNA: OVER MY DEAD BODY!
JESSICA: What the?
LAURA: Huh?
LISA: LUNA! What are you...
LUNA: There's no way I can allow you to go near the
LISA (taken aback): You're leaving? Just like that? But... you know we
can help! We can do it, believe me!
LUNA (sad): I must go now, we don't have much time and... I should go
before I cause any more damage around here... I'm... I'm sorry to have wasted
your time over the past few months, Lisa. P-please don't hate me... goodbye!
Allison and Jessica move to follow her, but Laura holds them back.
Lisa runs up the front path and into the house, slamming the door behind her.
Lisa runs in and slams the door behind her, before sitting against it.
Somehow Minako has managed to live by herself in this apartment. She sits at a
table, and Artemis lies on the table.
ARTEMIS: <She didn't get
angry at us, Minako-chan. She's angry at herself, and frustrated. Do you have
any idea how long she has been looking for Serenity? >
MINAKO: <No...>
ARTEMIS: <Neither does
she, and I know I don't have a clue. But she's so dedicated, and she can be
stubborn... I just hope we have enough time left before the
MINAKO: <How is Luna doing
anyway? >
ARTEMIS: <I persuaded her
to spend the night here before we leave tomorrow. She's sleeping in your room
now. >
MINAKO (sigh): <So we're
going on the road again, I guess...>
It's still day, but the curtains are drawn and it's fairly dark in here. Luna
lies on a rug on the floor, asleep. The brooch, pens, communicators and
computer lie beside her. But Luna shivers in her sleep... zoom in to her
head...
Side view of Luna running along a street, with a white fence in the background.
An image of Moon-Lisa, Merc-Allison and Mars-Jessica appears over her head.
LUNA: Lisa... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!
Zoom back out from Luna's head. She's still not sleeping peacefully. The door
opens a crack, and a SHADOW sneaks in. It creeps over to Luna...
SHADOW (female, quiet): Softly, softly... sneaky, sneaky...
Lisa's attempt to study has failed. She sits at her desk, trying to read the
Sailor V manga. She traces her finger along the hiragana lettering.
LAURA: Well, love and justice would be nice.
JESSICA: There's some punishing to do, and I'm lazy.
ALLISON: We want our leader back, Lisa.
MINAKO: Here. I took them back from Luna.
LAURA: Are you thinking about what Luna said?
LISA: Yes. I can't use the Ginzoushou.
ALLISON: Who said you could never? I saw you use it.
ALLISON: You asked the Ginzoushou to send us home. It did.
LISA: That wasn't a use!
LAURA: It did exactly what you asked it to.
LISA: Okay... MAYBE the Ginzoushou did respond to me... but it might
have been about to send us home anyway! And I don't want to be Sailor Moon
anyway!
LISA: Huh? (lie) I didn't! That's been on my desk for days.
JESSICA: There are salty water-stains all over it. Someone's used their
hands to wipe away tears, and then ran their hands all over the speech bubbles.
(closes manga) I may have to kill you for this, but that can wait.
ALLISON: Are you sure you don't want to be Sailor Moon?
LISA: But I'm not Sailor Moon! My "sister" Serenity should be!
We're the understudies, the backup princesses they never expected to use!
MINAKO: I don't remember the real princesses well. I'm sure they're
great people, and we'd be friends. But you are the Sailor Soldiers who are here
now, and I have spent enough time with you all to believe you can do it!
LISA: Kinda...
LAURA: Freedom?
LISA: Of course.
ALLISON: Truth?
LISA: Yes!
MINAKO: Love?LISA (hesitant): Love? I... don't know. I've never really been in
love... (embarrassed) All I've ever had is silly crushes...
MINAKO: What is wrong with that? A crush is what love is before it's
diluted by adult ideas like money, responsibility, realism and... (cough) other
things.
LISA: Oh? Well... then... Yes! I do!
JESSICA: Then what's the problem? You're a Sailor Soldier!
LAURA: You can't fool us by pretending not to care, Lisa!
ALLISON: You're a soldier and you're our leader!
JESSICA: Because we're coming.
LISA: (pose) And in the name of the Moon, (pose)
ALLISON: And Mercury, (pose)
MINAKO: And Venus, (pose)
JESSICA: And Mars, (pose)
LAURA: And Jupiter, (pose)
ALL : We'll punish you! (pose, pose)
HOMER: Hey! Keep it down up there!
LISA: Aww... (yell) Daaad, would you stop embarrassing me in front of my
friends? (spoken) Uh, sorry guys. Anyway, lets go!
EXT: BENCH IN THE PARK
It's early evening. LISA, JESSICA, LAURA and MINAKO sit on the bench, talking.
LAURA: I'm ready to go.
JESSICA: But, where's Allison?
LISA: She said she had to go talk to some people...
JESSICA: What about?
LISA: I don't know... wouldn't say.
Part 7a : Assault on the
ALLISON: I'm sorry... but I can't. Something has come up. But I promise,
I'm going to be right back, okay? I'm sure I will.
BIYOMON : But do I have to stay here? I want to come with you!
ALLISON: Sorry Biyomon, but you can't... don't worry, okay? I won't be
gone long.
BIYOMON (sad): Okay.
ALLISON: I'll see you later...
BART: Bye... stay safe, okay Allison?
MILHOUSE: Yeah. Be careful.
ALLISON: I will. Bye!
LISA: I see.
JESSICA: So were you having a last meeting with your sweetheart?
ALLISON (embarrassed): Wha? What do you mean, sweetheart?
JESSICA: Maybe it's just my fangirl gene, but I thought I detected a
little Barison there...
LAURA: Barison? (leans toward Allison) Oh?
MINAKO (leaning): Oh?
LISA (leaning): Oh?
ALLISON: Barison? (turns red, tries to hide) No... nothing like that!
Really!
JESSICA: Really? Oh well. Could have been worse, it could have been Barbles.
LAURA (changing subject): Anyway... what were you talking about then,
Allison?
ALLISON: Oh... not a lot... I just wanted to say bye to them... um... in
case.
MINAKO (startled ): In case of?
ALLISON: You know... in case we... make mistakes.
LISA: oh...
JESSICA: Yeah. Nothing's going to happen to us anyway.
LAURA: Yup. I'm already planning for when we get back - I think I might
give Jimbo one last try!
LISA: All the same... it is pretty high odds we're going up against. Our
trip though time showed us what happened last time the Sailor Soldiers and the
MINAKO: They had the element of surprise that time though, Lisa-chan.
This time, we're on the attack! As the saying goes, it's a game of two halves!
ALLISON: I don't think that phrase is really appropriate for this
situation.
JESSICA: Yeah, it's usually 4 quarters in this country.
LAURA: Or 3 periods.
MINAKO: Oh... well, anyway. Now that we're all here...
ARTEMIS (OS): It's time for you to get going.
ARTEMIS: I'm here to see you girls off. I'm sorry, but from this point
on Luna and I won't be able to help you much.
LISA: Luna... is she...
ARTEMIS: She's still sleeping at Minako's apartment, Lisa. Don't be
discouraged by what she told you... the truth is she's just worried about you.
LUNA still runs along.
Luna is lying on the rug but quickly sits up, screaming. She sits, looking
around the room and panting to herself.
Artemis is telling the girls his plan.
LISA: Ah...
A closeup of Jessica's hand, holding the pen.
Closeup of Minako's hand holding her pen.
Camera does a closeup of her feet, and moves up to her head as she SPINS. As it
passes up her, the stars peel off as the camera passes over, revealing she's
now dressed as Sailor Venus. Brief close-up of her face before pulling back to
show all of her. She poses, with one arm behind her back and the other straight
up.
Lisa sticks her hand up in front of the camera.
Extreme closeup of her face, so all we can see is her eyes. She blinks a few
times , then moves away, SPINNING AWAY from the camera. She loops back toward
us and we get a closeup of her torso - the brooch glows and so does her dress,
before it re-shapes itself into the white suit. Lisa spins again and the camera
moves up to her head - she crosses her arms in front of it, and her gloves
appear. Don't ask me why the nails get painted when she's about to cover them
with gloves. Quick pan down to her feet, where her shoes glow and grow to cover
her legs up to her knees.
Quick pan up - the skirt and bows appear. Lisa twirls once again and the camera
moves up to her face. The tiara appears. Lisa moves back into the foreground
and does her POSE - hand on hip, other hand giving a salute by her eye.
MOON-LISA, MERC-ALLISON, MARS-JESSICA and VENUS-MINAKO stand off to the left,
still in their poses. Laura is still not transformed. The soldiers break their
poses, and turn to her.
Closeup of Laura's hand holding her pen.
The other soldiers are pretty shocked.
JUP-LAURA: Heh he. I wanted to try that at least one time.
MARS-JESSICA: But... that's private places in a public place! Wasn't it
embarrassing?
JUP-LAURA: Yeah, but it doesn't matter. It's not like there was anyone
around to see it.
Bart and Milhouse hide in the bushes, with shocked looks on their faces.
BART (awed): Yeah...
Lisa looks around at the others, and down at herself.
MERC-ALLISON: Nobody is, it's okay to be nervous...
MOON-LISA: No, it's not that. It's just that... I'm not Sailor Moon. I'm
wearing her costume and I'm using her powers, but I'm not her. So when we do
this, I'd prefer it if you called me Lisa... Okay?
LAURA: I will, Lisa. And you should call me Laura too.
ALLISON: I'm Allison.
JESSICA: Jessica.
MINAKO: Please, call me Minako.
LISA: You too, Minako? But... you're really Sailor Venus...
MINAKO (smile): I told you... I am with you girls here.
ARTEMIS: Very well.
All 5 girls stand in a circle holding each other's hands. They have their eyes
closed and appear to be concentrating.
The lumps of earth float back to the ground, settling awkwardly in the holes
they left.
LUNA (OS): ARTEMIS! You idiot!
ARTEMIS: She will defeat Beryl. I'm sure.
It's snowing. Closeup of LISA, JESSICA and MINAKO. They're rubbing their arms.
JESSICA: Whose job was it to bring the fur coats?
MINAKO: I think it was yours, Jessica-chan.
JESSICA: Huh? I thought it was Laura's.
ALLISON: Well, did anyone here bring fur coats?
LISA/JESSICA/LAURA/MINAKO: No.
JESSICA: Don't be an idiot! (points offscreen) THAT'S obviously the
base!
MINAKO: Bless you.
Beryl's crystal ball shows the girls walking.
KEARNEYITE (appearing): I'll get rid of them.
BERYL: No... you stay here for now Kearneyite.
The girls march though the blizzard. They pass 5 giant ice cubes, each with a
frozen DD Girl inside.
LISA: No wonder they froze to death. (achoo!)
JESSICA: Bless you.
Beryl looks miffed.
SHEANA: We specialize in Violence,
JENNY: Angst,
FIONA: Torture,
MEL: and Death!
CHRIS: We will kill the Sailor Soldiers, and then we will write stories
about it and get rave reviews at the Groening Fanworks Central. (tacky plug -
www.simpworks.com)
JENNY: Except for me. My story will be really bad and nobody will want
to read it, it'll suck.
MEL: I suck all the time anyway...
SHEANA: Quiet you.
The soldiers are still marching. Allison stops in her tracks.
LISA: Something's coming! Get ready!
LISA: Tuxedo Kamen!
LAURA: Don't you think this could be a trap?
LISA: but he's... (looks closely) No, you're right.
CHRIS: You're right. In this snowfield, you cannot defeat us!
JESSICA (running forward): Yeah? Well I know what works really well
against snow and ice! FIRE...
All the girls gasp. Jessica looks around anxiously.
LAURA: SUPREIM...
MINAKO: CRESCENTO...
LAURA: Damn!
JESSICA: Don't worry about me, just go and defeat Beryl! I'll be fine!
BERYL (OS): SFWC Girls! Use Thunder Shock!
JESSICA (to youmas): You think coming up here keeps you safe? You'll
regret coming anywhere near me! FIRE... SOUL!
Jessica is trapped halfway inside the pillar, several feet from the ground. She
looks severely battered, and is near death.
ALLISON/LAURA/MINAKO: JESSICA!
JESSICA: Don't worry, Lisa... you have to go fight Beryl...
LISA: What! We won't leave you!
JESSICA: Damn it Lisa... let me be selfless... for once...
LISA: NO!
JESSICA: I'll never admit I liked you Lisa, but it's been fun...
Lisa kneels by the pillar, still crying. Minako walks up to her.
LISA: Why... why Jessica? She's just a little girl, and now... heck,
I'm... WE'RE all just kids... what are we thinking, we can't win...
MINAKO: Do NOT talk like that, Lisa!
LAURA: Yeah! We have to get the
LISA: But...
MINAKO: Sailor Moon! Nigero!
Part 7b : Suddenly we're in a darkfic! Couldn't you have warned us in advance?
MINAKO (panicked): Baka!! Tobe, tobe!!
ALLISON: We can't...
MINAKO (slightly less panicked): I said go! If you give up now, I'll
never forgive you! Don't dare betray my trust!
LISA: But Mina... urk!
The coils drag Minako down into the hole in the ice.
Chris, Mel, Fiona and Jenny hold Minako under here.
CHRIS: Huh? Oh shimat...
MINAKO: BEAM!
Bright light shines out of the hole where Minako was taken and a gigantic
pillar of ice rises from it. Minako is in the center of the ice, wrapped in the
branches of a tree. She's already dead.
Laura is still running toward the
LAURA: Lisa, she told us to run! We have to go!
LISA: But... Minako's dead! Damnit, when did this become a snuff fic?
She was the only actual Sailor Soldier we had as well! If she's dead... what
chance do we have?
LAURA: None at all while we stand here and let them catch us!
LAURA: Yeah.
ALLISON: Wait! We're going about this wrong.
LISA: Huh? What do you mean, Allison? (achoo!)
ALLISON: Bless you. I mean, we need a strategy if we're going to
succeed. (to Laura) Laura, from this point on your more powerful magic is more
important. (to Lisa) Lisa, you're the only one who can stop Beryl. I'll stay
here and defeat those youmas, or at least distract them.
LAURA: Allison...
LISA: Allison! No! I can't leave you here to die!
ALLISON: I won't die, silly! (wink) I've got a plan. Trust me, Lisa.
LISA: Allison...
Lisa and Laura say bye and leave Allison in a series of still pictures.
Laura leads Lisa away from Allison.
Allison smiles as she watches them go.
They're quite far away in the distance...
She gets out the computer.
Through the visor we can see the remaining 3 SFWC girls flying toward Allison.
Allison works on her computer.
ALLISON (thinking): This computer interfaces with parts of my uniform,
and can detect things no other computer in the world could... it must
have some powerful magical components. Its taken months to get this far, but I
think I've figured out how to tap them...
ALLISON: You think you're the only ones who can use illusions, traps and
tricks? Well, prepare yourselves!
EMERGENCY
DEFENCE
{exit/(disable)/}
initializing mercury[Tera].BIN
initializing mercury[Tera].JY
Commencing KPRO.697
{ANNIHILATE}...............
SYSTEM DEFENCE.......
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
INITIALISED
They fly toward Allison with predatory grins on their faces.
The computer floats out of Allison's hands, and hovers in the air in front of her.
A wind starts to blow.
Their sadistic grins become looks of fear, as they try to pull up and avoid
smashing into the forcefield. They manage it, but only just.
Allison looks pretty happy about this.
Allison looks around and up, seeing Mel flying above her. She points at Mel, and
taps on the computer keyboard with her other hand.
Allison seems enthused by this.
Lisa and Laura watch the fight from a hill some distance away. They're awed.
LAURA: Yeah... (turns) come on!
Jenny and Fiona eventually manage to lose the arrows, and fly up next to each
other.
FIONA: Yes. You distract her, I'll get inside.
FIONA: DIE!
FIONA: Huh?
FAKE-ALLISON (smile at Jenny): Sorry guys...
ALLISON: I guess I... miscalculated... IIAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Laura is pulling Lisa along by the hand when they hear Allison's screams. Lisa
falls to the ground, and Laura turns to look at her.
LAURA: Allison...
LISA: Laura... Allison's dead!
Allison's dead body lies on the snow. Mel slowly walks away from it, headed for
the last 2 soldiers.
BIYOMON flaps up to Allison's body.
Lisa is still shocked.
LAURA: But just as intelligent as someone double my age. She knew
exactly what could happen to her if she came with us, but she didn't care. All
she cared about was what happened to you.
LISA: Laura...
LISA: Why? Why did you have to come?
LISA: Stop that Laura! I'm not the princess! (worried) Just... just
please turn around and go home, before something else happens, okay? I'll
defeat the
LAURA: I wouldn't be much of a guardian if ran away now. Lisa, you are
the only one who can defeat Sin... daah, I mean Beryl. You need to save your
strength for her.
LISA: But, but you're not a guardian, because I'm not the princess!
LAURA (smile): Well if you don't like guardian, how about babysitter?
Your parents do pay me pretty well, it would be irresponsible of me to abandon
you now.
LISA: What?
LAURA: What was that about?
Mel has Laura trapped in her coils, and is electrocuting her. Laura screams.
Lisa tries to dig into the mountain, but isn't making much progress.
KEARNEYITE (OS): Feeling alone? Isolated?
LISA: but...
KEARNEYITE: They would have followed you into the jaws of death. And
that's exactly where you took 'em.
LISA: but I...
KEARNEYITE: I wonder what they will say to you in the afterlife after I
kill you?
GHOST-MINAKO (angry): And after I was so sure you could do it? You've
really betrayed me, Lisa!
GHOST-JESSICA (dismissive): Hmph. I should have known she wouldn't be
able to hack it.
LISA: but I didn't mean... I never thought it could end this way...
LISA: You promise?
KEARNEYITE: I promise.
Mel is still shocking Laura. But Laura has both hands free.
Lisa puts her hand on the Ginzoushou again, and starts to take it off the Moon
Wand... but the hill behind her starts cracking with electricity.
KEARNEYITE: Huh?
KEARNEYITE: You see? She must have struggled too hard. It's just you
left now. Don't fight like she did - give me the Ginzoushou and I will spare
you.
The energy blade is reflected back toward Kearneyite - he tries to draw his
cape around him, but it passes through his cape and into him.
Some distance away from Laura's pillar. Lisa sits on the snow, her head resting
on her knees. She's crying.
ALLISON (OS): Bless you.
LISA: Huh?
GHOST-MINAKO: You only lose when you give up.
GHOST-JESSICA (frowning, arms crossed): If you can get me punished for
stealing a collection plate, you can damn well punish these creeps for killing
us and trying to conquer the galaxy.
GHOST-LAURA (scolding): Jessica, I thought we were going to be nice...
GHOST-JESSICA: Ah, so I'm not nice. (smiles at Lisa)
GHOST-LAURA: I told you before...
GHOST-MINAKO: We're going to be with you here. We're your guardians.
GHOST-ALLISON: Why the surprise, Lisa?
LISA: I don't know... (nervous) You seem somewhat happy for a bunch of
dead people...
GHOST-ALLISON: Of course. We can't afford to send you on a guilt trip
now.
GHOST-JESSICA: We're saving that for after the
GHOST-LAURA (raising fist): Jessica...
GHOST-JESSICA: Alright alright, it was just a joke! (to Lisa) Come on.
We need to get going!
GHOST-MINAKO: Remember what they say, Lisa-chan! "Old soldiers
never die, they just flake away."
GHOST-ALLISON: Ah... I don't think that's the right phrase, Minako.
GHOST-MINAKO: Oh? Sorry...
GHOST-JESSICA: Though given who's saying it, flake might be appropriate.
GHOST-MINAKO: Thank you, Jessica. (thinks for a moment, realization)
HEY!
LISA stands at the foot of the crater, and looks up at it.
Lisa pulls herself up over the edge, and sits panting on the ledge.
Part 8a : A final fight clone? I'd rather play Another Story.
Lisa's ball floats through the nearly empty throne room. All the youmas are
gone and only Beryl remains. She sits on her throne, half shrouded in shadows.
The ball deposits Lisa a dozen meters from Beryl's throne.
LISA (looking at her oddly, gets up): You're Queen Beryl? You brought me
here?
BERYL: Correct.
LISA (whistle): Well, I guess that it explains it then...
BERYL (confused, eyebrow raises): Explains what?
LISA: Well, you just transported me past a grueling climb and an army of
monsters that would definitely have weakened me to the point of exhaustion, at
least! Never mind your maze-like network of caverns that would have taken me
hours to negotiate...
BERYL: So?
LISA: Well, I'd always wondered where those stupid, stupid youmas were
getting it from.
LISA: Hey, don't worry about it too much, at least you're consistent...
BERYL: Grr! I was going to offer to let you live in exchange for the
Ginzoushou, but now you can forget it! Endymion! Kill her and take the Silver
Plot Device!
ENDYMION: Who is Tuxedo Kamen? I am Prince Endymion of the
LISA: No... (tries harder) I will save Tuxedo Kamen!
BERYL: Kill her, Endymion!
LISA: Aaagh!
BERYL: I've already told you, that is futile!
LISA: Tuxedo Kamen? (to self) It's working!
ENDYMION (slowly stepping forward : Sailor Moon... I... I...
ENDYMION: I think you're a fool.
MAGGIE sits on the couch. She glares at the camera.
SUBTITLE: It seems even she can be an idiot.
Endymion reaches out and grabs Lisa's neck in one hand. He lifts her off the
ground. She drops the Moon Wand in surprise.
ENDYMION: I am not Tuxedo Kamen! I am Endymion, future King of the
ENDYMION (yelling): WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU FOR THE SCREAMS!
BERYL: I SAID KNOCK IT OFF!
ENDYMION: OH.
LISA (angry): My name... is LISA!
LISA (upset): Stop...
ENDYMION: Sailor Moon...
LISA: I won't kill you, and I can't heal you... all I can do is ask you,
please remember who you are! Please stop!
Lisa and Endymion now stand in a pillar of light. Endymion still has his sword
raised.
LISA: Please try to remember. She was your love, long ago, Serenity from
the
ENDYMION (confused): She was... (rallies, glares at Lisa) No, Lies! Get
ready to die!
LISA: You have been possessed by an evil force, you're not thinking like
yourself! But I'm sure your love for her will be the one thing that the dark
force would not be able to extinguish! Please remember your love, remember who
you are, for Serenity's sake! I'm sure that she's waiting for you somewhere...
LISA: But... I never said she was a Princess.
LISA: I will not fight you.
LISA: I think you're starting to see the truth.
Endymion talks to SERENITY at the
They meet in the flower field.
They kiss under the fireworks.
Endymion falls to the ground. Lisa kneels over him, and he rises a little.
LISA: You, you remember?
ENDYMION: Yes... you reminded me...
LISA (cheer): The plot device does it again! Woohoo!
ENDYMION: You really think she's waiting for me?
LISA: I'm sure of it... that or she's obsessing over someone who works
in an arcade, hm, maybe you should hurry...
Beryl scowls at them, and creates a black crystal out of thin air. It's about 2
feet long and very sharp...
LISA: Huh?
Lisa gasps as Endymion grimaces in pain!
Beryl reels from Endymion's attack. The rose is still stuck in her chest.
ENDYMION: Hurry... you must get out of here...
LISA: Not without you, I can't!
LISA (drag, drag): I told you... I'm called Lisa, Tuxedo Kamen.
ENDYMION: Oh? My name... I'm Mamoru, Lisa.
LISA (drag, drag): That's a nice name, Mamoru. (to self) That's it, keep
him talking Lis... (to Endymion/Mamoru) Don't worry, Mamoru. We'll get out of
here after this, and we'll go looking for Serenity...
MAMORU (opens eyes): Lisa... go... I'm...
LISA: No! We're going to get out of here! We'll beat Beryl, and go find
Serenity, and, and... (blurts it out) if it doesn't work out with her you can
marry me in eight years!
LISA (sad): But I need you... I can't defeat Beryl by myself.
MAMORU: I'm sure you can...
LISA: But how? I can't use the Ginzoushou...
MAMORU: But you don't know the true secret behind using the
Ginzoushou...
LISA: The true secret?
MAMORU: The Ginzoushou is the ultimate plot device... and like any good
plot device... it will never work like it should... (smile at Lisa) until you
really need it...
Beryl stumbles up the thin path leading to the place where Queen Metallica is
sealed. Queen Metallica best resembles a strange black mist held within an
organic bubble. A computer monitor is next to the bubble, but we can't see
what's on it.
METALLICA (monotone): Sorry, not enough energy. Come back later.
BERYL: D'oh!
Bart sits working on his computer.
BART (shout): Just a minute! (speak to self) I just have to set Kazaa to
download "The Unforgiven II."
Close-up of the computer monitor. A window is on the screen, titled "DATA
ENERGY ACCUMULATED BY PEER TO PEER TROJAN YOUMAS." A number on the screen
reads 999,999,999,999,994,285. It slowly clicks over to
1,000,000,000,000,106,341.
BERYL: Hot damn!
METALLICA (clears throat, more evil voice) Now is the time to bring
hatred and ambition to the earth! Queen Beryl! Destroy everything but yourself
and make this a world of darkness!
Lisa kneels by Mamoru's body.
The black smoke stops rising out of the
She just smirks and glares at the camera.
Lights are on all over
We can see HOMER, BART, MARGE and MAGGIE standing in the window. They're
bunched together and look concerned - this is their last appearance for the
rest of the fanfic, so enjoy it if you can. Camera pans up to the roof above
the front door - LUNA and ARTEMIS sit on the roof. They too look concerned.
LUNA: Oh no...
LUNA: We have to get to the arctic, Artemis! We have to stop the girls!
ARTEMIS: There's nothing we can do!
LUNA: But we must do something! If Lisa fights Beryl and uses the
Ginzoushou... she will... she'll die! Just like Queen Serenity did!
ARTEMIS (quiet): But... then the world would be saved...
BERYL looks out over the snowfields.
LISA walks slowly toward Beryl! She stops in front of Beryl and glares up at
her.
Part 8b : The end is the end is the end! Bad J-Pop can fix anything, you know!
Follow the wand as it flies into the air. It glows brightly, and rapidly starts
getting bigger. The wand's shape changes too - it twists itself into an
S-shape, and one end gets much wider while the other gets a little smaller.
It finally falls back down to Lisa, and stops glowing... to reveal the MOON
SAXOPHONE! It's a golden saxophone, with crescent moon symbols on each of the
keys. The Ginzoushou is set into the metal, just below the mouthpiece.
Beryl growls, and starts to play - she plays the first two bars of
"Moonlight Densetsu!" (the guitar opening) 
)
|
LEITHA: |
Well I'm sorry
that I'm not the Princess, Sometimes the speeches made me
want to cry, |
She stops singing, and starts to
play the sax again, playing the next part of the verse. While Leitha has been
singing and as she plays the sax, her shield grows as she releases even more
energy. Eventually she's drawing even with Beryl. But as Leitha plays the last
few notes of her verse, Beryl deliberately plays some very loud and out of tune
chords, distracting Leitha. Leitha stops playing.
LEITHA: What the...
The words ATTACK appear onscreen in
BERYL (gloating): You! Now I remember you! You're
that common child that Queen Serenity adored so much. Ha! They couldn't find
the real princess, so they sent the substitute! How pathetic!
LEITHA: Hey! Don't mock substitutes! Given the chance, a substitute can
do a great job, trust me, I know!
BERYL: Hmph. This is not your fight girl. You should not have come here.
LEITHA: Not my fight? You're trying to destroy the world I live in! That
makes it my fight, and everyone else's!
Beryl ends her solo with the 2-bar
intro again. The musical style changes back to Jazz, as Leitha takes a breath
and starts to sing again.
|
LEITHA: |
So we'll be
celebrating at the weekend |
As she sings, Leitha's shield starts
getting bigger again. Leitha takes a deep breath and starts to play her
saxophone again, following the melody. The Ginzoushou glow brightly and the
shield grows rapidly until she's equal to Beryl again, but Beryl plays bad
chords again and throws Leitha off her rhythm.
LEITHA: Not again!
Musical style changes to rock, and
Beryl starts improvising again. Leitha's shield shrinks rapidly, and once again
she has to shield herself with the saxophone!
BERYL: Why? Why try to save this world?
LEITHA: Because I still believe! I gotta believe!
Leitha's ice platform starts to
crumble and break under Beryl's attack.
BERYL: In what? In love? In friendship? In trust?
LEITHA: I believe in this world, and it's potential! And that it
deserves better than destruction!
BERYL: Fool! This world is foul and corrupt! It cannot be improved or
redeemed! It never shall!
The ice on the ground breaks up
under the pressure, creating a huge pit beneath both of them
LEITHA: No, you're wrong! Before any of this
happened, I tried to change the world, and I'll keep trying after this!
Changing the world isn't a job reserved for special people, anyone can do it!
Whether you clean pollution, become a cancer-research scientist, or be a Pretty
Suited Soldier for Love and Justice, you can try to make the world a better
place! And even if Luna takes my brooch away after this, I'll keep trying to
make things better in other ways! And no cutting corners!
BERYL: But in the end, it is only a few who matter - the Soldiers and
their enemies! Nobody else has any meaning to their life without them!
LEITHA: Not true! Because once you are defeated, there will still be
pollution and cancer, at least for a while. Who has the stronger enemy, the
Soldiers or those "meaningless" people?
BERYL (angry): You... dare compare me with an oilspill? That does it!
DIE!
Beryl plays louder. The force of her
energy pushes Leitha backwards on her platform, and she staggers.
LEITHA (to self): Everyone... (images of Allison,
Jessica, Laura and Minako pass over the screen) please... lend me your
strength!
Music changes back to Jazz as a
saxophone plays the 2-bar intro that ends Beryl's improvisation. The words
FINAL appear onscreen in pink letters.
Closeup of the saxophone - it has a symbol in it that resembles a O+ with ears.
Closeup of some drumsticks hitting a drum set.
Closeup of a gloved hand playing a bass guitar with a pick whose top is shaped
like a 4.
Closeup of a gloved hand spinning a microphone.
Long view of the entire platform.
GHOST-ALLISON, GHOST-JESSICA, GHOST-LAURA and GHOST-MINAKO are behind Lisa.
Allison plays her Saxophone. Jessica is sat at a drum kit. Laura plays bass
guitar. Minako sings and dances a little.
MINAKO (sings): Looks like, we'll have her beat
soon, (Laura and Jessica add harmony) Liiiisa-chan!
CUT TO:
SIMPSONS ROOF
The music get quieter. LUNA and ARTEMIS are here, singing along. They sway in
time to the beat.
LUNA/ARTEMIS (singing): We may have screwed up, but
they've muddled though!
CUT TO:
THE
Music returns to normal volume. Everyone plays the two-bar segment together.
Leitha's shield grows GREATLY. Beryl tries to throw in some duff chords, but
she can't compete with the coordinated music of the Soldiers. Minako takes over
singing the melody, while Leitha starts wildly improvising a counter-melody on
her saxophone.
|
MINAKO: |
If we should count
every star in the sky, |
ALLISON: MURCURI POWA! (gem in tiara glows)
MINAKO: Forget your crushes, go out and find your
JESSICA: MARSU POWA! (gem in tiara glows)
MINAKO: Miracle Romancu.
LAURA: JUPITA POWA! (gem in tiara glows)
Leitha stops playing.
LEITHA: I do believe there is,
MINAKO: VENUS POWA! (gem in tiara glows)
LEITHA: A Miracle Romancu! (yells) MOOON PRISIMU POWA!
Penultimate note is held while
Leitha speaks. Then she plays the final note of the song on the Moon Saxophone,
LOUDLY.
BERYL: Huh? What the?
The Ginzoushou flares brightly as
Leitha uses it's full power, and shoots a ball of energy at Beryl. The ball
expands rapidly, until it's even bigger than Beryl, and then it consumes her.
BERYL: Huh? UWAAAAAAAAGH!
She fades away into nothing.
Lisa's dress turns back into her
Sailor uniform. The ghosts of her friends are already gone. (and Ghost-Jessica
is gone too, natch) Lisa falls over backward, exhausted...
LISA: Thanks... everyone...
She smiles, and dies.
CUT TO:
FAR SHOT OF LISA'S PLATFORM
The ball of energy is still growing. It reaches Lisa's platform, and breaks the
platform into pieces. Lisa's body falls into the energy, followed by the Moon
Saxophone, and they both disappear.
CUT TO:
THRONE ROOM
ENDYMION'S body still lies on the floor. The energy breaks through the walls of
the room, and consumes him...
LISA (VO): I wake at
CUT TO:
VIEW OF THE EARTH FROM SPACE
The pink energy can clearly be seen from space now, over the arctic circle.
LISA (VO): I go downstairs and eat. Dad is
slouched in front of the TV, already drinking a beer. Mom washes the dishes,
limiting herself to this house and not exploring her potential.
CUT TO:
LAURA'S PILLAR
The energy ekes it's way along the snowfields, consuming Laura's pillar.
LISA (VO): Bart tries to gross me out with his
cereal. Maggie is throwing her food. Yet though I may resent my family
sometimes, I do love them. I would not change them for a queen or a king, or
any number of princes and princesses.
CUT TO:
ALLISON'S BODY
The energy continues along the snowfields, consuming Allison's dead body.
LISA (VO): I go to school, and there I'm teased
for being a nerd and a geek. But it doesn't matter. The few friends I do have
console me, try to cheer me up. They are the most precious things in the world
to me.
CUT TO:
MINAKO'S PILLAR
The energy consumes Minako's pillar.
LISA (VO): After school we head home, and I pass
into the Kwik-E-Mart to pick up a copy of "Non-Threatening Boys." And
for a little while my friends and I indulge our fantasies - however unlikely I
may know they are.
CUT TO:
JESSICA'S PILLAR
Energy yadda yadda Jessica's pillar.
LISA (VO): After that, the last thing I do in the
day is study. I am killing time you see, until I am old enough to change the
world. Study, so that when you're older you can make a lasting difference. I
live for the day I receive my Nobel Peace Prize. That's the right way for me to
change the world.
CUT TO:
SPACE AGAIN
The sphere of energy can now be very clearly seen.
|
LISA (VO): |
Family, friends,
my future, these are the things that make me happy. |
The view of the earth is eclipsed by
the moon.
LISA (VO): The life I want back...
MIX TO :
The moon turns into a crescent-moon shape, and we pull back to see the whole of
the skyline. Dawn comes.
EXT: SIMPSONS HOUSE - MORNING
MARGE (OS, shout): Lisa! If you don't get up soon
you'll miss the bus!
Zoom in to Lisa's bedroom window.
CUT TO:
LISA'S FLOOR - CLOSEUP OF LUNA
LUNA lies on the rug beside Lisa's bed. She looks upset.
LUNA (sad, to self): You won't find her here,
Marge... she's... gone...
LISA (OS, interrupting, shouts): What? Coming mom!
A pair of bare feet land on the rug
beside Luna. All we can see are the feet and the hem of a blue nightdress. Luna
looks up in shock.
LUNA (to self): What the...
The feet move around Luna quickly,
occasionally needing to dance around her and step over her. Their owner seems
to be in a bit of a rush. The hem of the nightdress raises (we don't see past
the knees, okay) and it is thrown to the floor - and soon replaced with a red
dress with a spiky hem. Red shoes are pulled onto the feet. And then the feet
bolt out of the door.
LUNA (shocked): But... but...
CUT TO:
SIMPSONS KITCHEN
HOMER, MARGE, BART and MAGGIE sit around the table, eating breakfast. LISA
bursts into the room and grabs a slice of toast in one hand, and Bart's collar
in the other.
LISA: Come one Bart! If we don't move we'll miss
the bus again!
Lisa drags him out his chair and out
the house.
BART: Urk!
CUT TO:
OUTSIDE THE HOUSE
Luna climbs out of Lisa's window and heads up onto the roof, where she and
ARTEMIS watch Lisa drag outside... just in time to miss the bus.
LISA: Oh noooo...
She runs off down the street,
dragging Bart behind her.
BART: But Lis (going into distance) I left my
schoolbag...
ARTEMIS: It's a miracle! The
CUT TO:
OUTSIDE CHURCH
Lisa runs by in the background, dragging Bart. In the foreground, JESSICA is
scrubbing the steps of the church, watched by REVEREND LOVEJOY.
CUT TO:
SECOND GRADE CLASSROOM - LATER
MS HOOVER walks around the classroom, handing out recent test papers. JANEY
turns to Lisa, frowns, and holds up her test paper which reads 9/20. Lisa tries
to look humble, but eventually holds up her test paper and smiles - 19/20.
Janey glares at Lisa, and they're both interrupted by Allison, who pops up from
behind Lisa with her own test paper and a big grin - 20/20.
Both Lisa and Janey glare at Allison.
ALLISON (confused): What? What'd I do?
CUT TO:
EIGHTH GRADE CLASSROOM,
LAURA sits at a desk. MINAKO wanders into the classroom, looking confused.
LAURA: You look lost.
MINAKO: I think I might be. I wasn't expecting to wake up in
CUT TO:
SCHOOL PLAYGROUND
Recess is on. Lisa, Allison and Janey are being bullied by a bunch of 5th grade
girls. One of them pushes over Allison, another pulls Lisa's hair, a third
grabs Janey by the collar and picks her up.
BULLY: Come on, where's your lunch money?
JANEY: Urk!
There is a loud cough from behind
the bullies, and they turn to see Jessica looking at them. She frowns and
shakes her head. The bullies immediately put down Lisa, Allison and Janey and
dust their clothes off, before skulking off to find someone else to bully.
Lisa, Janey and Allison look at Jessica, who just quietly nods at them and
walks off.
CUT TO:
STREETS
Laura and Minako walk home together.
Whip pan to another street. Lisa, Allison and Janey walk home together.
Whip pan to another street. Jessica rides sidesaddle on Bart's bike, as he
pedals her to a street corner. She hops off the bike, and he closes his eyes
and puckers his lips. Jessica just rolls her eyes and walks away from him.
CUT TO:
SPLIT SCREEN
Split screen showing all 3 groups. They all look up at once, as a black shadow
falls over everyone.
CUT TO:
LISA'S GROUP
They look up at Eva-01 (Milhouse's giant purple robot) which towers over the
skyline. It wobbles, and starts to fall.
MILHOUSE (OS, filtered): Look out below!
It falls.
CUT TO:
SIMPSON ROOF
Luna and Artemis wince at the BOOM that the falling Eva-01 makes as it hits the
ground. Artemis shrugs his shoulders and turns to Luna.
ARTEMIS (embarrassed grin): Well, at least some
things are back the way they were.
Luna laughs a little, and then
becomes serious.
LUNA: But all the same... it's sad... the
Ginzoushou brought them back to life, but they'll have lost their memories of
their time together as Sailor Soldiers...
LISA (OS): Who said we'd lost our memories?
Luna and Artemis look down from the
roof. Lisa, Allison, Jessica, Laura and Minako are grouped together beneath
them.
LISA: Sure it was weird, and embarrassing,
occasionally traumatic, and didn't make much sense sometimes... but I made some
friends, and it was fun, and in the end we did something good. Why would I want
to forget that?
All the other girls nod and murmur
their agreement.
Luna jumps down from the roof, landing in front of Lisa. Artemis follows her.
ARTEMIS: Heh. I had a feeling things would work out
like this.
LUNA: You did? How could you know something like that?
ARTEMIS: Well, she did have the ultimate plot device. With that thing, a
happy ending is practically guaranteed.
LUNA (angry): You figured that out, and you didn't tell me? You just let
me worry?
LISA (smile): You were worried, Luna? I... I thought you'd be angry.
LUNA (angry): Angry? Of course I was angry! But... I was more worried. I
didn't want to let you go because I thought you'd die!
LISA: Luna...
LUNA: But now... I'm glad you went, (pause for emphasis) Sailor Moon.
ALLISON (interrupting): Sooo... what happened to the Ginzoushou anyway?
Everyone looks at Lisa.
LISA: How should I know? I was dead when it
disappeared... it could be anywhere.
ARTEMIS: Well, it'll turn up again. Things like that can't stay
hidden...
CUT TO:
BACK ALLEY IN JUBANN WARD,
The alley is empty apart from a dumpster. After a moment the dumpster lid
opens, and MAMORU climbs out. He's dressed in black trousers and his usual
green jacket. Once in the alley, he looks at the dumpster.
MAMORU: <Now
how the heck did I get in there?>
Mamoru puts his hands in his jacket
pockets... and suddenly looks surprised. He pulls one hand out, to reveal that
the Ginzoushou was in there...
MAMORU: <The
Ginzoushou has been left with me?>
He wanders out into the street,
obviously a little disoriented. As he walks he becomes aware that a large piece
of paper from the dumpster is stuck to the sleeve of his jacket. Grimacing, he
peels it off, rolls it up into a ball of paper, and casually throws it over his
shoulder.
CUT TO:
VIEW OF SOMEONE'S HAIR
The hair in question is blonde, and tied up in two balls on either side of the
head. A long pigtail runs from each ball. The paper ball bounces off the
person's head.
CUT TO:
BACK TO MAMORU
Mamoru keeps walking, until...
VOICE (female, angry, OS): <Hey! Watch where you're throwing that, Mister!>
Mamoru turns and sees USAGI TSUKINO
approaching him, murder on her mind.
MAMORU (contempt): <Oh, it's just you, dumpling head.>
USAGI : <Hey! For the last
time, they are not dumplings!>
MAMORU: <You should watch
that temper, dumpling head. It doesn't make you look very ladylike.>
USAGI : <Ladylike? I'll
show you who's ladylike!> (sticks her tongue out and gives a raspberry)
MAMORU (sigh): <Okay,
okay... (turns away, looks at Ginzoushou) Now if you'll excuse me... (looks
back at her over shoulder) I have to find my Princess.>
He puts on a pair of sunglasses and
walks away. Usagi stops doing her raspberry, and looks quite touched now.
USAGI (stunned): <He's looking for... a Princess? (lovey dovey) How Romantic!
(realizes how she's acting) No wait, I am not getting a crush on that weirdo!
(glaring) Hate, hate, hate, hate him Usagi... (a pause, she gives up) Oooh,
he's so handsome!>
CUT TO:
MAKOTO KINO sits at a table. She's quite tall for her age, and has brown hair
tied up in a single ponytail.
MAKOTO (to camera): <You know, I can't help but get the feeling something's
missing...>
A girl sitting at a table behind and
to the left of Makoto turns around in her chair. She has long black/purple hair
and wears the costume of a Shinto Shrine Maiden.
REI HINO : <You
have that feeling too? I thought it was just me!>
A girl sitting behind and to the
right of Makoto turns in her chair. This one wears a school uniform, has
glasses and has short blue hair.
AMI MIZUNO : <Excuse
me for interrupting, but are you referring to the feeling that your destiny has
been whisked away from you and that something monumental has happened without
you? Or are you referring to the fact I can't seem to find my calculus
textbook?>
REI : <The former.>
MAKOTO : <Yeah. This is
strange...>
AMI : <Three strangers
have the exact same odd feeling... that's a bizarre coincidence.>
REI : <My Shinto-Sense is
tingling...>
MAKOTO : <Well, I guess
it'll clear up soon. That, or maybe we can be involved next time...>
Pan over to another table. NARU
OSAKA sits here.
NARU (to camera): <Frankly, I can't complain. Not one monster has attacked me in
this whole story!>
CUT TO:
OUTSIDE SIMPSONS HOUSE
Lisa, Luna, Artemis, Allison, Jessica, Laura and Minako are still here.
JESSICA: So that's it then?
ARTEMIS: Yeah. The
JESSICA: Alright! Well, if you'll excuse me... (pulls out a HUGE
spatula) I have the sudden urge to chase Bart with this. See you later!
She runs off.
ALLISON: Oh, I just remembered! We still have to find
the eighth child! (pulls out woolen hat and puts it on head) Sorry to run guys,
I'll see you later!
She runs off.
MINAKO (to Artemis): So Artemis, how are we going
to get back home to
ARTEMIS: I... don't know. The plane to the
MINAKO: What? But... that means we're stranded here! What will we do?
ARTEMIS (starts walking away): Well, I know I'm off to the benefit
office. I don't know about you Minako... you might need to get a job or
something...
MINAKO (following him): A job? I can't get a job...
They walk away. Lisa looks up at
Laura.
LAURA: Well, I think I'll just head home. I've had
enough Shoujo weirdness for a lifetime...
VOICE (loud, female): Please... help save our world... Legendary Magic
Knights!
LAURA: Uh oh...
Laura falls through the grass. Lisa
watches her go.
LISA (hands on hips): Well, it's nice to see
things are starting to get back to normal!
LUNA: So Lisa... what will you do now?
LISA: Try to get back to being an average schoolgirl... or at least as
close as you can get to that nowadays. What about you Luna?
LUNA: I'm afraid I'll have to go now. I still have to find the Princess.
LISA (bend down, fondly): Well... good luck, Luna, and thanks for the
weird ride!
LUNA: No... thank you for finally being the right girl, Lisa! Even if I
didn't see it. And by the way... you can keep the brooch.
LISA: Don't you need it back Luna?
LUNA: I'll tell you a secret, Lisa... those things are a dime a dozen at
Magical-Girls-R-Us.
LISA: Ah...
CUT TO:
LISA'S ROOM
Lisa sits on her bed, playing her saxophone. JANEY sits against the wall,
reading a copy of Non-Threatening-Boys.
JANEY: Hey, Lisa! Check this out! (holds up a
picture of some pretty-boy) He's cute!
Lisa stops playing, looks at the
picture, and smiles.
LISA: Ah, I think I'll stop getting that
magazine... from now on, I'm reserving all my crushes for boys I can actually
meet!
Lisa starts playing again.
JANEY: Oh? Well, you never know Lisa! He could be
the boy of your dreams!
Lisa stops playing again.
LISA: My dreams? Sorry Janey... I've already got a
dream!
JANEY: Oh?
LISA: Just when everything looks bad, a...
There is a cough from below Lisa.
She looks down, and sees a small white cat on her bed. This cat stands on it's
hind legs, and wears a pair of tiger-like gloves.
LISA: Huh? A cat?
CAT : Excuse me, my name's Gatomon. You wouldn't be the eighth child,
would you?
LISA (suspicious): This isn't for a weird adventure, is it?
GATOMON : Ah, sort of...
Lisa glares strongly at Gatomon. She
moves quickly, and pulls a HUGE MALLET out of nowhere, which she waves
menacingly at Gatomon.
LISA: Sorry. I'm already taken.
GATOMON (sweatdrop): Um... okay...! Sorry to bother you! (running from
the mallet of doom) Bye!
JANEY: What was that about? Man, those things are getting everywhere!
THE END
Hellos (in no particular order) go
to Graham, Christina, Stan, Sheana, Adam, Jenny, Aoife, KANG, that Danish guy
everyone hates (Kidding, Soren!), Craig, Dan, special thanks to Fiona for the
Japanese translations and Marco for the pictures, and of course Rich Wilson,
who sent me my Sailor Moon episodes in the first place, knowing full well I
liked crossovers, and is therefore directly responsible for this travesty.
Bad boy.
Dedicated to the brave voyeurs of Portal Of Evil, who indirectly inspired
me to complete this fic. Rock on, Lemon-Chan.
Visit The Groening Fanworks Central
at www.simpworks.com for all your
Simpsons and Futurama fanart and fanfic wants!
Please contact me and ask for
permission before distributing, posting to your site, or MISTing. I probably
won't deny permission for any of those things, unless you appear to be a grade
A moron.
Got comments? I live on feedback,
good or bad. E-mail me! or go
to Simpworks and post a review there!
Other fics by me - "Lisa The
Telepath", "The Justice League of
I hope you enjoyed
reading this!
EASTER EGGS - Page 1/10
PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON
MOON FAQ
Okay, so these aren't
frequently asked questions yet. But they are some concerns I can
see people (and myself)
having, so lets call this a preemptive FAQ. If you ain't read
the fic yet then these
could contain spoilers.
Q. Why do you hate
Metallica?
A. I don't, aside from the
Napster thing I have a lot of respect for the band. But
changing the name
"Metallia" to "Metallica" was so tempting, and the joke
just
snowballed from there...
:-) It was great how it came full circle and not only
justified the musical
finale, but also allowed one last Peer-to-peer joke. Metallica
gets it's revenge via
Kazaa! Bwa ha ha! You can't plan stuff like that.
Q. Why do the Simpsonic
Senshi get to out-perform the real Senshi? That ain't right!
A. There are really two
cases where the Simpson Senshi do better than the real Inners...
(that spring to mind right
now)
a) Many scenes where Usagi got scared or
flipped out or freezes or is stupid...
b) Allison's fight with the DD girls.
In the first case, it just
wouldn't have been in character for me to write Lisa like she
was Usagi. It just
wouldn't. So Lisa can answer the questions Garaben poses, and Lisa
gets on the kidnappings
bus first time without freaking, and so on.
As for b), I was always a
little disappointed that Ami always uses the Mercury computer
for information and
analysis and never offensively, even when faced with a robotic
opponent she could
theoretically hack for example. I can't remember a single example of it.
It's clearly a powerful
little gizmo with unknown depths. :-) Of course, that has more to
do with Ami's personality
(doesn't fit the hacker mentality) and the level of technology
at the time (the idea of
even a magical computer creating a holographic CG battlestation
would unheard of in 1992.
It's still a stretch in 2002 that's based around the principle
"magic can do
anything") But I decided to take a tip from the PS2 game "Rez"
(which comes
HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommended
BTW) and let the most-often-overlooked Soldier have her moment
of glory. ;-) Play the
game and you'll recognize where the inspiration for mercury[Tera].bin
came from. (the other
aspect is that when faced with the 3 DD girls in the original, Ami's
plan seems almost
deliberately suicidal. Guh? Allison tried to win and stay alive too.)
Q. What's that
"Charge Phase"/"Attack Phase"/"Final Phase" stuff
in the finale all about?
A. A ref to another PS2
game, "
Certain rhythm-action
games were really the inspiration for the whole musical battle between
Leitha and Beryl. There
are also unsubtle refs to "Parappa The Rapper" and "Um Jammer
Lammy"
in the scene too... I
wanted to a Mad Maestro ref in too but couldn't find a way to use the phrase
"Musical Powers" without drowning in cheese.
Q. What do the princesses
names mean?
A. This is a great little
co-incidence... like Serenity and Endymion, they're Greek in origin.
Leitha - Forgetful (she forgot about the
Alyssa - Rational (smartest in the bunch)
Jacintha - Beautiful (natch)
Leora - Light (okay, doesn't fit
that well...)
Think a question should be
in here? Mail to steven.scott@btinternet.com
EASTER EGGS - Page 2/10
PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON
MOON - AUTHOR'S COMMENTRY
Yeek. Almost a year to
write this... subtract 3 months for an Everquest addiction, 1 month for
FF10... yeek.
I'm pretty satisfied with
how this came out, though not completely happy. For a start, it's way
too long. I managed to cut
the crap in the first 3 episodes and get to the important parts...
after part 4 each episode
gets more and more bloated. Ep 5 is definitely the most bloated, but
that did combine two
episodes into one (to save time, ironically) there. I also regret keeping
Mamoru out of the story
for so long. Him not giving Lisa that star shaped pendant really
complicated matters in the
final battle with Endymion. Though really, there's not much reason for
him to give Lisa the
pendant anyway.
Did the Ginzoushou=Plot
Device running joke get old fast? I hope not. I kinda wish I had used the
term "Macguffin"
somewhere. I guess the Ginzoushou suffers from the whole "Grants Gun"
thing - if
a magical crystal with
reality altering powers is mentioned at the start of the script, it WILL be
used by the end...
I have a horrible feeling
that some Simpsons fans are going to see the use of the "You are Lisa
Simpson" paper as sacrilegious.
Oh well... BTW SM fans, that comes from the episode "Lisa's
Substitute," probably
the most touching and poignant ep of OFF ever.
I'm quite satisfied with
the characterization. Lisa manages to stay in character for the whole of
the script IMO - yes, her
mooning over handsome boys is in character. And while I've never wrote
them before, I'm happy
with Luna, Artemis, Minako and Mamoru. I don't THINK I destroyed anyone's
integrity.
I'm quite disappointed
with the final song. Everything up till the "big business" line is
great,
but after that it starts
to suck badly. I did not intend for the song to have a moral, but that's
what it gained... eugh...
Yes, it is very derivative
of the actual series. That was kinda the point... the original intention
was "SM Classic
without the endless filler and lots more jokes."
Overall I had fun writing
this though. As you might see from one of the other easter eggs, I changed
the ending halfway though,
it would have originally ended with part 5. I was having too much fun
writing, and Lisa seemed
to be having too much fun as Sailor Moon in the script. It would have been
a shame to end the script
as it was. Yeah, I over-emphasize with the characters. :-)
EASTER EGGS - Page 3/10
PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON
MOON - CUT SCENE, STUDIO DIVE
I was going to include the
following in the fic, but couldn't get it to work. Mary-Sues distract
too much from the main
characters. :-)
ANIMATION STUDIO
DIRECTOR'S OFFICE
The director (STEVE) and
two animators (MARCO and SHEANA) sit at a table. Steve is inspecting an
animation cel of Sailor V.
STEVE : I don't know, it
doesn't seem to be quite right. I'm not sensing an awful lot of passion
in this cel.
SHEANA:
Uh… what do you mean?
STEVE : Well, maybe I'm
being a little too abstract, but it just feels like there's something
missing. Where's the love?
OH! And it looks like you got the pattern on her shoulder-thing wrong
again. It should two white
stripes, not a white triangle.
MARCO : What? Goddammit!
(rests head in hands)
STEVE : Nice shading
though, very very nice.
CUT
TO:
ANIMATION STUDIO
The office is deserted,
apart from Marco and Sheana, who sit in their respective places across
an aisle from each other.
MARCO : I wish he could be
a little less weird and abstract! Oh, who am I kidding, I'm at fault
here, I'm just not feeling
inspired just now…
SHEANA: Oh,
don't blame yourself Marco. Everyone goes through highs and lows in inspiration
– in
a few days you'll be back
to your normal self, I'm sure. Doing animation is a team effort, and
everybody on our team has
had a bad week or so.
MARCO : What about him?
He points across the
studio to a cubicle, where an animator is drawing furiously. There is a huge,
4-foot stack of completed
drawings beside him, and a sign on top of the stack that reads "JAKE"
SHEANA:
Well, most of those will be "Sailor V – 12 years beyond" pics.
They had better write in a
flash-forward scene so we
can use them.
CUT
TO:
SAME STUDIO – LATER
It's late at night and
Marco is alone now, slaving over his drawing board, trying to sketch
something out.
MARCO : Oh, it's no good,
I'm just not getting it tonight…
He looks around, and
notices Sheana's folder of pics for today. He picks it up and opens it.
MARCO : These are
incredible! Amazing! So gracefully and wonderfully drawn! (over-dramatic) These
pictures expose me for the
untalented hack I am! I'll never be able to compete…
NELSONITE (OS): Hey, these
are pretty good.
Marco turns, and spots
Nelsonite looking at his pictures.
MARCO : What? Hm, what are
you doing here?
NELSONITE:
Relax, I'm just a fan of yours.
MARCO : Of… of mine?
NELSONITE:
Yeah, I saw your web page and really liked your pictures. They were really
cool, you
know. And then I found out
you were working on the Sailor V film, so I came to see how you were doing.
This looks great!
Nelsonite picks up Marco's
pencil, and looks at it. Time pauses, and the screen turns shades of purple.
NELSONITE (voiceover):
Youmas, enter this fool's pencil, enhance his energy to its peak, and then
steal
it! His energy that is,
not his pencil.
The screen goes back to
normal, and Nelsonite turns to Marco.
NELSONITE:
Hey, could you give me an autograph?
MARCO : Uh, sure…
He takes the pencil, and
signs an autograph.
NELSONITE:
Hey, thanks man! Well, I have to go, smell ya later!
Nelsonite leaves. Marco
idly taps the end of his pencil on his cheek.
MARCO : Well, that was
unexpected. Oh well, I think I'd better get back to work.
He sits down and starts
drawing.
MARCO : Wow… I think
that pep talk there did a lot of good! I can feel my inspiration coming back
to me! These are truly
brilliant drawings!
Cue scary music.
CUT
TO:
SAME STUDIO – LATER
It's the next morning.
Sheana comes into work, and heads for her drawing board. Marco is still
working at his.
SHEANA: Um,
Marco… have you been there all night?
MARCO : Can't talk.
Drawing.
SHEANA: Are
you all right? Don't work too hard, okay… HEY! You redrew all my scenes!
MARCO : Your sketches were
nowhere near good enough. I had to redo them from scratch.
SHEANA:
WHAT? That's not your decision Marco… what's up with you today?
MARCO : Nothings
wrong… I've been doing better work today than anyone else here has for
months!
Now if you'll excuse me, I
can't work with all this chattering. I need some privacy.
He heads over to a private
room.
MARCO : I'll be using this
room today. Don't let anyone disturb me.
SHEANA: Um,
okay…
He heads in, and closes
the door.
SHEANA:
What's up with him?
EASTER EGGS - PAGE 4/10
PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON
MOON - CUT SCENES, ROSE MANOR
I wanted to include some
scenes to better introduce Minako to the Simpsons Fans,
but Rose Manor ended up
too slow and an inspiration dead end, so I cut back on
the story, attempted to
rewrite it, and then gave up on it completely. Here's the
sequence in full-ish.
LISA (voiceover):
Naturally this meant Control was no use any more… Artemis had
no more idea where the
Princess was than we did. So we had to do our own research.
EXT: OUTSIDE
ROSE MANOR – DAY
LISA, LAURA, JESSICA,
MINAKO and LUNA stand outside the manor's gates. ARTEMIS is
lying on Minako's
shoulder.
LISA: So
what is this place, Laura?
LAURA: its
called
She runs something called
"The Princess Seminar" that's like charm school for snobby
rich girls.
JESSICA (bored): That's
nice. So what?
LAURA: Well,
we're looking for a princess, aren't we?
A limousine pulls up, and
three teenage girls get out. They wear expensive dresses,
and have an air of both
dignity and snobbery about them. They walk though the gates,
ignoring Lisa & co
completely.
MINAKO:
That's rude!
LISA: I
don't think anyone like them could be the Princess.
ARTEMIS: Regardless,
I think this could be a good idea. We should station a spy among
those girls to get to know
them and see if any one of them is the princess.
JESSICA:
Ooh, choose me!
LISA: I want
to go!
MINAKO:
Choose me!
LAURA: No,
I'll do it. I'm the oldest and most talented of us.
LISA: You're
the most talented? I don't think so… I can play the sax and compose, I
write very well, I'm a
good public speaker, I've made great dioramas…
Jessica leans over and
whispers in Lisa's ear.
LISA: Oh, I
see. (pout) That's not a fair comparison…
LUNA (trying to change
subject): Since the school is for teens anyway, we will send
Laura and Minako in.
LAURA: Yes!
MINAKO:
Sugoi!
JESSICA:
Aw…
LISA: But
the seminar is for very rich girls… how will we get them into it?
Everyone thinks to
themselves.
CUT
TO:
HALL INSIDE ROSE MANOR
A PHONE rings, and the
VOICE (old female,
filtered): Hello, this is Madame… uh… Neko.
CUT
TO:
BACK OUTSIDE
Jessica kneels down next
to Luna holding her mobile phone, and Luna speaks into it. She
uses her DUB VOICE, which
sounds substantially older.
LUNA:
Correct. I would like to enroll my daughters in the Princess Seminar. (pause)
Yes,
I am extraordinarily rich.
(pause) Well, we have a condo in
and a palace on the Moon.
No, really. (pause) Is that so? Very well then. Thank you.
She looks at Jessica, who
hangs up the phone.
LUNA (still Dubbed): Good
news scouts… (shakes head, back to normal voice) daah I mean
soldiers, you're in.
The gates open.
LAURA:
Great! (smug) Well, I guess I'll be seeing you girls later.
MINAKO: Just
call me Minako Hime!
They go through the gates,
(ARTEMIS remains on Minako's shoulder) and up to the front door.
A SERVANT greets them.
SERVANT : Good morning.
Welcome to Rose Manor.
MINAKO (hyper): Hi!
LAURA (calm): Yo.
SERVANT (sigh, deadpan): I
can see we have a lot to work on…
He leads them inside.
CUT
TO:
OUTSIDE GATES AGAIN
Lisa, Jessica and Luna
watch the others from the other side of the fence.
JESSICA:
Well, they're in. What do we do now?
LUNA: We'll
sneak in to the manor and keep an eye out… just as soon as Allison turns
up.
Where is that girl?
LISA: I
don't know. It's not like her to be late…
On cue, ALLISON comes over
a hill in the distance. As well as her usual clothes, she wears
a wool skullcap with
straps down either side, and she is followed by a large (over a foot
tall) PINK BIRD.
ALLISON (taking off hat,
embarrassed): Oh, hi guys. Sorry I'm late.
Lisa, Jessica and Luna
look at the bird suspiciously.
LISA (stern):
Allison… have you been moonlighting as a digi-destined?
ALLISON: Uh,
kinda… things just seemed to happen…
BIRD (cheery): Hiya! I'm
Biyomon! Who are you? What's your names?
Lisa, Jessica and Luna
looks sideways at each other.
CUT
TO:
BALLROOM
LAURA and MINAKO stand
among a group of girls. They all wear white ball-gowns. COUNTESS
ROSE stand nearby talking
to the group, flanked by a group of MALE SERVANTS. ARTEMIS is
still on Minako's
shoulder.
ROSE : The final
assessment in the Princess Seminar is in the Waltz. A Princess is able
to carry herself with
dignity and grace. Those of you who I tap on the shoulder will have
passed the seminar, and
may go into the next room for their awards.
As she talks, the camera
pans back to Laura and Minako.
LAURA (little depressed):
Well, this sounds easy.
MINAKO: Yes!
A simple dance should be no problem!
LAURA: Oh,
you know how to waltz? I've never done it before…
MINAKO:
Well… neither have I… but how hard can it be, Laura-chan?
CUT
TO:
BALCONY
LISA, ALLISON, JESSICA,
BIYOMON and LUNA are up on an abandoned balcony overlooking the
ballroom. The music starts
up, and the people on the floor start to dance. Camera focuses
on Luna.
LUNA: Okay
girls. Remember to keep a close eye out for the Princess…
LISA/ALLISON/JESSICA (OS):
*groan*
Pull out a little to show
the three girls. They're watching the dance, but looking bored
and annoyed that they
don't get to be in it.
LUNA: Hey!
Are you paying attention?
JESSICA (dismissive): Yeah
yeah yeah…
LISA (pout): I wanted to
be in the dance…
CUT TO:
DANCE FLOOR
Closeup of Laura. She
dances gracefully and smoothly, and generally perfectly.
Closeup of Minako. She
appears to be trying to disco-dance her partner to death. Artemis is
still on her shoulder, and
is rapidly turning green from the shaking.
ARTEMIS (thought): Gotta
get off… I think I'm gonna… (spasm) urk!
CUT TO:
BALCONY
Allison gets an idea. She
stands and bows in front of Lisa.
ALLISON:
M'lady Simpson, would you give me the honor of this dance?
Lisa looks confused for a
moment, before she gets the idea.
LISA (posh accent):
Charmed.
She gets up, links up with
Allison, and they start dancing to the music. It's just a bit of fun
really. Jessica looks at
the two strangely, and after a while grins evilly.
JESSICA (nasty): You do
know how the fanfiction.net kids are going to interpret that, don't you?
Lisa and Allison freeze in
mid-dance, an expression of palpable terror on their faces.
JESSICA (even nastier): I
mean, I bet some of them have been waiting for a shipper for years…
Lisa and Allison jerk
apart from each other suddenly, disgusted.
LISA/ALLISON: Ewwwwww!
Jessica laughs evilly.
Biyomon turns to Luna.
BIYOMON : Would you like
to dance, Lunamon?
LUNA (jumps): Hey!
(defensive) I am NOT a digimon! (whisper) Ixnay on the unamon-say!
Moments later a
"hurrrrrrwk!" noise heard from offscreen gets everyone's attention,
followed by
the screams of MINAKO and
her PARTNER.
LUNA: Oh,
Artemis…
LISA (going to balcony):
Huh?
MINAKO (enraged, OS):
ARTEMIS!
Everyone ducks as a white
streak is thrown up past the balcony. Jessica looks up after it, takes
a few steps back, and
catches the thrown Artemis.
ARTEMIS (sickly):
Urk… it was her fault…
CUT
TO:
DANCE FLOOR
Laura is still dancing,
and stops when Countess Rose pats her on the shoulder.
ROSE : Congratulations,
you have passed. Please go into the next room.
LAURA:
Thanks!
She sets off for the door,
waving cheekily at Minako, who is not in a good mood.
Countess Rose walks around
the hall, touching the rest of the girls on the shoulder. Eventually
everyone except Minako has
gone through to the next room.
EASTER EGGS - PAGE 5/10
PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON
- ORIGIONAL ENDING
I was gonna write what the
original ending for the script was gonna be here, but I ain't done it yet!
Gimmie a sec...
EASTER EGGS - PAGE 6/10
PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON
MOON - MOSTLY COMPLETE CAST LIST
Characters from SAILOR
MOON
Sailor Moon Lisa Simpson
Princess Leitha
Sailor Mercury Allison Taylor Princess Alyssa
Sailor Mars Jessica
Lovejoy Princess
Jacintha
Sailor Jupiter Laura Powers
Princess Leora
Minako Aino Herself!
Mamoru Chiba Himself!
Jadeite
Jimboite
Nephrite
Nelsonite
Zoisite
Dolphite
Kunzite
Kearneyite
Naru
Umino Gurio Milhouse Van
Houten
Motoki
Um… Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, I guess.
Shingo
Bart Simpson
Usagi, Ami, Themselves!
Rei, Makoto,
Naru
Characters from AH! MY
GODDESS!
Keiichi Morisato Homer
Simpson
Belldandy
Marge Simpson
Urd
Patty Bouvier
Skuld
Characters from RANMA
½
Genma Saotome Homer Simpson
Ranma Saotome Bart Simpson
Shampoo
Sherri Castillo
Kodachi Kuno Mara Morrigan
Ryoga Hibiki "Sideshow"
Bob Terwilliger
Tatewaki Kuno Martin Prince
Mousse
Database
Characters from NEON
GENESIS EVANGELION
Shinji Ikari Milhouse Van Houten
Gendo Ikari Kirk Van Houten
Misato
Edna Krabappel
Asuka
Alex Whitney
Rei
Luanne Van Houten (no show…)
Characters from DIGIMON
Sora
Allison Taylor
Tai
Bart Simpson
Joe
Milhouse Van Houten
Kari
Lisa Simpson
Biyomon
Herself!
Agumon
Himself!
Gomamon
Himself!
Gatomon
Herself!
Characters from DIRTY PAIR
Kei Edna
Krabappel
Yuri
Elisabeth
Characters from
Ruri Hoshino Maggie Simpson
Characters from DRAGONBALL
Goku
His own head in a jar
Self-Insertion Characters
Backup DD Girls Christina Nordlander
Jenny Elson
Sheana Molloy
Fiona
Melissa Stanley
That artist Marco Berzacola
Artist's friend Sheana Molloy
Director
Steven Scott
Youma Gastor Christina Nordlander
Youma Pollox Jenny Elson
EASTER EGGS - PAGE 7/10
PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON
MOON - PLOT HOLES AND INCONSISTENCY
AFAIK at the time of
writing, there's nothing in SImpmoon that directly breaches
official continuity.
Younger sisters were not mentioned in either the animé or manga, but
neither do they say that
they DID NO have younger sisters AFAIK. But if you notice
anything in Simpmoon that
breaches continuity, mail it to me at
steven.scott@btinternet.com
and I'll admit to it here and try to bluff my way out. :-)
Who knows, you may even
get a no-prize! ;-)
EASTER EGGS - PAGE 8/10
PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON
MOON - IMAGE GALLERY
Coming soon, once I get
permissions...
EASTER EGGS - PAGE 9/10
PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON
MOON - SONG COMPARISON
This didn't work out as
well as it could have. It's my first try at a song parody,
and, well, after the
"big business" line it has a bad habit of sucking. I didn't
mean to include a moral in
the song, but blah, it ended up with one. If anyone can
suggest alternate lyrics
for the last few verses it would be very cool.
ROMANJI LYRICS
ENGLISH LYRICS
SIMPMOON LYRICS
yume no naka
shikou kairo wa SHO-TO
sunzen My
thoughts are about to short circuit
Did I think I could get into such weirdness,
ima sugu aitai yo
I want to see you right now!
But it's ending right now.
nakitaku naru you na
moonlight I'm just
about to cry - moonlight
Sometimes the speeches made me want to cry,
denwa mo dekinai
datte junjou
doushiyou
But I have a simple heart, so what can I do? But
I do good so this is what I can do,
HA-TO wa mangekyou
My heart is a kaleidoscope.
We need to end this grand rip-off.
tsuki no hikari ni
michibikare With the
light of the moon to guide us,
[plays saxophone]
nandomo meguriau
We'll be brought together by fate many times over.
seiza no matataki
kazoe
Counting the twinklings of the constellations [plays
saxophone]
uranau koi no yukue
Is how I foretell love's whereabouts
onaji kuni ni umareta
no
Born on the same earth
MIRAKURU ROMANSU
Miracle Romance
[Instrumental]
[Instrumental]
[Beryl's guitar solo]
mo ichido futari de
weekend
To be together once more this weekend...
So we'll be celebrating at the weekend
kami-sama kanaete happy
end
God, please grant me a happy end.
Because I see a cliched happy end
genzai kako mirai mo
In the present, past, and future
I came real close to beating big business!
anata ni kubittake
I'll be completely devoted to you.
So I guess you don't stand a chance!
deatta toki no
natsukashii I
can't forget that dear look in your eyes
[plays saxophone]
manazashi wasurenai
when we first met.
ikusenman no hoshi
kara
Out of tens of thousands of stars,
[plays saxophone]
anata wo
mitsukerareru
I can find you.
guuzen mo CHANSU ni
kaeru
Turning even chance into an opportunity...
ikikata ga suki yo
I love that way of life!
[Instrumental]
[instrumental]
[Beryl's guitar solo]
fushigi na kiseki KUROSU
shite A wondrous
miracle growing closer.
Looks like, we'll have her beat soon, Lisa-chan!
nandomo meguriau
We'll be brought together by fate many times over. We may have screwed up, but they've
muddled though!
seiza no matataki
kazoe
Counting the twinklings of the constellations If we
should count every star in the sky,
uranau koi no yukue
Is how I foretell love's whereabouts.
It probably won't help us getting a great guy,
onaji kuni ni umareta
no
Born on the same earth
Forget your crushes, go out and find your
MIRAKURU ROMANSU
Miracle romance
Miracle Romancu.
shinjite-iru no I
believe in this
I do believe there is,
MIRAKURU ROMANSU
Miracle romance.
A Miracle Romancu!
EASTER EGGS - PART 10
PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON
MOON - POSSIBLE FOLLOWUPS
MEGASPRINGFIELD –
Trapped in
back to
Customers rise 400%.
Artemis' expensive gaming and b33r habit and his
tendency to see zombies
everywhere complicates matters.
30 MINUTES OVER
Express Ship" make a
simple delivery to the royal family of 3000 AD's
Queen Serenity insists
that as the last of her race, Leela should stay and be
Sailor Cyclopia. Seeing
the stupidity inherent in the system, (YOUMA : help
help I am being
Refreshed!) Leela declines, but Serenity can be persistent.
Will Leela be able to stay
sane? Will Amy be able to persuade Mars to lend her
a henshin stick, please,
pretty please, pretty please with cherries on top?
Will Bender steal any
valuable crystals? How often will Fry need punched before
he gets Uranus' drift?
Will Moon-Lisa cameo? And if she does, will Amy be
bugging Rei Hino or
Jessica Lovejoy? Ah, the perils of playing recklessly with
continuity.
BART 1/2 – Lisa is
challenged to a match of Rhythmic Gymnastics Martial Arts!
But she's twisted her
ankle the night before fighting a rogue youma! Only one
aquatranssexual martial
artist has the skill and timing to take on Mara at
Rhythmic Gymnastics
Martial Arts… Bart Simpson!
(note to self –
DON'T WRITE THIS ONE!)
D'OH MY GODDESS! –
Homer's mechanics club has chosen him to be the driver of
their new racing
motorbike! But how can he win a race with
to sabotage his efforts?
SO IT'S COME TO THIS : A
SENSHI CLIP SHOW – Many of the filler eps and scenes
I left out of Simpson
Moon, presented for your enjoyment. THRILL as Lisa and
Minako go for a haircut!
CHILL as Lisa, Jessica and Allison visit a theme park.
BE DISAPPOINTED that the
fan-service swimsuit episode won't have anything worth
looking at for another 6
years at least. And REALISE why the Luna Disguise Pen
was left out.
SIMPSON MOON : THE DUB
YEARS – Sanitized and homogenized for your benefit. Think
Lisa could never speak
with a valley accent? "What-ever! Bart, you jerk!"
SIMPSON MOON : THE
EVERQUEST YEARS – Unable to find a druid to GG them to the
stone circle near D-point,
the girls have to run all the way to the arctic
circle to recover their
equipment and suits, before their corpses disappear in
three days.
SIMPSON MOON : THE GAME -
For some weird reason, this is a scrolling beat-em-up.
And of course…
SIMPSON MOON R –
Featuring more stupid monsters, more arrogant villains, Christina
Nordlander as the
backstory-violating-but-she-don't-care Sailor Nemesis, a whole
migraine-inducing mess of
continuity stuff for me to figure out, the Ookii-Senshi,
and a small annoying ball
of pink sugar with a handgun and a BAD attitude.
The R stands for Ripoff.
But I'll be damned if I'm
writing anything else today. Thank you for reading!
Just kidding about Nemesis
Chris. Don't kill me…